First of all, it has to be said that the narcissist chooses you carefully because of your strengths.You might even think he’s developed a sniffer for what strengths you bring. He almost yearns to be like you (getting to know). Your strength is like a lovely perfume for him. He must own it. The fragrance should also make it smell good. You put it on. Because this scent is so tempting for the narcissist (like a drop of blood for the shark), he will now do his best to avoid losing that scent (for now). For the narcissist, it’s about a lot! While the neurotypical person first only gets to know someone, in a split second in the narcissist an epiphany of the redemption of all his sufferings is formatted. Perhaps it is these short and honest moments that make him realise how much he wants to be neurotypical. He wants to stick to it. Its imaginary claws go out and reach for your scent; through LoveBombing and excessive charm. And now you are reacting to his bait,because it reflects your magical landscape of feelings and emotional connection painted inside you (wound healing potential of your early childhood trauma).
Every person abused by narcissistic abuse must be made clear at this point: it was indeed your strengths that killed the narcissist in the first minute!The narcissist chose you specifically because the good was (and still is!).
In the next phase, it becomes clear to him how much your strengths torment him.He now begins to deprive you of your strengths, because he cannot exist inferior to you. He robs you and cannot do anything with the prey itself, as he is not capable of doing so. So he tries to get rid of you at least of your values. Your strengths have now become a declaration of war; they reverberate like shrill reproaches to his crippled soul. Your once so delicate scent in his nose became sulfur 鈥?the smell from its abysses.
At this stage, you don’t notice the drama inside the narcissist or what exactly drives him.You’re busy defending your values and strengths, justifying yourself, reverting more and more, unking out word salads, running on raw eggs, searching for the causes of the drama, and maybe you’ve already begun to reconsider whether the narcissist is not right about you when he devalued you!Your wound opens and your fear of your own worthlessness, not being fullof blemishes, doing everything wrong, being to blame, is now present. The robbery of your strengths becomes a flesh wound in you.
Case #1 – The co-addict gives in and gives up
The narcissist has won and has been able to position himself superior to your strengths, because you have provided him with proof of your weakness.He has broken you and you are now facing the final disposal. You have fulfilled your function in his drama. You no longer have any value for him, because everything inferiore is worthless. However, the narcissist does not understand that this condition in the co-addict is only temporary and is due to the massive abuse. The co-addict regenerates after a period of processing and self-reflection and emerges even more strongly due to this experience.
Case #2 鈥?The co-addict fights back (he defends himself and his strengths and values)
For the narcissist who has no empathy, your fight is a welcome pastime against his boredom.It can now deliberately emanate intrigue and develop new strategies to convince you that your fragrance is not your fragrance. But you don’t give up. With increasing frustration and anger, he feels his powerlessness towards you. It is not possible to penetrate you, despite various attacks on your self. If he realizes that you are sticking to your fragrance and in the scramble even his mask slipped so much that he revealed his fault, you too will be disposed of. He cannot exist inferior to you.
This also clearly shows why the life of a narcissist must be a lonely one, because he cannot exist at the same height next to you, nor inferior to you and superior is not worthy of him.That makes him so incapable of relationship.
In any case, the co-addict was and is the stronger of both, because he endured massive abuses on his self and soul with all his feelings and feelings, he survives the narcissist, he goes through a consciousness-enhancing personality growth which will always remain closed to the narcissist.
Strength is not the ability to harm another person arbitrarily!
Strength is the ability of another person to be arbitrarily harmed, to endure.