My mother in law and I have a love-hate relationship.
My mother-in-law has lived with us for over four years.
My mother-in-law is Chinese, a child of the Cultural Revolution.
The contradictions between my mother-in-law and I can’t be bigger.
My mother-in-law grew up in pure poverty.Every chance of education is deprived of her. Partly because of Mao, partly from home because she had to take care of her 6 younger siblings and there was no time for self-development.
I myself am a child of the years 80, grew up with everything I could wish for.Good education was a must.
Decades later we have been living together under one roof for quite some time.
Her surprise I still feel almost at everything I do, and vice versa.
The way I sometimes speak out, the way I export household tasks irritates her, and vice versa.
Yet we keep it out together.
The unconditional common love for my two children, the love for my wife, the only child, binds us.
My mother-in-law, just Mandarin speaking, is completely isolated here in the Netherlands.She has no friends here. Just go out of the house to walk with the kids. Disappears in her room when we visit. Hobbies? She often extends clothes for the children. This often does them in the nightly hours. She therefore often stands in the kitchen, preparing food for the next day.
Her life here is fully in the sign of the children.When the children wake up at night they usually stand next to their bed within a minute. Never have I heard her complain about sleep deprivation.
She doesn’t have to do all this, but she insists.There is also little point in discussing this.
She could have been a different life for those years.
After all, years ago We bought a house in Barcelona that is now only inhabited by my father in law.Retired and surrounded by Chinese friends he enjoys the fullest of life in Barcelona. Through WeChat the best pictures have been over for years. My mother-in-law sees it with his eyes.
She will want to return to Barcelona in time.This is what she does as we, when the children are ready.
I know no one who has taken away himself for such a degree as my mother-in-law.
I will never admit this in her side, she would have nothing to do with it, but my mother-in-law is my hero.
At the 18th she was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, now known as high-functioning autism.It was too late. The high school did not finish them, and at her 18th she sat at home without training, future, or friends.
She also received an IQ score of 86, accidentally. After that she ended up in the care of a “caring” sister who is self-unstable, and brother-in-law, who used my wife as a financial milk cow.After that, one in an institution ended up being full of people with intellectual disabilities. A later IQ test showed a score of 112
Her sister wanted to put her under receiver, and take away our child to educate herself because my wife could not cope with it.In the first instance, they also succeeded.
They have taunted, threatened, robbed my wife, and Belogen.But they did not broke.
Now she cares for our daughter.A beautiful girl of almost 9 with ASD and diabetes type 1.
To continue in spite of all your limitations, your past, and the co-operation of the half-world.In spite of everything our daughter has, to make her happy anyway. That’s a hero.
Well ja芒 鈧?娄 I find the people in relief real heroes, first aid doctors, firefighters, police, etc.
Doctors and nurses assisting people with life-threatening infectious and intolerable diseases, such as Ebola and until recently aids.
Especially in the early days, if transfer and risk are not yet clear and if they can bring nothing else than the best possible relief from suffering and care.
Apart from the people who do not abandon a neighbor, but who are often ill or overburdened, nurses and doctors are the only ones who still give the people who suffer from these diseases a little human dignity.They are the ones who need the compassion that every man in need, in despair and pain, actually needs. I bend deeply for them.
The first thing that jumps inside me is nursing staff, employed in hospitals and retirement homes.
I do not know how the situation is in the Netherlands, but in Belgium they represent the largest group that, because of the increasing pressures and demands, end up in psychiatry.They are constantly confronted with savings, additional tasks, and at the same time they are those who are constantly being approached and criticized by relatives and oversights. Of family members of the patient because they rightly have comments on the often few qualitative concerns. Their superiors because they spend more time per patient than admitted.
My sister is Wroedwoman.In Belgium, the hospital stay is several days after childbirth. At a meeting it was announced that one wanted to evolve towards the Dutch model. So, after childbirth, the mother quickly went home. That measure would start six months later, but the deployment of staff was immediately adjusted.
And everything, also in rest homes, is getting timed: elderly lady washing: so many minutes max.Family members complain stone and bone that diapers often have to be held for half a day because there may not be enough time to go to the toilet with the patients.
The increase of nursing staff who end up in psychiatry was, to my knowledge, just a small item after two Karen suffered a journalist from the VRT undercover working in a private retirement home: You could not believe that this report was made in a Western country.After the program Pano sent out the reportage, a day or two was talked about and now you hear nothing about it.
I have no heroes in the sense of: super people.I do know people who have known heroic moments or times. I think B. V. To a man who got a very bad diagnosis: a very aggressive cancer, with a life expectancy of three to six months. It did not respond to chemo. He wondered what to do. A bucket list? Think… (He is ethicist). He decided he was going to continue doing what he was doing as long as he could. He is happily married to three sons, and a beautiful house. Leave all behind so, within a few months. He got experimental immunoth茅rapie, and it succeeded. We are now 3 years later. Still loving his work, his wife, his children, his house, in any order whatsoever. Of course, with cancer there are no certainties, and the therapy was experimental.
Think now: You drive on a narrow road in the mountains.Suddenly a huge truck appears that blindly rages at you. Left the Abyss, right the cliff face. There is no room to brake. You see the bonnet 20 meters in front of you. That was his situation. Gonna be able to say: I keep driving for so long I can and remain calm?
Hans Zwetsloot gives an answer that I can find good.It is teeming with the non-famous people who can be titled as 芒 鈧?虄real Held芒 鈧劉. What these heroes generally do is not something with which you come into the newspaper. Make time for another, offer unsolicited help, bring comfort, be sounding board, do groceries that allow people to stay in their familiar environment for longer.
Everyone knows these kinds of examples from their own environment.You, the questioner, undoubtedly also.
General: For real heroes It involves two things, 1) interest and 2) anonymity.No favors needed, the hero sees that he/she has provided help and that is enough. Especially no money, which is perceived as buying off.
Real heroes.Can count on me
There are countless unnamed heroes.For example, anyone who does something that benefits a whole country is a hero, as far as I am concerned.
Cleaners that clean the streets on 1 January (but also on other days) in weather and wind.Firefighters, policemen and ambulance workers, who save lives every day, despite hufter behavior of bystanders, and risk their own lives. Even the teams that speed up repentance are heroes, they prevent accidents, which can cost lives. Lifeguards and juffs also make sure nothing happens. Soldiers, who seek help where they are needed to keep the order, risking their lives on peacekeeping missions. And so I can still go on. Of course there are exceptions to these and other groups, but that was not the question.
All people who are committed to the safety of our society.Soldiers who save the peace elsewhere or defeat the enemy, policemen who attack burglars and other spitting, firefighters who rescue people from their cars or even a burning house, Ambulance personnel who, despite the wacky society, are nevertheless Once again fully committed to saving someone’s life. The marechaussee who ensures that the airports are safe for us to enjoy our freedom.
And then I have forgotten many who, out of sight in all anonymity, are ensetting for our security.