What is the best way to defend myself against someone who tries to ‘gaslight’ me?

If it is possible: Take flight!If this is not possible, one should definitely try to keep one’s senses together and always be aware that the person who wants to gaslight one is very sophisticated in lying and manipulating. Even if there is currently no reason to doubt their statement, always have in mind: “That is a lie, that is a lie….” Maybe it’s not a lie. But better, one first doubts in such people about all their statements and sorts later, when one is alone and has the opportunity to use one’s brain in peace, perhaps again in the mind, whether this could really have been lied to or not. Because it is important to stay careful!! Always be mind-and-witt.

Anyone who can see that gaslighting is being operated is already clearly at an advantage!To recognize this subtle approach alone means that the mind of the person to be made a “victim” still seems to work very well. And that should definitely remain the case!

Never lose faith in yourself and what you have said or done!If necessary, write down important things so that you can check later on your own notes what it really was like. Self-confidence, mindfulness and confidence in oneself definitely make it harder for gaslighters.

Likewise, I can only advise: not to show those who try to gaslight that they are swaying at what he/she says, as they otherwise refine their strategy and proceed even more subtly.You have to be more attentive, the whole thing becomes MORE strenuous. I do not want to say that we should go into this on a sham, well, maybe a little bit. If the person who gas-lightes thinks his strategy is working, he feels safe and may not necessarily let go of his victim, but he behaves less strenuously for the victim and it is easier for oneself to see through his methods.

Unfortunately, this does not always work.But if you have the strength and the possibility, you do reasonably well with this tactic.

It is also important to get third parties on board.These can be best friends, colleagues you blindly trust (it really has to be familiar and you have to be absolutely sure of their trust) or even a therapist. The “gaslighter” often creates social isolation. Here, too, we must be attentive. The contacts that one cultivates oneself do not necessarily rub under the nose of the manipulator constantly. Freely following the motto: “What he/she doesn’t know doesn’t make him/her hot.” If the manipulator does not know that certain contacts are maintained, he cannot prevent them. Contacts are potential “enemies” for him, because those who may take away his sacrifice! The safer the gaslighter feels, the less reason there is to manipulate the victim! The confidants who take the victim on board should always compare the perception of the victim with their perception, so that there can be no doubts about the victim. Both they and their confidants think the same thing, which ultimately strengthens the victim’s thinking.

It is tempting to know the truth to confront the manipulator with it.But that should not be done! It only costs strength and nerves. He may even believe in his/her perception. A defence posture is taken, manipulation is somehow explained, the victim mentions counter-arguments, which in turn are nullified by the manipulator. All of this is just nerve-wracking and leads to nothing at all.

Gaslighters must not be allowed to give power over themselves and should defend themselves.This is not always possible directly, because it simply costs the victims too much strength. The indirect way would be to react, at least in part, as the manipulator thinks it should be, but keep his mind full and not doubt his own perception! Never!

Example: The gas lighter asks his victim to close the front door in the evening.The victim does this. (Very important here: CONSCIOUSly carry out this activity!) Later, the manipulator accuses his victim of forgetting to close the door! It is important that the victim himself knows that there is NO need to doubt himself, because after all, one is aware that one has completed. If you start a discussion with the tormentor and deny that the door was still open, this will lead to nothing but even more emotional stress. Instead, say, “Oh herrje, I could have swear that I’ve finished. I was absolutely sure.” This is something like what the gaslighter wants to hear. He now believes that he is driving his victim more and more into madness. In reality, however, the victim remains master/in his/her sense. So nothing happens. The gaslighter will make even more such attempts, but they all fail if the victim holds the senses together and does not doubt himself.

If you want to make it clear to me that this does NOT work, which may be in some cases, I can only say to you: I have been practicing this “technique” for several years with two narcissists (private and professional) in my immediate environment, to whom I do not escape.And what can I say? It works! Life with these people is not easy, but if you apply this “trick”, you survive without taking any significant bruises.

Never openly and conspicuously shoot at the manipulators, they find a way to portray their victims as implausible.Rather wait until the gas lighter fails, those who are there in the meantime point out, like: “Uh, what was THAT?” If this happens more often, the “viewers” doubt the gaslighter over time. All of this can take time. Time is working here for the victim. The fewer people still trust the gaslighter, the more the more people find the gas lighter “remarkable”, the better. The manipulator makes mistakes at some point, because he/she realizes that his/her tactics don’t really work out. The gas lighter keeps “going back”. This is no longer considered, but simply acted, because the manipulator wants to see a result quickly. He finally wants to see that the victim is slowly falling into madness. His actions are therefore less thoughtful and therefore more transparent for all, both victims and spectators.

This can only be achieved with patience, with restraint and (I can only say it again and again) with mindfulness and vigilance!Be vigilant is the be-all and end-all! As soon as a mistake appears and there are “fence guests” present, react immediately and point out as inconspicuously as possible that someone has just behaved very stupidly here. Don’t say, “You see?? Didn’t I say it? He or she no longer has all the cups in the cupboard!” Narcissists/gaslighters/manipulators immediately respond to such statements with defense. Likewise, this is less well received by “Fenceguests”. Rather a rather calm reaction, like “Well, I don’t understand that now. Doesn’t he/she not contradict himself/herself?” Or: “Can someone explain this to me, I won’t come with me anymore.” As a result, the incident also happens to the audience.

At some point there is a whole “collection” of “stupid deeds” of the gas lighter.At the right moment, one can then gently remind the guests of the fence, like: “That was so strange back then and we couldn’t explain the behavior….” or “I just remember the incident back then…. it was similar.” There will be people who will also remember! These are on the side of the “victim” at the moment. Basically, narcissists work the same way. Just that they’re lying! The victim, on the other hand, recalls true events.

It is super exhausting to live with such people.The only “rescue” is really – should escape not be possible – mindfulness, attention, STAY WACH! In addition, one should “train” oneself in succinct statements. Such as, “Oh, is that really true?” or “I could have sweared it was different.” or “Should I have been wrong?” or “I wouldn’t have guessed that now.” This is not an admission of guilt to the gaslighter, but since it is in any case an answer or answer. expected a reaction, these are at least statements that satisfy him and on the basis of which he cannot nail one.

Is that really true?- Yes. – End of the conversation.

I could have swear it was different.- No, it wasn’t. – End.

Should I have been wrong?- Yes. – End.

I wouldn’t have guessed that now.- But it was so. – End.

The manipulator will find no further reason to further develop his/her tactics, he/she assumes that he/she has already won.But he does not notice that his victim has all the senses together and virtually “manipulates” Him.

It takes a certain amount of practice to be able to deal with such people, but if you have managed to do it, it is worth it!It will never be easy, but you are also a bit proud to see how basically the manipulator wonders that his tactics are actually not fruitful, even though it looks as if his/her plan has come to fruition. All this because one has kept one’s own mind together!

If I have not always chosen the gender-appropriate form here, rest assured: I mean all genders.People who gaslight others are everywhere, whether man, woman or variety.

I hope I could help.

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