Now, after 6 years together, it starts to get used a bit, we will say.
Yes, you will be as very emotionally developed and read and free-spirited Dutch in a small place in one of the most conservative AND religious states of America….
America is a spiritually shabby country.There are exceptions, but there is no personal matter with each other. Men and women lead separate lives, unless they want to do some (sex and/or relationship). Friendships between men and women do not exist. If you continue to deal with your ex, that’s because you still want him/her. And no one talks about feeling. One talks about occurrences, about events, about things. Not about himself, not about feeling, not about personal things.
So my wife doesn’t.Even after 6 years it is still difficult to get her to talk about feeling. There she becomes very uncomfortable. She can also absolutely not resist when I cry. Because she has no idea what she should do with it. She really doesn’t know. They all don’t learn that.
And that’s where I come, someone who has a feeling without difficulty.Wow, how uncomfortable people get there from it!
These are really very big differences.I was very worried about that. I have no regrets though, that well again not, but it was certainly much harder than I had imagined. America is still a modern country??!! Well…. No so.
My wife is out of the tone here.She is atheist, and left, and lesbian. Surely atheist are here zeeeeeeer out of the question. I have rarely had a conversation where religion, God, Jesus, “blessed”, or “prayers” do not occur.
But in many other respects she has got the conservative backgrounds.Women hear themselves shaving in armpits and on legs, hairs are dirty and unacceptable. Bare tops and short dresses cannot. And she has certainly found it very difficult for three years that I still went with my ex (because we have children together and they are both children with a manual).
All this has resulted in a great deal of tension.Much more than I thought in advance.
No regrets though!
But it’s really not easy.Love can not always overcome everything.
I find an international relationship in the Netherlands rather easier than a relationship with a Dutch man.If both partners come from another country, we go blank, we have to find out from scratch how we do that together in the Netherlands. Flexible handling of each other’s mindset and the Dutch habits. A relationship with a Dutchman in the Netherlands means that he is at home and I have to adapt.
I find Dutch women and foreign women equally difficult.I have two marriages behind with not Dutch (English) women and then you tend to attribute the collisions to subtle differences in culture. I doubt afterwards if that was right, because I have just such collisions with Dutch women.
I think the biggest problem is that it is going to be much more drastic. What’s going to happen?Will she take the children to her homeland, or will she stay here and expect your hair to be maintained? I can still feel the stress when I think back to it.
Language is easy to bridge.With my French speaking woman I speak systematically English, although we both speak fluent Dutch and French. English is the safe language that we both control equally well.
Such a solution is not for cultural differences.Who do you congratulate on a birthday? Who do you invite at a party? How do you accept a gift? What makes a very logical feeling for the other is completely wrong. And you never completely get away.
For me, the language difference is one of the biggest hurdles.In the meantime, my wife has lived more than half of her life in the Netherlands and speaks Dutch well enough for daily use. And if it fails, it switches to English. For home-garden-and-kitchen use this fits fine.
In A relationship, however, you also have conversations about other topics.My wife controls English similar to Dutch and sometimes knows or knows the English word. But if that’s not the case, you’ll quickly get to the dictionary.
With the dictionary you can also come a little, but there are also words that are not in it, and Google translate is between English and Thai also not flawless.And these are sometimes quite important words.
Linked to it, but to me less tricky, is another way of thinking and acting.Not really culture for me, more of a mindset. Even with the dictionary translation at hand, you find out that the word has a different nuance as the dictionary translation.
I am active on the English Quora in the topics of Buddhism and meditation and notice that the standard translations of ancient Buddhist texts occasionally also just miss a piece of nuance which is related to understanding what is in experience.This I also notice in Thai, some words are related to experience and which are tricky to translate. Because we live in the Netherlands, it is occasionally quite difficult for me to fathom the Thai mindset, but after a few weeks Thailand is often a lot better.
Furthermore, the “burdens” are especially practical.My father-in-law died a few years ago and my wife had no time to fly to him to say goodbye to him. That is really very difficult. When we go to my mother-in-law we are also a day on the road with all travelling. Luckily there is now video chat, and so my wife is regularly chatting with her mother and it costs nothing extra. In the past, this was also different.
I met my wife in the Netherlands, I can imagine that a long-distance relationship also has its challenges.I have no experience with that.
Accepting each other’s differences and differences in the practices that are different in the country of residence compared to the country of origin.
Beyond that, it can be difficult for people from one country to express their feelings freely, but in the other country this is not encouraged.In The Netherlands, people are not accustomed to expressing feelings (except ‘ we ‘, for example, playing football against other countries).
Take perspective through the differences in culture and take time to do so.In particular, I believe that the latter is being done too little, with the result that relatively more of these relations are spreading to divorce.
Sometimes the hardest thing is the procedure needed to be able to live together with this partner the hardest.It is different, per country, per person and per couple, how tricky that is, but it can go from a few weeks to several years between meeting and before you finally live together.
I suspect that many problems are attributed to culture.But also partly not quite rightly I suspect. Of course, culture also influences one’s personality and character. But how someone has become, you cannot blame the culture.
Other values in life, what the one normally finds the other weird etc.