Trauma Bonding (Trauma binding) is a term developed by Dr. Patrick J. Carnes.
What exactly is Trauma Bonding?
A trauma bond is initiated with Love Bombing (excessive charm, appreciation, idealization, sex, intimacy, compliments, mirrors) at the target person.
At this stage, the deceived person feels a strong bond with the perpetrator, as if he had finally found his soulmate. The aim is to build the trust of the deceived and to bind him to himself.
In the devaluation phase, abuse and gaslighting are now constantly alternating with love intake. It takes place on/off, hot/cold, love intake/love deprivation cycles.This ups and downs trigger a peptide dependence (chemical reaction) in the victim’s brain. The victim is made highly emotionally and physically dependent in order to strive for the now pending love supply (the restoration of soul kinship) after an initiated relationship break/dispute/love deprivation/silent treatment .The victim, in order to end his emergency situation and to restore harmony, takes responsibility for the relationship problems due to the gaslighting and the gradual disassembly of his self. For the perpetrator, this is a high-quality form of supply 鈥?every time. If the perpetrator now assigns his guiltto the victim, he receives the next supply in the form of a love supply from the victim.Thus, the narcissist finds himself in a continuous chain of supply via love and despair of the victim. It is difficult for the victim to break out of this pattern, as his perception within this dynamic is now significantly disturbed. He is devalued, confused, praised, offended, abandoned, re-bound, disregarded, his perception distorted, he justifies himself against projecting the perpetrator, receives short love crumbs, is re-evaluated in the form of misunderstandings that need to be clarified and will be solely responsible for the toxic course of the relationship 鈥?the victim is gradually reprogrammed by the perpetrator on the living body.
The narcissist has now almost created a clone of himself 鈥?a victim, with no access to his self.
The victim now perceives the perpetrator as the only source who can free him from his suffering and his inferior abyss as a human being, since his self-worth is now considerably, if not completely, erased.Thus, the victim seeks protection from the perpetrator 鈥?with the person who delivered him without protection. He suffers from Stockholm syndrome.The victim protects his perpetrator and minimizes his own abuse.
The trauma Bond persists even after separation from the narcissist.Instead of abuse and gaslighting, however, C-PTSD now occurs.
Symptoms of Trauma Bond
-if you are obsessed with people who have hurt you but with whom you are no longer in any relationship
-if you continue to suffer
-if you go beyond measure to help people who have been/are destructive to you
-if you continue to see yourself as a “team member” even though the conditions are obviously destructive
-if you continue to try to get people to like you who clearly exploit and exploit you
-if you trust people who have already proven to be unreliable
-if you can’t break free from unhealthy relationships
-if you want to be understood by those who obviously don’t care
-if you choose to stay in conflict with others, although you could leave at any time
-if you insist on convincing the other that there is indeed a problem, but he does not want to hear it
-if you are loyal to the people who have cheated on you
-if you are attracted to untrustworthy people / find them attractive
-if you keep the exploitation or abuse secret from others or lie to hide it (perpetrator protection)
-if you continue to contact or allow contact with the perpetrator, even though he does not take responsibility and the contact damages you
Strategies to Solve a Trauma Bond
- NO CONTACT / GREY ROCK
- medical/psychological care: treatment of C-PTBS, dissolution of toxic relationship patterns, co-dependencies, early childhood trauma, grief processing
- Join self-help groups