For example, because it’s like this:
You recently divorced your husband who was mistreating you and meet “Pamela” at the baker next to the courthouse.She is a petite 1.53 m tall primary school teacher. She looks fragile and is very friendly. And right away you have a new best friend.
“Pamela” tells you how she feels as a single mother whose husband has let her and her young son down.He did not even call on her son’s birthday, which is why the child was devastated. You sympathize with “Pamela”. It bears so much resemblance to you.
You see no reason at all not to believe “Pamela”. You had a similar experience with a crippled husband and you are drawn to those who understand what you have been through.You imagine the poor “Pamela” being beaten up by her loser husband. “Pamela” basically tells you what you want to hear.
You become allies and eventually you are invited to Pamela’s house.She sleeps in a fancy attic with all sorts of exotic art and furnishings. You see photos of her where she was in various expensive resorts around the world.
If you’ve learned to think critically, you’ll start to wonder how single mother “Pamela” can afford this luxury with the salary of a part-time assistant teacher.Her parents are from the lower middle class.
(Attention: Most people do not have the ability to think critically.)
As an attentive observer, you would notice that the child trembles when she hugs her to express public affection in an exaggerated manner.The child is overly vigilant. This is a very clear warning sign. If you look closely, you will see that “Pamela’s” eye expression doesn’t match the wrong smile on her lips.
You will also notice that “Pamela” often pulls over other people, especially their appearance.By crushing others, her self-esteem increases. Of course, she thinks it’s great – at least now.
In reality, “Pamela” is a vicious narcissist.She is “a dearest raven mother.” She lacks empathy. It’s all about them. The job of ihe’s son is to make her look good.
The husband did not let the son down.He divorced her and she agreed to joint custody. She got the house that was his only possession, and he also paid maintenance for her. On top of that, she has exhausted all his credit cards to the point of attack and sacked the community account, which she will NOT mention. Moreover, she deceived him, not the other way around.
The father tried to keep in touch with the child, but every time he called, she filed a harassment complaint.The child desperately wanted the father to have sole custody. He’s fighting for it. What do you think she has to do in the courthouse? The problem is that even the judge is more inclined to represent the side of a small, crying single mother than that of a tall, strong man with only a lack of acting talent.
The narcissist plays the victim. No one would think of myself like this: Hey, I have a malignant narcissistic personality disorder, I’m not interested in anyone but myself, and I don’t find anything to lie and damage your reputation if I’m doing well.
People are reluctant to embarrass themselves by questioning the person who plays the victim.Narcissists are very adept at mirroring others. We are unconsciously drawn to fellow human beings who imitate us.
If “Pamela” had signed up with Quora, she would write as a victim, not a reflective narcissist. She would get a lot of positive reviews from women who are in the predicament she describes.
The answer to the initial question is that people believe the narcissist rather than the victims because they deliver a better show than the actual victims.
Depending on the circumstances, narcissists change their story.Reflection is crucial. If “Pamela” was you and you’re happy with your spouse and your children, she’d be lying and think of herself as a happily married woman whose husband is fulfilling a foreign assignment.Your happy family would give her a sense of inferiority, so she would have to compensate.
No one is the villain of his own story. Every malevolent narcissist has a justification in his head for his actions.
See also the video interview with the Austrian psychiatrist Raphael Bonelli
“Fake Doctors” (Raphael Bonelli) June 29, 2019