Why do I think I am a narcissist myself (after a relationship with a narcissist)?

This answer is quite long.Nevertheless, I think she can explain to you very well why your perception suddenly seems so “shifted”.

A person with an NPS has either experienced severe trauma and/or has been forced by other experiences to deny and split off a significant proportion of himself.But even in childhood, they may not have been able to develop and express a noticeable ego. Perhaps because the pain of the self was so exuberant and unbearable that the person concerned could not identify with his own emotions, or because he was recorded in a symbiosis by a reference person, that the child never experienced himself as an self. Could. This person affected by an NPS has begun to shift his consciousness completely to the outside world and to identify with other people.

He lacks the external first-place boundary.However, he has a strong inner self-limit, since his consciousness (attention/perception) has been separated (dissociated) from himself. Unfortunately, this is more or less the case with all of us, but in a person with NPS, there is no awareness of himself and his body, but he only means to exist through foreign identities about which he perceives himself. A child, for example, always first learns about the first reference persons. It doesn’t know “I” and “you.” It sees and feels itself in and through its counterpart. The mother and the child share an organism before the birth of the child – they are one. In the course of child development, a self arises, or as they say; an ego – a feeling of self – self-feeling or self-confidence (“That’s me, that’s me, I like that and I don’t like that…”).

We begin to define ourselves and the world through our experiences and their emotions, our beliefs, our society into which we are born and our social environment. A person with NPS, however, has begun – or never ceased to define himself through his counterpart.The injured, shameful and sad part in itself is denied and separated (dissociated). This, however, also blunts the positive feelings. A person who feels strong pain, however, also feels strong joy or enthusiasm in return. Such a thing is impossible to feel for the person who feels different from him. He feels himself completely through the other, or how he thinks the other would feel.

The longer he shifts his consciousness to the outside, the more his emotions blunt and he feels only an eerie emptiness as soon as he has to feel himself.This perceived emptiness is so unbearable that it must be avoided at all costs to feel it. The emptiness is unconsciously perceived as “the self”. The helpless, frightened part is in itself, but is not really gone. The nervous system reacts accordingly to everything it has ever learned, releases messenger substances and we as human beings feel our diverse emotions. Affected by NPS, however, these emotions do not feel differentiated enough by dissociation. Feelings such as fear, powerlessness and shame are not felt as a part of themselves, but seem to be “thrown into him” by his counterpart and make him feel the external and inner separation.

The fear of the loss of identity, which he recognizes in the other person, now triggers the person concerned and he falls into early learned defense mechanisms.Fear implies struggle, flight or solidification. The amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for our defense) now takes full control and the affected person becomes angry or flees. This usually happens when the other person does or says something that is incompatible with the identity of the person concerned. However, this signals a risk to life for the person concerned. When he is triggered, he will begin to fight (arguing, screaming, beating, verbal or verbal). emotionally hurt) or he flees (silent treatment, internal devaluation, ignorance disinterest, beching or even ghosting). For the person concerned, this feels like a loss of control, which he tries to avoid at all costs. The now wounded, sad, shameful and confused part of the other, he himself feels as a weakness, but internally reassures him also, since the threatening situation has been brought under control. An inner feeling of high esteem arises (superiority / numbness for the feelings of his counterpart) when the other now resembles the inner split part. There he overcomes the separation again, which can feel wonderful for him. So at the moment of trigger (a negative feeling of being separated and thus impeaching loss of identity – resolution) there is only one thing left for him: defending this threat by fighting or fleeing.

All experiences, however, send further signals to the nervous system, which solidify the behaviors and thus lead to repetition.Tension always demands the appropriate relaxation. This can be addictive to stress and relaxation, which has to be compensated with sexual debauchery or success experiences.

In other words, where a person is no longer in contact with his own identity, denying and dividing important emotions and sensations that send us signals and which are supposed to guide and guide us in life, and is only able to do so in various forms. To learn and define himself about his outside world, the people and the things, lacks the outer self-limit.

A healthy person who takes responsibility for his emotions, which we should all do much more, has the responsibility for his life and thus a stable self-consciousness.This person can, without fear, open the inner doors, expand the self-border inside and experience connection with other living beings. He need not be afraid not to find himself when he feels into another, feels love and connection. His body and nervous system and the resulting feelings are his compass through life and steer him to his very individual challenges and solutions, which become his treasure of experience.

