Why did you leave your narcissistic partner?

I didn’t leave her, she left me.After 7 years of relationship, the air was out and she was looking for her neighbor.

In hindsight, I have the guess why and why she does it.She was an illegitimate child of a German and a Turk. However, the Turk was married to a Turk. The wife then squeezed her mother together during the pregnancy, which she is supposed to leave her husband’s fingers, and then dragged her husband back to Turkey. So much for the subject, the Turkish women can not prevail, they had their pants on.

However, her mother waited at the nearby American barracks and met a Vietnam veteran.He wanted it, but she somehow didn’t. But he didn’t let go and she needed the money, so they went together. My ex-wife was there a few months old, but the man picked her up like his own daughter. She didn’t know that this man wasn’t her real father. But they loved each other very much, which cannot be said of their mother. They moved together to the USA, where the soldier was transferred, but after a few years the mother did not like it. She missed Bavaria and her own parents, so they went back to Germany. I don’t know exactly how old my ex-wife was there anymore, I think she was 14. In any case, her father became very ill with all the chemical weapons of the Americans in the Vietnam War and died of cancer. She never quite coped with her father’s death, because it all happened very quickly and surprisingly for her. Moreover, he was the only person who loved her, her mother was more hostile to her. Now her father left her all of a sudden and left her alone with her mother. It was a trauma. Then her mother also opened up to her that it was not her real father at all, but a Turk she never saw. That was the next shock.

She seemed completely powerless.Her father, the great, strong soldier who fought in the war. He left her, just left. That doesn’t happen to her again. So she was always looking for men who were everything, but not big and strong. Rather small and weak. Over which she had power, she would never leave, but she could go whenever she liked it. Well, she made a mistake with me, because I am not small and weak, but rather a fragrant type ;-). She didn’t realize that until it was too late. We had a good time together, but after 7 years she had to travel again, that was in her and she was looking for a new one.

Unfortunately, she will never be able to put that down completely.Which is a pity, because she is a good, loving woman. But since she has experienced a lot of bad things in her past, she can never find true love.

Because he exaggerated it excessively.After I had already thrown him out once, since he recently visited some prostitutes (allegedly only acquaintances) constantly, I let him in again, because he swore to me high and holy that he would never go there again,

Then came the usual lovebombing phase with the subsequent devaluation phase.This time it just didn’t work anymore.

He just lied, got me into trouble everywhere, screamed at me now in front of strangers, continued to visit these women and often stayed away for days and nights after a tantrum.Didn’t talk to me anymore, I grinned arrogantly when I demanded that we clarify this situation and in the end he also stole company money.

Before I could talk to him about it, he was gone again.An acquaintance wanted to try to talk to him about it. Called him and he came by briefly. I stayed in another room because I was afraid to go to him. It’s just happened too much lately. He used to take away from me the pain he inflicted on me afterwards. Now he didn’t care. I couldn’t do more. When he told my acquaintance that he didn’t know what the money was, but if I said he had the money, that would probably be true. Burst my collar. I threw him out and never let him in again.

It was no longer sustainable ,love was not rewarded,after 5 years you can take stock,

The beginning was harmonious.When we moved together after a year, the terror struck. He was right in everything, he had no sense of humour and considered himself the greatest. Talking to him didn’t work, either he stood up at discussions and left me alone with my frustration or he pulled everything into the ridiculous. I was most embarrassed when he boasted about his fortune and thought he could impress people with it. Emotionality was only with whip, it all had an unconventional undertone. Since I built an existence there, I stayed because of my job. The greed was also unbearable, despite the fortunes. After 6 years I became so mentally ill that I could no longer work. Even at this stage, zero support. On the contrary, he presented it as a weakness. I knew what I had to do. I parted ways with him and that was the best thing in my life that I’ve done. He lent me money in my illness because I was no longer working. He demanded this after the spatial separation. In this I lost the ground under my feet. I knew he was going to ruin me. Then came my will, who said, he can’t do that. I filed for bankruptcy and after years I was back to say: I have built up a life again.

Because I couldn’t bear myself and my behavior anymore.

While I used to have friends and a very large circle of acquaintances, I was isolated.

While I otherwise had an opinion, could represent it and was appreciated for my clarity, I was blocked with fear of “love” withdrawal, later the fear of violence was added.

Because I had become a yes-saying lamb.

Because my mind seemed to be exposed when we were in a common room (I heard me say things I had n/not done or wanted to do – “… and yes, then we move away from Berlin, alone, to a very quiet place…” – even when I was alone in another room, I came “to consciousness”

Because I began to think of his desires as my own and tried to fulfill them (because I wanted to)

Because I wanted to fix him and his broken childhood and of course I couldn’t

Because because…

I wanted to take responsibility for myself and my life again.

You leave your narcissistic partner when you run out of strength – when you are exhausted AND realize what kind of a sick person you have in front of you.

BUT normally you are abandoned by a narcissist because you don’t even lack the strength/strength to take the last step.

And a narcissist leaves, if you’re bored, can’t provide him with any supply, and/or open up better sources for him.

Other option: You no longer trade as the narcissist expects you to do – power struggle – then it depends on who has the longer breath.

I just couldn’t

All his lies all these years, the worst was last year and I’m sure he cheated on me the whole last one

I couldn’t bear his behaviour

Stalking all these years


to ignore

to block



And when he locked me up for punishment last year because I didn’t want to be there the decision had been made for me, now I’m finally separating, it took me six years to do that.

The question is rather why I stayed so long.

I really wanted a child and was in my late 30s at the latest after the birth, I knew that with this person no love for the rest of my life is possible.But I still hoped, i thought about it. There is also a kind of addictive potential in such toxic relationships and everything in our environment was polized to family. In addition, I and later the child were chronically ill. Now we are both healthy again the child prognosis-appropriate, it had a form of epilepsy that later disappears, and I was miraculously rid of my decades of chronic migraines and I separated.

I can’t ‘leave’ my narcissistic person, it’s my mother.

However, I had to create u distance, temporal u spatial.I also had to protect my own family from certain tendencies.

The myth of the great, selfless omas does not apply to all families.

Since my mother-in-law rather fulfills it, we are satisfied.

Why did you leave your narcissistic partner?

I didn’t know anything about narcissism, but I knew if I stay, I’ll end up in the fold or kill myself or him or everyone.

I wanted to demonstrate to my daughter that a woman is not at the mercy of a man for prosperity and perishance, but can leave him if he behaves like an ar….hole.

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