Yesterday was the onslaught on Area 51, what happened?

AMARGOSA VALLEY, NEVADA – Nye County Search and Rescue continued its search for two hikers who marched north into the desert to march on Area 51.Meanwhile, Lincoln County Search and Rescue found the last of five marchers who had tried to drive south from the settlement of Rachel.

The “Area 51 raid” had been suggested on social media in July, and interest had skyrocketed, with more than two million people agreeing to participate. Today, however, only seventeen people gathered in the Amargosa Valley, and thirty-seven more enthusiasts descended on Rachel.

Ten of the seventeen demonstrators who had gathered in the Amargosa Valley turned back and went home after being told that they had a hundred-mile march through the Mojave Desert and had to get their own water and food.”I thought it would be more like Burning Man, age, but shit on it, the truck stop doesn’t even serve a decent latte,” said Parker Pendergrast, 23, from Vallejo, California. Several of the disappointed protesters are said to have asked for solace in alien cathouse brothel, where sex worker Rubi Valentine, 29, reported a slightly higher daily profit than average.

The remaining seven marchers made their way north.Two returned soon after getting blisters, and one limped back to the Amargosa Valley with a twisted ankle and wounds from a Cholla cactus. Two other people were detained by Nellis AFB security personnel as they entered the Nevada Test Site while crossing the designated Jackass Flats. The Office of Public Affairs for the 57th Air Force Wing released a statement saying the two were severely dehydrated and disoriented, but are expected to recover. They are being treated at the base hospital and released into the care of the Nye County Sheriff’s Office. Nye County Search and Rescue found no evidence of the other two suspects being mistaken and heading toward Beatty.

The Rachel contingent was slightly larger, and 37 people gathered in the parking lot of Little A’le’inn, Rachel’s only bar, restaurant, motel, Raison d’Etre and souvenir shop.Twenty-one decided not to take part in the raid, citing reasons such as lack of time, lack of preparation and lack of society. “Damn, that’s not [expletive deleted! How are we to force the government to respect our rights as free citizens when all we have is this gang of jackwagons? At least Cliven Bundy knew his butt most days out of a hole in the ground,” said Lee Barlow, “Mad Dawg” Jessop, 58, from Panaca, Nevada, although Mr. Jessop stayed at the march in the end.

The remaining 16 drove along Highway 375 and turned south in a series of vehicles on Mailbox Road through the Tikaboo Valley. One vehicle, a Honda Acura, was driving off when the driver was concerned about the road safety of his car.Another car had two flat tires; The residents were supported by the local rancher Steve Medlin, who gently suggested to them to “find something else to cope with their time and stop harassing my cattle” and persuaded them to disperse.

A vehicle carrying five people tried to get “into the rear area” by driving a four-wheel-drive lane onto nearby Tikaboo Peak.Unfortunately, they aimed their Toyota Yaris high-centered on a rock, destroyed its gearbox and then spent an ice-cold night halfway up the summit before being rescued in the morning. They were treated at the alamo clinic for minor injuries and moved home without speaking to the press.

We asked Sh’n’rtz’vv!Qerv v, a spokesman for the aliens living in Area 51, asked for a comment and got this answer. ha-ha

Take the story with humour.=)

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