No one is happy when criticized, but people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPS) react unusually harshly to criticism.They feel threatened by any kind of negative feedback and are most likely to get angry, even if they are constructive criticism. They tend to pretend that your criticism is an advance to destroy them.
- Narcissists cannot deal with criticism.
Narcissists find it difficult to integrate criticism into their self-image because they lack “complete object relationships”.
(Objectrelationships include the ability to assess oneself and other people realistically and in a balanced way by acknowledging to each person the presence of excellent and detrimental qualities as well as strengths and weaknesses).
- The narcissists’ sense of self is divided.
The narcissists’ self-esteem is divided into two separate and distinct “partial selves”, one that is exclusively good, and one that is exclusively bad.There is no grey area, instead everything is very black or very white. Without intensive psychotherapy, the integration of these two partial selfs is excluded.
The narcissistic exclusively good part self feels special, perfect, flawless, always right and requires special treatment.
The narcissistic exclusively evil part self feels insufficient, damaged, from the ground up worthless and without (existence) justification.
- How does a divided self-system respond to criticism?
Every kind of critique creates an internal conflict in a narcissist.If they accept your criticism as correct, you have proved to them that they are neither perfect nor are they still right. As a result, they switch to the bad part of their self-image and feel deep shame in the opinion that the true criticism confirms that they are nothing more than worthless garbage.
- Do you want to see yourself as a worthless waste?
Nor are narcissists.
In order to maintain their attitude of being exclusively good, they must deny the validity of your criticism.You must be wrong! They also go a step further. You must not continue to criticize them and thus spread false statements.
- Narcissists insist that you take “it” back.
Narcissists are not content to simply say that they do not agree with your criticism.This would mean that two different points of view could exist about them. They are trapped in a black-and-white system of thought. Since they are right, you must admit that you are wrong.
- They will bully you.
If you’re not willing to admit that it was 100 percent wrong to criticize them, they’ll pursue you relentlessly and abusively until you change or go.I am often surprised at how much energy narcissists can muster to keep this bullying going!
- They go to war against you.
If your effort to force you to give up your view and retract your criticism does not work, you will be officially classified as “the enemy.”They will fight you until something else comes into their focus.
Conclusion: When you criticize narcissists, you make yourself their enemy.They can’t include or use your criticism to improve. They see criticism solely as an attack on their self-esteem and will take a counter-attack. There is no point in confronting a narcissist unless you like to fight. End/
Note on its own –
How did the moderation team of a fledgling Quora salon react,
which explicitly devotes itself to the NPS enlightenment, to criticism?
Formerly a short-term contributor in the public German-speaking Quora-Salon Healing as away, which according to the short description “the emergence, development, manifestation and consequences of the narcissistic personality disorder holistically ” I witnessed in mid-May how
My criticism of (guerrilla) moderation on foreign terrain could not be accepted,
the conflict caused by the external moderator was not resolved in plenary (contrary to the willingness to resolve the conflict announced in the House rules), but was cleaned up,
my questions have not been answered,
the house rules written specifically as a result of this incident were not complied with in several respects,
but – a (after the partial deletions largely archived by me) conversation course in the course of a period of at least 1.5 days – was first partially, then without replacement and completely deleted and also the Quora response “forgiveness myths” shared by me on invisible status has been set.
That’s not all, I was downgraded to follower status shortly after setting a copied conversation history with a mod without notice and “locked” a day later.
All 300+ visitors at that time (as well as me, probably the first detainee there) were deprived of the opportunity to comment on this measure.The salon contributions are readable for all interested (also blocked on site) Quoraners and can also be rated positively/negatively.
Since my lockdown in HaW (which is not visible on the outside), no contributor has dared to share any of my Quora responses there.
A month later, there was a re-folding from one of the presenters, who apparently hadn’t heard of my suspension.He asked the HaW moderator to block me, the non-present, and recommended that the then 900 silent observers of the salon follow his example and block my account (aka -> comment function prevented and rare appearance on the home page).
The young Salon HaW, which was overstaffed from the beginning (April 2019) with a total of five “chefs”, now has one less presenter.His resignation took place in July – tacitly – and has not yet been questioned or even discussed by any of the moderators or salon contributors in the public plenary.
What is the New Testament recommends for conflict resolution?
“If your brother has committed an injustice, and this applies accordingly to the sister, then go and speak to him in foureyes.
When he lets him talk to him, you’ve regained him.
But if he does not listen to you, go again, this time with one or two others; for every matter shall be decided on the basis of the testimony of two or three witnesses.
If he still does not want to hear, bring the matter before thecongregation.If he does not even listen to the church, treat him like an unbeliever or a deceiver.”
Matthew 18, 15-17 (NT)