This is how most people imagine bullying:
There are many aspects that are forgotten by this idea:
- It’s not always just stereotypical machos that bully classmates.
They are often otherwise very friendly people.
Exclusion and insults are also bullying.
- Unfortunately, exclusion is difficult to prevent.
Everyone has the right not to want to have anything to do with a particular person. It only becomes problematic when you don’t actually have anything against a classmate, but you stay away from him because of group coercion.
When a child in the class behaves weird*, no one says anything and just feels a little uncomfortable. The first person who then makes a joke about it gives the other classmates a valve for this unpleasant feeling. Laughing at something feels better than keeping it to death.
- * Funny in this context usually means that one does not master the unspoken etiquette among the classmates.
But once you get the funny stamp on it, you are also perceived as strange behaviors that are considered normal in other classmates.
This, in turn, ensures that they are further excluded. A vicious circle.
But the whole thing makes the subject too complicated.People want to see bullying as a simple, malicious act, because only on it can you give really effective advice.
“Insult her back cleverly” only works in movies.Through the above-mentioned comic stamp, everything you say is perceived as stupid, even if you are so quick-witted.
“Slap!Defend yourself against it” is not possible if the bullying is not tangible.You change your reputation from weird to creepy at best.”I just said so and he starts beating me up.He’s disturbed!”
“Just ignore them” is simply said.But if you can’t even open your break bread without people looking at you weirdly and starting to tussle, it’s impossible to feel nothing.
The worst thing about such advice is that they subliminally blame the victim for the situation, not the perpetrators.
So, finally, to the question: Why do many children say that bullying is wrong, but they still bully other children?
They see bullying as something that only assholes do.They don’t see themselves as assholes. So by definition they can’t bully. Or vice versa: they see themselves as assholes, but they treat everyone just as shit. Anyone who feels offended by it is simply to blame.
Our culture gives support to such children.