So, I had and have had several mental illnesses.
It started with anorexia when I was 15 years old.I dropped 30kg in a year. In the end, only a small slice of wholemeal bread was ate in the morning and a handful of vegetables with rice or potatoes at noon. Then nothing more during the day. Mostly I displaced the hunger with 3 liters at once drinking water or 30 minutes on the treadmill. At some point at 65kg at 185cm height it was too stupid for me. I started eating again.
Then came psychosis and depression at the age of 17 when my parents divorced because my father was cheating on my mother.I couldn’t cope with it and developed this mental illness in this way. I was conspicuously turned in, had switched from very good grades at school to very bad grades because I had sleep problems and very severe concentration problems. I started to see blood on the school hallway where no one knew scared me very much. I began to hear voices where there were none (i.e. inner voice similar to thoughts). I imagined that I could communicate mentally with others. I didn’t start going to school anymore because I was just writing bad grades. I also hid in my nursery and crouched on the floor in a corner on the wall. Didn’t want to know anything more about my best friends because I thought they were all going to claw me, and not only my best friends clawed me, I believed that the whole world was against me, that the newsreader was secretly encrypting me Messages sent in a secret language. I painted creepy design in my diary, started listening to heavy metal zb System of a down which I never heard otherwise.
My mother, of course, was worried, looking for a psychologist who immediately diagnosed me with psychosis and sent me to the psychiatrist where I was given groaning medications called risperdal and orfidal.I stopped listening and was getting calmer and could sleep, but I was so groaned that I was just tired and trapped in a dream.
I stopped taking the medication without knowing that you couldn’t just put them off like that.After the failed A-levels, I started training as a waitress. It went well for a year without medication. It was when I met my current partner. I formed one he goes to me several times stranger, he would steal me, shadow me and stalk. All of this led to me dropping out of training a week before graduation and separating from my boyfriend. I then cut off my long beautiful hair up to 1 mm, stayed at home again, could not sleep for days, walked at night with the dog instead of during the day because I didn’t want to meet people, I just wanted to die because the voices were miserably me have made a joke. During the day I tried to get some sleep (usually it was 3 hours a day). This went on again (1 year) until I went to a day clinic for 1 year where you are told what this disease is, how to deal with it, and that you should not stop the medication without medical supervision. In addition, there were other patients, like-minded people, who were similar… you felt there.
When I was released from the day clinic healthy again with a newer drug called abilify, which showed no side effects in me, I blossomed again in my life, had a zest for life again and looked for my friend, whom I had left a year ago.He didn’t actually recognize me because I had gained about 10-20kg due to my isolation. Let’s say he was a bit shocked and offended that I had left him at the time. Even if he imagines having a relationship with me again, he “forgives” me my illness. I have to say he still doesn’t think I had and still have a mental illness. He thinks I’m just lazy. But I love him.
Now I was out of the day clinic, was back with my boyfriend and started an apprenticeship as an office clerk, which I successfully completed thanks to the medication.I was doing something, doing an internship in a real estate company. Then I started an apprenticeship as a hotel clerk. I was somehow persuaded by my friend and my father that my psychopharmaceuticals would damage my body (the liver etc.) so I abruptly stopped the medication again, there were thoughts again that my friend was cradled me, I made him hell hot though he had nifiable. Eventually I decided to go back to therapy and take the medication again.
We decided to move back to Germany at some point, my friend and I.I lived in Spain for 15 years.
There I started an apprenticeship as a train attendant at Deutsche Bahn and I already had some problems with howres in my training, bullying of a certain person who couldn’t suffer me and laughed at me, and also sleep deprivation because I take the train 2-3 every morning. had to travel to the training centre.I then started working and after several attacks by black drivers I was incapacitated for almost 2 years. To this day. Now I have also developed a recurring pancreatitis that erupts every 2 months and Then I am inpatient in the clinic for about 1 week. Now I start on Wednesday with the psychosomatics because of eating disorders (binge eating) and after that I do a professional rehab specialized in mentally ill.
That’s been my life since the psychic.Problems explained in a text. It took me a bit of overcoming to tell so many people if it’s read.