But a person with NPS no longer has this important sense (feeling blindness).The inner impotence of all these disturbing emotions, which cause panic in him, which he does not feel, but triggers, drives him now to have to keep control of the outside and his pseudo-identities and into his insatiable need to pseudo-identity of others because he is not aware of himself. This inner powerlessness demands external power.

Superiority over the other means superiority over identity.This is necessary for the person concerned to survive. The desired identities are, of course, based on what promises them further attention, i.e. awareness of themselves. This can be, for example, a drug-addicted dealer who has power or superiority (confirmation) over its customers and on which a lot of awareness (attention) falls, so that his identity is confirmed. But this can also be the businessman who wields power over his co-workers, the partner who has to dominate over his partner in order not to feel himself, the mother who holds her children in symbiosis, but is only guided by her beliefs/thoughts.

The fear of feeling the emptiness or negative feelings within itself, i.e. being thrown back on oneself, can feel like a terrible struggle against its dissolution. At some point, when the person concerned has aligned himself with the partner, or that of his identity, he desires; his thinking, certain areas of life and hobbies he begins to demand this back.The other has to align himself with the person concerned. The separation of identity must not be experienced for him. Once he has aligned his partner’s values (e.g. by making him an accomplice or scapegoat), he now needs confirmation – awareness/attention from outside.

If this succeeds, he will now (sometimes) slowly “try” to destroy his partner by ensimoning him for his struggle for foreign consciousness (attention, admiration), transferring him responsibility for his struggles, his “lies” and manipulations, and by entrusting him for the consequences arising from this. The partner can either be made a scapegoat or he begins to fight against it, which in turn brings him back to the unconscious inner world of the person concerned and thereby calms him down, but on the other hand also gives him “the right” to defend himself against it. or/and to flee and to have his identity confirmed elsewhere and/or to have to control everything even more.The scapegoat, who can be held responsible for the negative feelings of the other and all the consequences, as he becomes more and more insecure of himself, will first confirm that he himself is the victim (through the reflection), and then begin to annoy or annoy him. even more and more, because this again identifies him with his negative feelings. This can go all the way to the desire to erase (see also e.g. stalking or ghosting) the more coveted the other (presented) identity is/was. This also applies to his children.
In general, the following applies to all of us:

The truthteller (the unrated mindfulness) in us can focus on his body, his senses (like thoughts and feelings) consciousness.Then the body or/and our thinker, who calculates and analyzes everything, has turned consciousness into attention to something (outside or inside). When my nervous system sends an impulse, a stimulus, feelings, images and thoughts arise to that impulse. Or the impulse is so familiar to the body that we can no longer identify it as a feeling, thoughts and/or images, but we react to it in an old, learned way (triggers).

Thus, if the perception/consciousness is not directed to itself and its body, as well as its feelings, because it is directed to a focus on the outside, or if we blindly adopt the beliefs of others, which in turn focuses the consciousness accordingly, and on certain things and stimuli that confirm these beliefs, we are not aware of our self.And the more we do this, the more outside perception/consciousness we need to confirm us in our (right and existing) being. Whenever the consciousness is directed from this moment and to itself, outwardly, we feel separation. This is of course perfectly okay to find our way around this life, but it should nevertheless exhort us again and again to return to us and into our bodies and to our feelings and the living so-being in the here and now. This is the natural resonance ability that we should remember.

All these pseudo-identities, foreign worldviews and beliefs that we have adopted – but have not experienced in us- need attention – consciousness – from the outside.Because when they have nothing to do with ourselves, they do not evoke self-consciousness in us, they do not root, they do not trigger emotions, they do not give strength and energy. They exhaust us and rob us of strength. They need a sense – an awareness (attention) for which they can exist. This can be society, the views of the parents, the imagined identity of the partner, the children, the gurus of a religion and/or a pure building of thought about oneself. They have nothing to do with our individuality and the soul fire within us and yet all this is necessary to gain experience and develop further.

You can only feel your own soul fire if you are completely with yourself, feel and understand yourself and therefore do not have to be afraid to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. We all have to look where we take the power away from ourselves because we live something foreign in order to get back only more external consciousness/attention (emotion = E – energy and motion – movement = energy in motion).

People with an NPS, however, have become so entangled in being different through the lack of an outer i-state boundary and the belief that they do not realize that their body is sending them signals that have a sense that is necessary to make experiences and Living a life’s dream, or at least taking responsibility for what he does and feels to be an adapted person.

The man with NPS has simply got lost in the foreign identity.

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