What is it like when your child is born by a woman you don’t love?

I apologize for replying anonymously.I’m sure I didn’t love her when our son was born, and she probably doesn’t read Quora. Still, I don’t want to risk her getting hurt if she ever reads it.

I met my sons’ mother through a family member.I was in my early 30s, she was in her late 20s. I never wanted children and always let a woman know from the beginning. She said she didn’t want a child at the time, but maybe later.

When I first met her, I was immediately fascinated.I thought she was beautiful, had a fantastic figure, she was fiery, sweet but tough, great humour, intelligent and interesting. She was also very confident and down-to-earth. I was wrong.

Our first date was a great time, we had so much fun, laughed a lot, great conversations.I was addicted. short. Within a few weeks, I first noticed things. Instructions to control, manipulative. As the days went on, I began to see a lot of things. I didn’t feel comfortable in it. She had been seriously injured in her childhood and I didn’t have the life skills to deal with someone who was hurt. I had no idea how to help her. If I had the patience, she would take full advantage of me at some point if I tried. After a few months, I knew it was over for me.

Her lease had expired in less than two months and she was going to share a house with someone.I decided to wait until after the move to separate. I just thought it would make it a little bit easier.

Not long after I made this decision, one night she became very seductive with me and we had sex without contraception.Oh yes, I knew the risk, but my dumb man could only resist the temptation for a short time. It took me about 15 or 20 minutes before I gave in. Schien like a day and a half.

A few days before the move, when I helped her pack, she told me that she didn’t get her period.Maybe nothing, she said, she hadn’t gotten before. But just in case she asked me how I feel if she had an abortion. I told her I thought that was the best thing because I didn’t want children at all and she didn’t want one at that point, but it was her decision. A family member once told me how difficult her abortion had been, so I didn’t want to insist on it. I thought.

She decided that this would also be the best, and it seemed to be decided in all cases.

On the day of the move, the evening when I dragged the last things into the house, she took a pregnancy test.When she walked out of the bathroom to the room and I saw that her pale skin was even pale and her eyes glassy, I knew. I knew my future had just been completely changed. complete.

We sat down on a couch and talked.Although I already knew, I literally sank physically deeper into the couch when I realized that, despite all the effort I thought was logical, reasonable arguments to end the pregnancy, i couldn’t go through it.

I didn’t love her and doubt that she really loves me.She was determined to make it work. I was determined not to live with her. We were both dismayed for various reasons. Our conversation became less and less reasonable and became more and more panicked. It became an ugly argument before I left.

The pregnancy was difficult, physically for her and emotional for both of us.Our romance was over, but she hadn’t let go. I told her I would help support her during pregnancy, and the child who would be born once, and that I wanted to be involved in the life of the child. She wanted more than that. My mind had already made up my mind. We fought.

The day my son was born, I was there, in the room, doing the things I was there for, and following the nurses’ instructions.It is an amazing experience to see a child being born, your child being born. Don’t miss it. Seriously, don’t miss it.

The first two years were tough.Incredibly rough. Sometimes too rough. She stuck to the idea of “us.” I always expected her to behave like a reasonable person and accept that there was no “we.” Even if she pretends to need it. We fought more. Twice we have not spoken for three or four weeks.

Eventually, she accepted that we would not meet again.Eventually, I learned to communicate better with her. We had drawn up a timetable for shared custody with equal time. We were both there for his first days at school. We shared his “first” milestones. We shared pictures. We did his birthday parties together. We took turns going to parenting conferences. We supported each other with discipline. We became friends.

Our son is now in his 20s.He is a beautiful young man with a bright future. He is a good man, a polite man, an honest man, not a beschi**enes Arschl*ch. He is an intelligent man with a good sense of humour. He treats people as he expects him to treat him. He is our son and our friend. He knows he is loved.

I’m lucky that I really don’t have any substantial remorse, that kind of remorse that eats you.If I hadn’t been there when my son was born, it would be kind of remorse. It really would have been my biggest mistake of my life.

I say this again.It is an amazing experience to see how your child is born. Don’t seriously miss it, don’t miss it. You don’t want you to regret it at some point.

And please, be the best parent you can be.No matter how difficult it gets, never give up on your child. Our situation was really ugly at times, remarkably unpleasant on some days. But we both moved on and figured out how to work together for our child. We survived it and it was worth it. It was really worth it.

One last time – don’t miss it!

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