That is the narcissist actually because the previous partner has been devalued by the narcissist. This other did not turn out to meet his ideal image.The new partner does that, of course, but will also not meet that narcissistic ideal image over time.
Narcisten think and feel strong in black and white terms.However, ideals do not exist in any reality. Neurotypical persons, by contrast, paint their world in more realistic shades of gray. They can love someone even though they have difficulty with certain traits of this person. This skill lacks the narcissist.
In grosty Lines:
Narcissists live the energy (love, compliments etc) that you give them.They are energy vampires. They cannot give energy themselves, they never experienced as a child that they were given energy. Children need their parents ‘ energy to learn the ‘ game ‘ of being loving = love and being naughty = may not get love. They also learn to be empations, the ‘ game ‘ teaches them how to deal with others.
Narcissists almost always have a narcissive parent (s), so they have learned that you have to take energy from others to survive.Lack of empation leads them not to understand that you have an empty, unworthy feeling.
And you (as co-dependent) blame yourself for not doing it right.A feeling the narcissit likes to help strengthen DMV reproof and ill-treatment. And then you keep trying to become ‘ better ‘ in your attempts to get a loving response. To no avail, who will never come. Narcissism is unhealed.
The best explanation of all the processes are described by Ros Rosenberg in his book The Human magent syndrome.Here’s a video on that.
Narcissist here narcissist there, bla bla.Everyone always puts the power and responsibility again with the narcissist.
No.YOU do that.
You give yourself that feeling.And why? Because you are counting the narcissist on YOUR values and standards. But he does not handle YOUR values and standards, because he is SOMEONE ELSE. He has treated you badly, according to YOUR standards. NOT according to his. YOUR standards and HIS do not match. They don’t fit together YOU don’t fit together. So you have no reason to settle your standards. So count that motherfucker off on HIS values and standards. Not on the you. YOURS are okay. You are NOT worth anything according to his, NOT according to yours. YOU Take that responsibility. YOU are the boss.
That’s your feeling, no one can feel you doing something if you don’t feel yourself anywhere, nobody can hurt you without your permission (quote Eleanor Roosevelt) as an empaat you can feel the narcissist are inferior feelings, pick up his energy, but that is Not yours, so leave it where it belongs and take care of your own chickens;)