People fall in love with narcissists for so many reasons.Some of them have to do with the person suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), while others have more to do with the heady nature of feeling than “the chosen one”. Of course, every person with NPD is an individual, with their personality, their appealing characteristics, problems, etc. What they have in common, however, is: a lack of object consistency (the inability to maintain a positive emotional attachment to someone when they are upset about them), very little emotional empathy for others and extreme difficulties in maintaining their Self-regulating moods, self-respect, reactive behavior, based on their emotionally distorted experience of the world.
Why do people fall in love with narcissists?
Some narcissists have other wonderful properties:
Many narcissists have other wonderful qualities that include: power, intelligence, good looks, a good sense of humour, charm, vibrancy, fun, prestige and other generally appealing qualities.Of course, there are many narcissists who have none of these characteristics, but people are often surprised at how easy it is to fall in love with a narcissist.
Unconsciously repeat the trauma:
When people are brought up by narcissists, they often repeat the familiar pattern of selecting someone who unconsciously repeats this pattern from their childhood.This often includes the person trying to gain the consent, love, attention and care of the narcissist, despite the relationship’s painful emotional rollercoaster ride. One can imagine this as a person who unknowingly repeats this familiar cycle because he is unconsciously trying to finally get the positive feelings that they did not get enough of as a child. Of course, they usually get the result they crave and end up feeling more wounded.
They can be intoxicating:
Not every narcissist is charming, but those who are can be really intoxicating.It is best when a narcissist “chooses” you, many people feel special, wanted, chosen and find this very intoxicating. This is the phase in which they see you as the perfect being they pursue, and it is unlikely that the average person has any idea of how quickly these feelings can change and how the relationship is likely to feel if the Narcissist she doesn’t find her to be so shiny anymore. At this point, many people are so in love and involved in the relationship that it can be very painful and difficult to separate.
Not every narcissist is created equal:
There is a wide range of emotional functions in people who suffer from NPD.For example, there are narcissists who get icy when they’re angry, but have learned to filter out the meaner things they might say in a moment of anger. On the other hand, there are also extremely poisonous narcissists who can be cruel, sadistic and horrible when their mood changes. A better functioning narcissist is able to have a healthier relationship than a poorer, sadistic narcissist.
For the same reason, they fall in love with others:
People can fall in love with narcissists, just as they fall in love with others.They meet, they are attracted to them, the person has qualities they like, and they feel connected to the person. This doesn’t mean, of course, that the person with NPD handles the ups and downs of the relationship like everyone else, but usually people don’t notice it at the beginning. Even when people are exposed to the red flags they may have with an NPD disease, most people ignore these signs and focus on the aspects of the relationship they like, or they can somehow love the person enough / change /or the changing person “to be worth”. Although these are common desires, many people find that they do not change the person, deal with mood swings and /or find it incredibly hurtful when the person with NPD no longer treats them like the shiny object that they started were the relationship.
The point is…
People fall in love with narcissists for about a million reasons.Many narcissists have other appealing qualities such as intelligence, good looks, humour, power, career success and external self-confidence. While others may not have any of these positive properties. Some people may “fall in love” with someone with kidney failure because they have unconsciously turned into inappropriate behaviour patterns at an earlier stage of their lives, while others simply fall in love and the red flags do not start their relationship to all the intoxicating feelings of falling in love and wanting this person’s affection.