I will try to formulate an answer to what you are doing.I find it very difficult to put a huge and abstract understanding as a trauma bonding So concretely that you also have an image there as an outsider.
Traumatic bonding – I prefer to use trauma bonding because that’s 1. is shorter and 2. I am accustomed to using that term.-the name says it all, is a commitment that arises without trauma. To fully understand that, we will have to understand what a trauma is. In this case, a psycho-trauma: is the psychological injury that is sustained after a horrible event.
Now, in the case of a trauma band with a narcissistic personality, there is sometimes no one occurrence that is so horrible that it leaves psychological injuries.But in some cases it is a lot of ‘ little thingies ‘ that cumulatively can have enough influence on one’s mental health to cause trauma. In such a case, such a person may suffer from what is called C-ptss: Complex post Traumatic stress disorder. Complex refers in this regard to the fact that the disorder is not caused by one major event, such as staying in a concentration camp, or serving in the armed forces in a war zone, or seeing burning of, for example, a parent after a Accident, but by all sorts of small, in itself, ‘ plagerijtjes ‘ that are all together to eat your mental health. That make you “slowly fool”.
These are things that manipulative personalities-which also belong to narcissistic personalities-consciously or deliberately, let go of people.
But only that negative input does not create a tyre yet.This bond, arises precisely because the opposite happens. The above is considered as ‘ punishments ‘, but compare it very brutally with dog training. But dogs are not only punished, rewarding often works much better. So if the partner of a manipulative personality is not rewarded, so positive attention is given, no bond will arise. With only fear and terror you bind no one to you. The manipulator will therefore also-preferably with irregular intervals-the manipulated ‘ reward ‘. Comforting, hugging, giving, performing, having sex (unpretentious), et cetera.
Thus, in the brain of the manipulated, a situation will eventually emerge in which there is a fear of being punished, and a desire exists to be rewarded, by the same person.
In The case of a love affair with a manipulative personality, this means that these kinds of personalities often try to separate (isolate) their partner from the outside world.This creates the situation that they often feel they are alone. Out of shame for what has happened they often don’t dare to go outside. You then have some sort of kid-napping situation. The manipulator has the manipulated almost completely under control.
In Such a case, there may be another occurrence of ‘ Stockholm syndrome ‘.That means the manipulated the manipulator to the outside world even defended.
On the one hand this is of course also because of the fear of being punished again, but in the case of the emergence of the Stockholm syndrome there is still something to look at.
When 4 conditions are fulfilled, namely:
- Developing or having positive feelings of the ‘ hostage ‘ towards his or her ‘ hostages ‘;
- The non-existence of a previous relationship between the two parties
- A refusal of the ‘ hostage ‘ to cooperate with police or authorities
- The belief of the ‘ hostage ‘ in the humanity of the ‘ hostages ‘, the sharing of common goals, leads to the fact that the ‘ hostage ‘ is no longer seen as a threat.
In The case of a love affair, these conditions are, of course, quickly fulfilled:
- The partner will have absolutely positive feelings towards the other, after all, they have started a relationship with each other and you do not as a rule with people you hate.
- They will not have had a relationship before, because then it did not come
- The manipulated party will not go to the police or municipal social service O.I.D. steps, because this is often too scared.
- Both ultimately have the same purpose, namely the success of their relationship.
This does not always lead to the development of the Stockholm syndrome.For real hostage-taking, the percentage is approximately 8% when these conditions are met. The relationship between two people, as far as I know, has never been investigated. But it is striking how many people who have been in a manipulative relationship exhibit the same symptoms as people with Stockholm syndrome from ‘ real ‘ hostage taking.
If you count these things together, you should have a reasonable picture of how trauma bonding is about in his work.
To add something new to previous answers:
Sometimes you see the effect of a traumatic adhesion to humans.
For example, a fat man and a very thin woman who follows him.
Without it, the victim is sucked out and you see it as an outstand.
The victim goes in a marriage also more frequently as first death.
But beware. Sometimes, what appears to be victim to outside the worse narcivest that excites the other express in public.
For me it was: always believing that my mother would change.The helper want to be… Always in your mind that she has experienced the “worse” and that in her time it was certainly not just to seek help.
Always think of excuses for her behavior and the inner need for recognition, that you can be there yourself.So you are going to go back again and again. But after 4x more than a year of silence, she looks at it.
I have not written a Dutch super long so forgive my mas of spelling and grammar.
The narcissist has made you so mad that you believe in his or her nonsense.Usually you possessed something the narcissist himself did not have: self-confidence, beauty, intelligence, money, I know a lot what that mafklapper should have of you because he has a wounded ego.
Narcisten are unevenly weak, pathetic creatures who have not solved their own traumules because they cannot resist the shame.They feel hurt and harmed in their being. They are stuck in their development. Where a normal person is going to look: ‘ Okay, this was unevenly sucks what happened to me. How do I get my own on the ride? ‘, narcissists will all continue to play their games in order to not have to sit with their own mess.
They are terrified for things like shame and traumas.Father of my ex was just a mature guy of 60 when I met him was abused as a child. He never got over there. Ex in the beginning crying: ‘ Don’t Let me fool you alone. ‘
Because he never came across that trauma, all that weird happened when she grew up.He projected his own failure and shame on his children. He always pretended to be the royal family. Nothing was good enough, other people were but stupiors. Rules were golden for the kids and his wife but not for him. Counterclockwise or clockwise, it didn’t all.
The man drank unevenly a lot of alcohol.Perhaps if he did something about that shame he would not completely drink the damnation. The Buuwoman occasionally jacking while his wife was waiting for him at home. Tsja, what do you want? Narcissist needs his diet: negative attention.
Because that father made that girl mad in her childhood by asking weird far too high demands, showed inappropriate sexual behavior that you are not waiting for as adolescent girl and the rest of all his nonsense, that girl was quite confused at the end of the ride.Afterwards I joked ‘ daddy issues ‘ against a friend of me. Best fake and short by the bend but that was it.
She disliked that man but still lived under his roof because he made her so insane with his unprocessed junk projections of his unprocessed mess on his daughter in her childhood.She also had all the vague techniques to evade all those traumas.
After a while I was sitting and she started playing against her dad.Eventually I disappeared there.