From my autism I always have the blessing to be very honest.This blessing was a curse in my teenage years. ‘ Do I have to be thick in this dress? ‘ asked one of my girlfriends. ‘ Yes sure! ‘ I said to her. She burst into tears. I thought only what an ugly dress, I did not think she was thick and thought more ‘ that dress had not been well stood ‘.
I ended up being a little out of the way, and they communicated so much, that there was no country to sail for me.Everything had three double meanings. I really don’t feel like it, and I didn’t understand any bothering. So soon I had got the sticker ‘ ‘. Something that hurt me very much because if someone is gentle then I am.
I was only always way too honest.There was no filter on it, and what Jaap also says in his reaction: things have been said to have just said. There I had a hand of-facts bubbling with me just on it and BAM there they are on the street. When I became aware of that, I immediately stopped there.
Only a lot later I learned (myself) to make nuance and speak the language of others rather than my own.DUH I thought afterwards, but so does it. Just like you are visiting another country, everyone speaks a kind of language as well. I then went to listen to the words they used or look at how they said things to others and that way I talked to them again. This experienced people as very pleasant and here I also often get compliments about (indirectly). In consultations or other conversations that people say ‘ I think only Chais hears what I really say. ‘
All in all, this will cost me a lot of trouble.Sometimes I also wonder if this does not require too much of me. I compensate quite well in that area and lately I am also a little busy letting go of the weather a bit because hi I also want to talk in my own language! Many people can really do that for a while, it’s so honest, you have to be very sure of yourself you want to draw that. Luckily I can ‘ be ‘ in my own way at home.
Sometimes it also delivers hilarious situations. Flirting is something for example, yes you can try it, but I just think what you are doing there then weird to do.
Or ‘ Do you feel like going to do something this weekend? ‘
‘ No. ‘ Uncomfortable silence.”Do you mean with you?”
Yeah Hello!That changes the case. People sometimes don’t realize how little they say and but expect everyone to understand what they mean. So sometimes they can use someone if I do:)
Being honest is telling the truth, being blunt is not weighing your words when you do.This does make that lack of vocabulary leads to boiteness without it being so intended. Then it is rather pasty and clumsiness. The difference you notice soon enough when you speak to someone on it. The clumsy Palooka comic strip will acknowledge his mistake and make excuses quite easily, the blunt Horkheim will become defensive or aggressive and complain about political correctness.
I prefer that people be honest and direct, than they are honest and blunt.Blunt honesty means that they do not take into account how they come about, what does happen to direct honesty.
Being blunt is in an unfriendly way of talking.
That is often not there.Being honest is just not always handy. (No that you’re great!)
And if you want to be it, it is useful if you have any empathic feeling and can frame things well.Not to say too straight.
Always remember what your GOAL is to say something, what do you want to accomplish?Just ‘ that it is said ‘? Then go on to the TOILET… Nobody is bothered by that.
Would you like someone to get a new insight?Understand something? If you know what you want to accomplish with your information, and understand and introduce how that happens to that other, you often say it just as different. To achieve your goal better and to help that other more.
Being honest is about the truth of what you are saying.芒 鈧?艗does these pants Make me fat? 芒 鈧?and then react with: 芒 鈧?艗no totally not, you are really great! 芒 鈧?While the pants are really super ugly. That is not a fair response because the person does ask a question and then makes a decision with misinformation, which can later provide for annoying situations.
Being blunt has more the make with empathy, or actually the lack of it.React with: 芒 鈧?艗yes, those pants make you incredibly thick! 芒 鈧?is blunt, because you do not observe that the question of whether the trousers make the person thick is a sensitive issue. The person really wants to hear only what you think of the trousers. At the same time, the person seems dissatisfied with his or her appearance and expects comforting words that this is not necessary. Even though the trousers might accentuate the overweight of a person, it is not in the interest of the person (or yourself!) to make this known. You can then react better with: 芒 鈧?艗no Joh, you’re not at all fat, but these pants just stand badly, which I wouldn’t attract. 芒 鈧?p>
So it is perfectly possible to be honest without having to get a bot.However, the latter does require some empathy.
Bot: “What are you a jerk!”
Honestly: “I’ve been so tricky with what you just said/did that I don’t know what said/done and I don’t want to be near you either.”
Bot: “I hate it here!”
Honestly: “I now don’t feel like being here and probably not in the future either when I look at previous experiences.Doei! “
Bot: “I never got to know you!”
Honestly: “I have decided that I don’t want to put time into relationships that cost me more energy than I love. Right now I have to take care of myself and choose and disconnect all contact (temporarily). “
Bot: “I also can’t do anything about you!”
Honestly: “I have so much need for freedom and creativity right now.Do you see it possible to award me or do I have to stand my stripes?
Conclusion: honesty without boiteness is tricky (and sometimes not completely or even not avoidable), but well worth it often.
Look for the connecting perspective and alternative.Non-violent communication can help enrich life so much.
Related (with more info on and sources to non-violent/connecting communication): answer from Pieter van Hecke on I am told that I am to be judging.How can I get into the thought of listening to people and never letting anyone think I condemn them?
“In the trenches of your own conviction/judgment, even if you are right and on the winning hand, you are still at war.”
Source: Age of absurdity
You are honest when you try to prevent others from being blunt.
With honesty you take someone in protection. Boiteness is when you try to press someone with the nose on the sore spot. People appreciate honesty but hate boiteness. There is sometimes an unclear boundary as one person can have a bit more than the other and sometimes you have to be blunt to penetrate. If you think you don’t hurt another, I guess.
Sometimes the truth is hard, but also lies can be hard.Honest and Blunt are two terms that sometimes go together, but sometimes not. You have say honest, blunt, honest and blunt and neither (sorry for the ambiguity!)