Educational violence, the pedagogical tick, or the corrective tick, all different names for the same action: use a little violence to get a child back on the right path.
Long it was quite normal for an disobedient child to get over the knee, nobody wanted to do it, but “they learn it”.
Nowadays we have some more insight into the development and effectiveness of a corrective tick and it comes down to…. It doesn’t work as one wants it to work.
Generally, if you want to change, control, or learn behavior, then the rule: reward the positive and ignore the negative.In doing so, you learn that certain behaviors are desirable and other behaviors do nothing. It also strengthens the bond between parent and child in a positive way.
The corrective tick does exactly the opposite.
You learn a child what they need to do to avoid punishment, the basis is fear and dislike. This behavior then also take over, violence is apparently a way to get your sentence so aggression and anti-social behavior becomes higher.
Of course you can and should punish your children at some point, you can’t ignore everything, but there are better ways for it.
Language can do a lot.Instead of saying “stealing from your little sister is wrong” (or selling a tick) it works very well to make the consequences clear: “Look, now your sister is sad”.No paragraphs about what is right or wrong, so long they do not listen to you. A short message she can learn about the consequences and not just that something error it.
A timeout may also work well, but it is not meant to be a punishment.A timeout causes the emotions (often anger) and temmer to fall and the problem can be solved, often again with language or other consequences that are agreed upon.
But why does it still occur that parents use the corrective tick?
That can be related to how parents themselves are raised.
Violence is a strong way to bind a child to a parent, they are afraid to go away. The child may be anxious or embarrassed, but safe in your area. It is a misplaced idea of “How to do it” because it also went with them.
The logic “my parents did it to me and I’m also normal” sounds valid, but the alternative might be better doesn’t come through.There is a difference between “normal thanks to a tap” and “normal despite a tick”. The research shows that it is the second. The corrective tick has no long-lasting positive effects, just negative.
But still.Hitting is a strong and fast message. Talking with a child is not always successful, especially if they are in a tantrum. No one has meaning or time to wait until that tantrum is over. A quick tap clearly indicates that it is ready, the “Why?That’s why! “principle.
However, something like this gives the wrong message, violence is not something you want to teach a child.”Therefore, no answer” we always say, this money for parent and child. That tick might solve the problem at that time, but it creates a much worse problem, do it too often and your child will not feel safe anymore.
One reason that is more common is simpler: fatigue, frustration, fear, or shame.Raising children is a lot of work and the sleep-grate is terrible. Parents are tired, have a shorter cube, and are very stressed. These factors come together and can rise high.
Nobody wants to admit it, but everyone with children (or if you deal with children) has had these feelings.
There is so much at once, so much noise, chaos, you want to stick them behind the wallpaper for 5 minutes rest! Fortunately, most of them do not lead to physical violence, a bit more often to a vote-elevation.
Educating children can be without violence (physically or psychologically), it is also better to do it without violence.
However, it is difficult to break the cycle.Parents who have been brought up with violence are inclined to educate their own children in the same way. Keeping control as a parent is not easy, children are actively searching for the border and testing that boundary daily. It can be exhausting, the positive way works slowly, and sometimes tends to be equally angry big.
Put clear boundaries, be consistent, and am a good role model…. without violence.Remember, parenting is a marathon and not a sprint. The longer way eventually gives better results, a better bond, and a child who is emotionally strong.
I am very bothered to say that I have brought up our two children without being hard-handed and that I believe that it is never necessary to save children.
But my 15 year younger brother I have given once or twice a tap.I regret it, but I can honestly say that we did not know better in the Sixties and seventies. From my father I have had quite painful blows in the two, three months, with his Slipper, for he said, “Otherwise I will hurt my hands.” But he had in his turn had his father’s coat with his belt. For decades, we have slowly fallen to the end of physical violence as a correction tool. And that’s good.
But it’s not a drama again when a parent gives a child a tap.I have had those, my father more, my little brother less, my children at all. I really do not imagine that my children love me more than I loved my father or he of his.
Educational violence?-What sounds horrible…
See also Fabian VD Berg’s excellent response, for which my great appreciation.