If my new girlfriend still keep her dating accounts (I understand that this is in the broad sense, so also keeping the account active is tracking) there is something good wrong between us:
We communicate insufficiently and make assumptions.And “We” is actually “me”.
Because if I’m still watching my girlfriend’s online activities after eight months, what am I doing?Why are we not talking about it?
This was one of the things that came up early in the relationship between me and my wife: How have previous relationships and dates been?Do you still have contact with others, what do you think of it?
I still had good contact with my ex, she was moving abroad a few years earlier, but my wife did not feel that nice.Not because of me, but because of its own uncertainty. And that has also been said honestly in that way.
Early in the relationship I also met the ex of my wife, and we are with him and the children at some point go buy clothes for the children.
I was very busy with the boys and at one point my wife and her ex hand walked through the city.When we came home, I said to her, “You still love him, huh?”. This was a swallow for my wife, but the answer was clear: she has a lot to thank her ex in her life, and although she has no romantic feelings for him, there is still a deep friendship.
My reaction: That’s beautiful, that you can love another human being?
I would go mad in a relationship where things like this are not just negotiable.An account on a dating site: So what? I am champion in forgetting things, and an account on a dating site I can also overlook. And if my wife would use her account on a daily basis, we could talk about it. Perhaps she likes the contact, or misses something in our relationship. Chances are that this has been discussed long and wide before the account comes into view, because if after 8 months you don’t know each other so well, how do you communicate?
In addition, and I am also firmly in it: I think you should have exclusivity in early dating.What can and cannot do. That’s after weeks, not after months. When I’m “dating” I don’t need exclusivity at all, but if I commit to someone. But that is also the moment when the “dating” is holding up, then the relationship enters the momentum. And if the other is not up to it, then we probably don’t fit together.
My wife is not my own, I am also not her own, and we do have agreements about exclusivity and what contacts we like and are not comfortable with.
How tricky is that?
This is a challenging situation I think.
If they already had those accounts for our relationship, but they do not do anything with them, who am I to instruct her to remove it?
If they didn’t have those accounts, but now all of a sudden… or they would still be active on those apps, then I would worry seriously…
I think I should have been living in the 50 years.This is all photografy too complicated for me. I also see many ‘ Tinder relationships ‘ going out in my immediate area. Often both parties have different expectations.
I don’t need to use those apps yet.Should it ever be necessary I will have to find a tutorial somewhere that is common or not, because I would not know it either.
That is his good right.When we are dating for 8 months, it doesn’t mean that he can’t search for someone better suited to him than I do. Fortunately, we do not live in the time when the relationship is only possible if we promised to do in the church to stay together until death separates us.
There are still couples who still do it and I respect it, although I do not think it is realistic anymore, but if they have the need to do it, because of their faith or just, I wish them all happiness.
Of course it is nice to believe that someone is so honest that by definition does not keep his eyes open, but such a thing does not exist.Dating site is just a means. If someone is not there, it literally means nothing.
Then he or she is not very serious about your ‘ relationship ‘.
He or she then wants to open an option………
And there is also still active if I understand it correctly?
Was the relationship meant to be monogamous?
Big Lie then so if that was so.
This relationship quickly out of the way.For that man will never change.
He might change, but unfortunately not for you.Otherwise, he had done so when he came into your life.
I myself have just so鈩?N kind of relationship behind it.Lasted 2 years. Until I found out. With me it was not just that. But many more lies.
So you’re not the only one.I assume that yours is also a good actor.
Strength with it.I don’t understand how people can live with themselves to be actively such liars, and find it OK to deal with someone else’s emotions.
That something is thoroughly wrong. Should I ever fix that, there would be only one answer: Thank you and see you soon.
Tjaaa芒 鈧?娄 “partner” and “dating” are such broad terms.The range goes from “someone with whom I have occasional sex” to “someone with whom I want to wear out my life”. Where are you on that spectrum? And how, and how quickly, has that evolved since the beginning of the relationship? That determines your expectations. He himself is also somewhere on that spectrum, perhaps not in the same place, and he is also in an evolutionary process. So hope to have room for misunderstandings, “inpositions”, and feel deceived.
The fact that he keeps his accounts still wants to say that he does not see his relationship with you, or yet, as something that is firm, or clear, or something he really engages in. This will be painful for you because in 1 of your answers you say above all to be looking for “binding”.
“Binding” is of course a scarce resource in a society where many (or all?) are looking for happiness and happiness is an emotion, something which is not very stable. In itself therefore not sufficient for a partnership relationship, seems to me.
I also have the impression, on the basis of what you tell about yourself on the forum, that you are a bit in a second spalt.On the one hand you are a very independent person (perhaps because you have had to learn to survive from very young in circumstances that were both emotional, affective and financially very difficult) but on the other hand you also search for binding. I understand this as “a warm nest where I may be who I am and that holds a high degree of autonomy”. This can give rise to very sharp tensions, within yourself, but also within relationships.
It depends what he does with the accounts on dating apps.If he uses the accounts secretly, he is likely to look forward to other relationships and that he will be infidelity to you sooner or later. But it may also be that he holds those relationships just to chat, as a social medium. But in that case he could also ask those same people to keep in touch via another social medium that is not based on dating, for example Facebook.
That he/she does not take the relationship he/she has with you seriously and is considered as an intermediate station to something better.Out the door with him or her.