Why is it so difficult to communicate with a narcissist?

Is it that hard?With my ex-NPS girlfriend you can have a wonderful conversation about everything possible. She shows interest and sympathy and tells interesting and/or funny stories from her eventful life. She can clearly identify and formulate her political, social, artistic opinions. She is not intrusive, nor is she chatting, and certainly not a rampensau that must dominate conversations. All this makes her a generally highly valued interlocutor.


But communication actually became more and more difficult (for me) as the relationship went into the disaling, manipulative downward curve.This was partly because I should not understand one or the other issue — which is, of course, a prerequisite for manipulation and gaslighting.

On the other hand, communication became always very confusing when it felt threatened and its disorder (a realization that came to me much later), or.if I wanted to raise the issues and oddities that I had noticed in our relationship. Or points, circumstances, events of their past, which I could not really explain to myself. Here she suddenly became eloquent, vague, omission; or , if even these mechanisms seemed too risky to you , the fist-thick lie was immediately used, but with a sovereignty and honesty that could hardly be surpassed (I, of course, only understood this much later and this will certainly always become the the scariest insights of my life).

These were conversations that always left me very perplexed and confused, in these areas there was no longer any sign of their other eloquence.This surprised me because I didn’t know that she didn’t really want to talk about all this, she didn’t want to talk about it, none of it was meant to be touched, all of this should remain in the dark where she thought it belonged.She wanted to know all this under her sole control; only accessible to her, only known to her, only to control from her. And all she said then was basically nothing but fog candles (if not smoke grenades) to avoid jeopardizing this exclusivity of knowledge.

Communication with narcissists becomes difficult when she finds herself in personal territory, which must always be an all-too-personal terrain for him.The personality of a narcissist is a construct that he fabricates, which one must please take beautifully as it is offered to one. If a conversation comes intentionally or inadvertently even close to a doubt about it, one even comes even close to a point from which one might see some of the beam behind the facades of his Potemkin personality. communication with a narcissist will indeed be very difficult. This is not surprising. He will then try to distract, confuse, manipulate, turn the tables — and if all this does not help to avert the danger he perceives, it can also become very uncomfortable for the interlocutor, which often surprises and perplexes him. leaves behind. You can only understand that if you know that you are dealing with a narcissist who feels challenged and threatened by something you have said and then goes into the defence mechanism.

But the narcissist will (again) feel this as self-defense.

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