The proudest of my life was on the evening of September 16, 2016.
I’ve been dreaming of this moment for years.On crutches I walked through Barcelona.
I completed my first Spanish course at the age of 9.
In 2006 I went with my father to Bremen and watched my first game of Barca.
The second one followed in Munich in 2009.
I visited Barcelona in 2010, 2011, 2013, and 2014.
A life in Barcelona – my childhood dream.
In May 2016, I was promised that I would be able to complete my last year at university in Spain.
I knew I could only stop myself from being sick or death. (Three ligament tears in my left ankle didn’t stop me)
With the certaintythat I will go to Barcelona in a few months, doubts came.
Barcelona – the star on the horizon.
The star that with its light overshadows the glow of all other stars. The light of a supernova? So an explosion of a star?
Stars are so far from Earth that the light of their explosion can still be seen on the horizon, even though they have not existed for a long time.For me, Barcelona has been as unattainable and far away from the earth’s surface all these years as stars. I worked day by day, walking and approaching the barcelona star piece by piece. Now I am closer than ever, see the bright light and feel the heat, the warm accompaniment of an explosion. It is not the heat that is like a fire, not the fire that I carry in my heart, and that has carried me up to this point, near the star. It is the heat of an explosion that spreads fear and terror; an explosion that follows complete emptiness.
There is a fear in me that I have nothing.All this, as is customary with a supernova, was taken by an explosion. At the end of a long journey, I’m afraid I won’t find what made me on the journey. I am afraid that Barcelona does not meet my dreams, does not fill the empty parts of my heart, that longing does not satisfy, that everything is improved.
I am afraid that my whole life will be chased after a light that exists only from afar.I am afraid that my whole life has followed the lure of a place that promises light but shows darkness as soon as you reach it.
On the evening of September 16, 2016, I walked on crutches through Barcelona.
A year of study in Barcelona was ahead of me.
I felt I wouldn’t be disappointed.
I was proud that I had always stuck to my dream and worked hard for it.
Many happy months followed.
Everything I saw years earlier happened.
I lived my childhood dream.