I prefer to answer this question anonymously, as I have not already outed myself in front of each of my fellow human beings.
My experience as a HFA is difficult to summarize in a short text, as there are of course a lot of them, so I will limit myself to a few essential ones:
1.People are weird
Yes, it might sound strange for NTs, but for me you’re weird… mostly still quite okay.In the beginning, I wondered why I was so different and everyone else was so strange. Is there anything wrong with me or about others? In the meantime, I have come to terms with the fact that I am different. I still think I’m great and I think there are some drawbacks but also some advantages to be the way I am. For example, I often don’t understand why other people are thinking about certain things like the weather or why you have to compare yourself to everyone. I think I can live relatively worry-free through my disorder since I stopped worrying about what’s wrong with me. I can’t change it anyway.
A lot of NTs try to make an autistic “normal”.This may well have positive intentions, but it applies to me personally: In the times when I could simply be myself – also socially – I worked much better than in the times when anyone necessarily changed anything about me. Wanted. The latter made me very unhappy and I found that trying to adapt and not to seem autistic has put a lot of strain on me. Luckily I stopped and now I’m uphill again. Changing these things and putting things out of it that overwhelm me has not only been incredibly stressful, but also psychologically very stressful for me. Nevertheless, I learned from it. For example, I can now quite believe myself to be understood in such a way that i am understood, instead of simply mentioning some very special stuff from my special interests that no one can follow. Most people I know don’t notice that I’m an autistic person. A lot of people just think of me as shy (although I definitely’re not) or if they notice something a bit weird but never autistic.
An example of what everyone knows: love.But this also applies to many other areas. I’ll give just this example to make it more visual. Sometimes I think (like everyone else) But the man x is really sweet and sweet and what you don’t think so much. But these men don’t even notice that I might be interested because I don’t send out the typical signals. I also have a big problem in love: I am very vulnerable to narcissists. why? Because the men who see me at first sight because of my (missing/restricted) facial expressions/gestures I think i have no self-confidence or be shy – a fallacy, which these men usually notice “too late”, namely when something seriously me but they are already firmly convinced that I am as they imagine it in their thoughts. I always say it directly, but most people don’t want to believe it. On the other hand, I notice it late when someone manipulates or lies to me. Whether this is a bigger problem for the narcissist or for me is not clear to me. The first time it hurt me a lot, when I could find out at some point what he was playing, that hit me a lot. On the other hand, I have made it very clear that I do not allow such a thing and he is now afraid of me.
4.Feelings and values
Yes, even autistic people have something like this 🙂
NTs often find us autistic people hurtbecause because we are so honest and blunt or maybe do something wrong that other people wouldn’t do wrong, but you know what?I find many NTs hurtful because they seem to place little value on honesty, sincerity or distance. This is very important for me and if I want to be alone, then I would like to be able to be a bit alone without feeling that I am doing something mean to someone now.
Personally, I find many NTs far too superficial, they don’t deal very intensively with things, at least most and not as intensely as autistic people.Perhaps you could get something out of it if autistic people sometimes see things a little looser, but NTs think about it a little more. On the other hand, I think it’s more casual to see it as dangerous. I’ve tried it and it’s extremely difficult for autistic people (at least for me) to see what a healthy middle ground is if I don’t set my personal (possibly extreme) limits. For example: When is it okay for someone to touch you like? To what extent is it socially okay and at what point would this touch be more annoying from a social point of view? No, that’s not for me. I have decided to accept some very obvious things like hugs from friends, but otherwise I draw clear boundaries within which I feel comfortable myself.
This is very different.I’ve said a few people what I am, some people couldn’t accept it at all, some have said “yes ok”, but basically still want me to be “normal” and some accept me just as I am or even find that good about me.
Here it is problematic because you are quickly disadvantaged, whether by bullying or simply because you don’t get over it as easily as many other people during the job interview.You just seem “funny”, although you definitely don’t bite 😉 On the other hand, one does not want to keep his diagnosis everywhere, because this too could deter (albeit by pretext) and disadvantage one in turn. It’s hard to find a balance there.
That’s just a lot of what Comes to mind.Maybe that helps you a little bit with your question 🙂