My brother is severely disabled.GdB 80 I believe. He has PTBS, anxiety disorder, social phobia, complex social developmental disorder, autistic broad-spectrum disorder (may be that I haven’t expertly mentioned one or the other diagnosis now). Like him, I come from an extremely violent, Christian fundamentalist, ultra-racist household. Our two male producer parts had used the remaining family members as a valve for physical and psychological aggression. daily. Being beaten impotently, thrown against the wall, spitting, kicking and insulting the thieves, was all imaginable and probably also a lot of what is unimaginable for people who grew up in a non-violent household. Affection has not been experienced by either of us.
So, now to the subject.Until he was about 16, he had a fairly “normal” development. Even though my mother found it strange that he never tormented, he never wanted to have toys or sweets. At least he never asked for it. From the age of 16 it became even more noticeable, because he was very withdrawn, had no friends and was not “interested” in girls. In “learning” he never saw any meaning, neither in school nor in education. To everything, he seemed to force himself to please in an attempt. He probably copied me there in a way and with a year under me, he completed an apprenticeship as a chemical-technical assistant. When he couldn’t find a job even after three-quarters of a year and countless applications, he fell into a deep depression. There was a time when he did not leave his apartment for a few years and our mother took care of the purchases and cleaning of the apartment. I was too busy taking care of my own career to pay attention to what was going on with him. Our mother must have spoken to colleagues about it (she is a nurse). She was advised to go to a “depression ambulance” with him. Said, done. For a few years, various psychopharmaceuticals were tested on it, usually with moderate or no success. During this time he became fatter and fatter. Our mother thinks he is currently weighing about 160 kg. He has completely withdrawn. He doesn’t do anything, just seems to react aggressively or disinterestedly to any contact. He eats and sleeps, eats and sleeps. I myself hardly have any contact with him, because this is extremely difficult for me. Our mother is totally desperate because she won’t know how he’s going to live when she’s out of there and I don’t care about him. He is extremely dismissive and suspicious of strangers. Wants to be alone most of the time. The few feelings he has shown in the past seem to have given way to fear and anger that define his life. He has also developed acoustic perceptual disorders, muscle twitching, heartburn, hypochondria, irritable bowel syndrome and probably I just forget the other half. A few times I asked him why he wasn’t doing anything. Lose weight, e.g. or go out. Every time I get the answer: this world can offer me nothing that interests me. I’m just waiting for death.’ That’s why I wrote it off almost completely. If he is too weak to want to live, what should I do? And what are the benefits of all the soul-cliners out there? I have to go through exactly the same crap as him. If I’ve packed it to get away with it, why not him? Strong sex, pah!
Anyway, for me it seems as if he is “through” and no longer worth any effort.He has now been a basic beneficiary for 12-14 years and will probably soon be sent into an early retirement, I think. So THAT seems to be a version of potential consequences of ongoing mental health problems.