I am raised by abusive parents.I was beaten almost every day, but the most damage was their words.
They always told me things like:
“Who do you think you are?” If I would give my opinion or did something out of my own will.I always felt worthless. Nothing I did was ever good, valuable or clever enough.
They looked down at everything I did: according to them I should do better.
They looked down on my natural kindness, on my way of talking, on the things that interested me.
They kept telling me that I was too stupid or too nice and that I would pay the price for it.She mocked my body, my smile, my lips.
My father even told me that I would grow up to be a prostitute because I was too stupid to be able to do something else.
My mother said that I was so stupid that I had to become a social worker.
(I still see no link between those two, but yes, okay.)
I have been trained by them to obey, to forget who I am and to show unconditional respect for them and for all adults.Even if they were wrong.
Needless to say it did not succeed properly.
I had the biggest part of my life struggling to regain some confidence.
Not regarding my intelligence: I know that I’m smarter than they do, and their way of educating me turned into a tough person who can achieve so much, almost effortlessly.
No, they broke the part of my self-confidence that says I am worthy to be loved… and treated with respect, softness and care.
If your own parents do not love you and take care of you, why would a stranger like you?Maybe the reason why I fall in love with people who cannot keep me back.
My self-confidence was hugely damaged when I was still in elementary school.My teachers and teacher told me that I could not do it all, and they sent me from Group 5 to group 3 for extra lessons. After the lesson I also got extra math and language lessons from my read miss.
I remember that I felt really inferior and she suggested my father to send me to special education.My father was very opposed to this. After a long time against stribble I could still stay in school only I had to do group 5 over new.
This had devastated me mentally, without me.I remember nowhere: 芒 鈧?艙yes I can dare to say it, because I had in mind that I could not do anything.I was also increasingly told that I had to have more confidence, but I couldn’t. I also prefer to shut myself off from people.
After years of thought, the button turned around when I was 19.My life is now totally different. I program and I enjoy it tremendously. I have a lot of hobby projects running, I have my own blog where I write about personal development and I study at the Hogeschool van Amsterdam.
I finally discovered myself.Now I’m 22 and I’m almost graduating. The young who couldn’t do it all, is now suddenly the young with huge dreams and he makes them true as well.
What I have learned is that you have to discover yourself.Be your own best friend and your life will change.
My parents have always given me the feeling that they loved me only if I performed well and if I was healthy, slender and cheerful.In other words, if I functioned as they had it in mind. As a result, I grew up with the idea that I should do my best to meet someone else’s requirements, otherwise I can’t hear it. I know my son loves me unconditionally, and others only because I can do something for them. My self-confidence is therefore dependent on the feedback from my environment. My current relationship therefore destroys my self-esteem because my friend almost never responds positively. He continually appoints the negatives, but if he wants to give a compliment, he also says it in a negative way like 芒 鈧?艙not the worst 芒 鈧?or 芒 鈧?艙not lelijk芒 鈧? The glass is always half empty with him and I become more and more sensitive to it.
Naja not per s脙 漏 destroyed but was a nice moment of heart ripped out and kicked on when I was in elementary school and I happened to have a conversation between my at the time only friend in the classroom and my teacher, that it was better if that friend had less or Just not at all with me should go.
That would be 芒 鈧?艙beter芒 鈧?for him.
Couldn’t believe my ears and don’t understand my heart, man, what did that hurt.
To realise that I have been constantly bullied by fellow classmates for quite a few years, to get this battle of mercy.
Did not change the relationship with that friend, luckily.
And my home situation is until I went out of the house terrible, get blows, be remitted, every day ruzie芒 鈧?娄 does not help with your self-image.
End good already good, am well ended up.