I came home.My mother was cooking, her best friend was sitting at the table. I said: I have a girlfriend.
I do not even remember what my mother said hahaha but my mothers girlfriend said “Yes, that can of course, too,” and that was my great coming out hahahaha.
I have an uncle who is gay, so it was quite accepted in my family.He also always took friends with me to my grandma’s birthday. And my parents are very liberal and open. I was not afraid of it either.
I had no word at the same, for what I was.I only knew that I was not making a distinction. Only later did the word become a bisexual.
Since I am still verlot, Komtie!
I was a 4 year old Girls Smurf, who lived in Greece because of my father’s work.I generally felt very alone and because we were an expat family, the other parents were afraid that they would hurt their own child by making contact with me. I did have friends; But the fire soon extinguished with many. I suffered from anger because because of my autism I couldn’t express me and because of my depression felt not understood, it stacked up.
Meanwhile I watched a lot of TV, especially in the evening I watched with my parents all the series that you would not expect from a child.The Simpsons, The Big Bang Theory, two and a Half Men, Top Gear, Family Guy and a few more.
Therefore I got the idea, that to get attention I had to have a relationship with a boy.A romantic one. So, Valentine’s Day card for a boy made at the English lesson and was then again laughed at by the first one the best.
That went on for a while, guys thought I wanted to kiss with them, and it became a game I had behind them, especially because I could run fast.Then finally we came back to the Netherlands, it did not go so well with me. My eczema suddenly got worse because of stress and the weather, when I came to a new school that was absolutely terrible. Again a boy who thought I wanted to kiss him, again a couple of girls who thought I was inpied their best friend, and therefore ended up in the fire of their hatred.
Other school, other classroom, and I found an online game called MovieStarPlanet.
That was my paradise.I quickly became fairly popular after I created a new account and then.. Came the drama. I actually dated every week with another guy, I also really just made it out because they weren’t online all week or so. More not, I wanted their attention.
Ended up in a lot of complete weird drama, from guys who threatened suicide to a guest who was supposedly dead because of a burglar and he said at the last minute he loved me or so.(Really all very weird.)
Just a reminder that I was then something of 10/11.In the meantime, it often went wrong at school with making contact, I was more often at home, and I obtained a swim diploma A. (Yes, a 10 year old with children of 6, very nice.)
And I felt worse, when I went to school I made contact, did have a couple of girlfriends but it often ended up in me who stood alone.Became girlfriends with the sister of a fellow swimming mate (we swam at the same times).
And.. I fell in love.Completely peruneven of course, and I didn’t notice it at all but I was pretty jealous, did not fit in the general groups I was in, and was used for me Wii, the MSP movies I made and the food that my mother always brought. But I fell in love. I definitely didn’t notice it while I tried to keep all the drama on moviestarplanet in check, but I was secretly giving her more solid hugs, and I followed the example of America: Kisses on the cheek, hugs etc. (I know, not too useful.)
When she said she was going to move to her father, the hell broke loose and I never talked her out of anger.
I did know, that I was bi in the meantime.That was clear.
So I was now a bisexual 12 year old Smurf, who still had terrible at school.
I developed an internet addiction, and my own language in emoticons.Got relationship after relationship, drama after drama. But in group 8, I got relationships with guys I knew in real. That was a bit of a thingy, I was on special education in that year.
Then had two relationships and was one of the most popular in the classroom, (12 children per class..)
Middlebare School came along, did not do well, Geneens could choose me own school.Here I got a relationship online again via via, and so it went on. I was actually heartly hetero with a bisexual label.
Tried to make contact with girls online, also had a crush on someone but that person soon disappeared.
Finally got a relationship, with a boy I ended up with for a year and a half, and my watercolour addiction gave a start.He was/is really top, but he was more of a workaholic eventually, and I had to start working on myself. Went out, K茅ihard worked on myself. It turned out that as a kind of James Bond I was always searching for a boy to dating, it was absolutely terrible. I always felt nervous and was also something too attentive.
Around February 2018 I was almost finished with my part-time treatment with a group, when I got ‘ something ‘ with a boy again.
Walked on nothing. Why?Because I am heartstikke demisexually apparently, and gay. And then I began to discover that slowly, I felt increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of having a guy have something. More something you just ‘ do ‘, no positive emotion to find.
It also turned out that I would rather have a band first before I want to contact sexually or romantically, so Hello demisexually.
I finally spent a year about it, all summer vacation last year about it stressed, continuously working on it.Now I know, I have also updated with 1 person, but went too fast and turned out emotionally unavailable, so I now also stick to this. I told my parents, mother was confused because I had so many boys. And now.. She actually talks exactly the same way about girls; “Have you met anyone?” ‘ Are there nice girls there? ‘ etc. Still equally weird to answer. So parents loved it all okay, for them it was more the shock of that I am so much happier now. Because around the time of my realization about my homosexuality, I stopped taking certain medications, I have a lot less escorts and I was working on my subcertificates.
I am again the girl what I was then, but even more myself.I know what attention is now, and I wish everyone knew that. You get attention not only through relationships, but also through your dog, your cat, if your mother/parent has already bought cookies for you, your favourite. You’ll also find attention in friendship, and secretly that’s also healthier.
So here I am, MelinaJulia.My coming out was a complete search, and sometimes I still doubt. But the female sex I find really better than the male sex. Just get depressed from the idea though!
(I have also succeeded in Dutch and English!Havo! School is therefore well-established. (: )