I’m going to tell a few stories.They all refer to men who have married women who have not loved them.
- My father’s first marriage.
They met in college, he promised to marry her, went to another country for a year, came back – and realized he had no feelings for her. But he could not break his promise! This marriage lasted 9 years. Two children, constant arguments, my father cheats endlessly…. Bad, bad divorce – after my father fell in love with my mother and she became pregnant with me. My father still supported his children from their first marriage, but as they grew up, there was no further contact between them and him. Sad, but I suspect he doesn’t love her…. because he never loved his first wife.
He married his wife No. 1 because she was mad at him, and made a request to him. 7 years, no children, like marriage, no going abroad – he’s a decent guy. And then he falls in love with the girl #2. He tells his wife, divorces and finds out that this new girl is a lesbian. He is devastated and unhappy. This girl No.3 comes over and practically saves the guy. She persuades him to stop drinking and smoking, takes him into therapy, and they eventually get married – because for him “he’s so grateful for this No. 3”. But I guess it takes more than “be thankful.” Four years later, they are divorced. He told me this: “You will probably condemn me, but it is better not to live at all than to live without love”.
Sweet, sweet, sweet girl… She was with this one guy for 4 years. Her father eventually stepped in and told the guy to either marry his daughter or get himself safe. I wouldn’t tell this story if there wasn’t a single dirty detail. This guy liked – ME – all 4 years when he went out with this girl. No, there was nothing between us, because I remained faithful to my husband. I haven’t spoken to him much, I’ve even shunned him. But you know something is wrong when the guy is constantly nearby, making offers to help, staring at you in church – while you go out with someone else…. What have I done? That’s what I told my husband. And then we did nothing. What would you do? Who would have thought that they would divorce after 4 years of unhappy marriage. Lesson learned: You don’t stare at another girl when you’re in love with your fianc茅e.
She was in her late 40s and widowed when this 20-year-old neighbour fell in love with her. He came from a strict Muslim family, and his father arranged his marriage with his cousin. Three broken lives…. For more than 20 years, this guy revolved around my grandma. He visited them almost daily – helped with money, food, rent, gifts piled up…. took the children to himself – while his wife sat alone and in tears at home. My grandma finally ended it when she was in her late 60s. The man’s whole family knew about the affair, and no one could do anything. Huge age difference, unimaginable religious collision (my grandma is Christian), 4 children and strict Muslim law…. My grandma once showed me a little note from this guy – a declaration of love worthy of Shakespeare’s talent. And the wife of this guy hates my grandma to this day.
Stories full of tears and remorse. Think deeply, think many times before you get involved with someone you don’t love.