Where does ‘ scammers syndrome ‘ come from? Can we prevent our child from developing it?

Many people – and in particular even successful people – share a secret: deep inside they feel a scammer or an impostor – their achievements are according to them the result of coincidence and happiness.

This psychological phenomenon, known as the impostor syndrome, reflects the belief that you are an inadequate and incompetent failure, despite evidence indicating that you are skilled and quite successful.

So you feel like a scammer while you’re not. As if you are a deceiver and the whole world is going to expose you.

That feeling can seriously get in the way of people. Especially when it comes to their work.They are afraid that others (and themselves) find out that they are not competent enough. While they do their best to be competent.

As a customer in career coaching recently said “What I’ve done, really doesn’t suggest that much.I can’t do anything special. I don’t have success stories. “

Recognizable?Then you are not alone. According to research, approximately 70% of people suffer from impostor syndrome at work.

How do you get rid of it?These are 10 tips to deal with, whether mature or not yet.

1.Realize that famous people suffer from the same syndrome

What do you think of these world famous actresses for example?

“I still think people will discover that I’m really not very talented.

I’m really not very good. It’s all a big sham. ” – Michelle Pfeiffer

“Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going to a shoot, and I think I can’t do this.I’m a cheat star. ” – Kate Winslet

2.Stop your Perfectionism

If you feel an ‘ impostor ‘, that’s often because you’re comparing with a perfect ideal image.That does not really exist, and never existed.

Accept yourself, release this image, and you feel much more free.

3.Accepted that you have played a role in your successes

You did indeed do something to get there where you are now.For example, you said ‘ yes ‘ where you could have also say ‘ no ‘, or vice versa.

4.Focus on delivering value

You feel an impostor when you are worried about yourself: What will others think of me?If I don’t succeed, they will shun or reject me. I don’t know as much as that other, I have no right to say anything about that topic.

Focus on helping others, on delivering value rather than on those worries about how you will happen or not.

5.Collector’s Certificates

Whenever someone lets you know you’ve helped him or her, write it down (or save the mail) and put it in a folder.

Collect your victories, testimonials, whatever and watch them when you feel an impostor.

6.

Stop Comparing yourself with others

When you compare yourself with others, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “My life doesn’t look like anything compared to their lives”.

But know: you are not there to lead the life of another.You are here to do everything you can. You’re not an impostor, you’re just you.

7.Say “It is the Impostor syndrome” and it will be less

8.Remember: Being wrong makes you no deceiver

Making mistakes is part of it: Footballers miss more goal opportunities than they hit, the best trade fair traders lose money on most transactions, also presidents or Ceos of big companies have all the time wrong with all sorts of things.

Loss is part of the game.You deserve to play with, even though you haven’t won yet.

The world we live in is the result of many brave people trying, failing, and succeeding.You’re not an impostor when you try something that might not work. You are a hero!

When you were a baby you tried to walk every time and you fell back to the ground every time.Were you an impostor? Because who were you actually to walk? You couldn’t! Absurd, hey?!

9.Remember that you… Going to die

Do you want to regret your deathbed and regret that you have spent your whole life with yourself stopping because you felt an impostor?

And even if you don’t get rid of that feeling right away, you can take action and move forward in spite of that feeling.

Also read this article on my blog: The 19 things that people most regret on their deathbed

10.Find one person against which you can say that you are feeling an impostor.

The aloud can say to someone can already be a tremendous help.Especially if you can laugh about it.

Impostor syndrome: the challenge

You get the opportunity to overcome your impostor syndrome right now.

Write in the comments below this article one thing you have avoided because you felt an impostor (even though you didn’t know that word yet).

If it is too much for you to share it here, please send me a personal message.

Maybe you didn’t start writing that book because you feel you can’t do it as well as those ‘ established ‘ authors.

You may not have started a case because you think you are not an ‘ entrepreneur ‘.

Maybe you didn’t talk to that pretty girl/that pretty boy because….

Let me know.That is already a huge step. Even more awesome it will be to tackle it effectively too.

There are a number of possible answers for the source of “scammers syndrome”.

One of the most important is perhaps the Dunning-Krüger effect, in which people who know nothing or little are flooding of self-assurance, because they do not know how much they do not know and thus largely overestimate themselves, because they cannot estimate How much they can not and do not know.While people with a broad knowledge and skill underestimate themselves and believe to be modest. This effect is likely to be based again on the need of our brain to reward and stop unwanted feelings. That reward can give our brains itself if it performs something or if it eats something that satisfies our need at that time. But our brains can also give that reward at the moment when it feels a feeling of uncertainty coming up, as a form of consolation. Exactly as most parents do if their child happens to judge them as unpleasant and disappointing. Knocking yourself on the chest when you mentally become aware of your ignorance is a good way to distract yourself from that ignorance. Just as if you give yourself a kiss on your knee when you have it bumped.

In addition, the effect of a growth or fixed mindset (although scientifically not yet strongly substantiated).Someone with a fixed mindset, which therefore has the goal in mind instead of the road and possesses a lot of experience and knowledge, which will of course develop the self-image that the goal is not yet realized and thus find itself hopelessly inferior. While someone with a growth mindset with a lot of knowledge and experience will think correctly: there is still enough to discover and learn, so I’m not yet accomplished, but without doing anything I learn. The first will probably develop the idea that he is a scammer, after all he does not meet the final image he has in mind. The second one already has an end image, namely that he is a pupil who does his best to learn.

Furthermore, many educators still apply the comparison model.In addition, they compare a child with another child and the child who scores better in the eyes of the educator serves as an example for the child who scores less. This creates a self-image that you are never good enough if you are not like others. Many executives and especially narcissistic and sociopathic executives then make convenient use of this method to manipulate employees to keep their small and uncertain.

The occurrence of this self-image in children lies in a certain way in two acts in educators.The first is to make the child clear that you can only develop if you are actively doing something and that it is not about the goal but the way. You do this partly by giving the example, by showing your child that you are having fun with what you do and partly by letting the child become aware of the pleasure it is experiencing on what it does. So doing it becomes the starting point and not the goal. The second is to compare the child with himself, it is better today than yesterday and it is better tomorrow than today. This teaches that it is self-explanatory and that it is not about what others think, but about what you think of what you have done.

This requires awareness of educators when dealing with their child.Especially when they are self-educated in the model: be like another. The goal justifies the means. You’re only worth something if others appreciate you. You shouldn’t think you’re better. Just do it then you’re already crazy enough. If you are born for a dime, you will never get a penny.

It also means that as an educator you should not have to cuddle too quickly when a child comes to something uncomfortable.Instead, it’s probably more meaningful to give the child attention and give it the chance to learn how to cope with the unpleasant feelings. But that means taking time for your child even though you find it annoying what happened.

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