What did you see ten years ago that you don’t have anymore?

Youth

My dog

My own Burlesque Cabaret

My shop

A relationship with the future father of my children

A house in the south of France

My family

60 kilos extra

Little self-confidence

Blond Hair

The illusion that on my 25th but little House, tree, Beast would apply to me.That I walked a successful career, would own or rent a house (!), had at least one child and a WO Diploma in Pocket. Boy was I wrong.

I was in any case optimistic on my 15th.Then I did not know that finding a property (social rent) actually took so long and that a training is also not 1, 2, 3 cleared. Or that getting kids is something you do after you’ve got everything right. So I think at least now. I would be delighted to give birth to a child. But now I still follow my master’s degree programme.

Also, I didn’t know that applying as a ‘ starter ‘ is so tricky. Because they say ‘ we have chosen someone with more experience ‘.Great, where do I ever get that experience when I’m not getting a chance? I used to think, if I have the right papers, I’ll be there.

Furthermore, I used to have a weight of 60 + pounds, and I was dead unhappy with my body.I had so little respect and self-esteem for myself. Luckily I don’t possess that sad thought anymore about myself and I feel good in my skin.

I used to suffer from migraines.

Every two to three days again a migraine attack.I eventually went to the GP, who then referred me to the hospital. Tried everything from medications to adapting my lifestyle. Nothing worked. Every week again I could count on at least two days of wasting by migraines.

Until a number of years ago.Those two migraine attacks per week were only one. And then not per week, but per month. And now I hardly suffer from it. Headache? Sure, but no migraines. I even dare to say that I never bother.

How this I can not know.I had long stopped the hospital visits and took no more medication when the migraines suddenly disappeared around my 17th.

Yet I am very thankful for it.And secretly also a little worried that it will come back again.

-Panic Attacks
-Stress
-Migraine
-A lot of darkness
-Financial problems
-Low self-image
-Work on a temporary basis
-A game where I could lose all my time (you need some)
-Lack of love for myself

So what used to be better?:)

10 years ago it was black for me.
Pure Darkness.Until I realized that everyone has a light in themselves.
This can only be found when it is dark enough. When I saw my own light, I realised that it was not a small light, but a sun that was blocked by all sorts of negative things.Crazy enough you can see those from the source very well.
From there I started clearing everything and since then the sun shines every day:)

A bike.

Nowadays I prefer to walk.And if it is no longer at walking distance (say, a kilometer or 10 or further), I pick up the moped.

And if the moped is no longer enough (because the weather is not there, or I have to take something big with it, or drive further than 150km), I pick up the car.With some reluctance, though.

Green/blue/black/blond or was it red anyway?In that period my hair has known many colors.

The arrogance of a 16-year-old who thinks it is better to know, but was secretly quite naive.

Finally a bedroom with door, which could also be close.

A relationship (in the hands category)

Complete family

A busy social life

A job for 16h in the week next to school

A flawless memory

Hepatitis C.

There is a miracle cure that will make you feel like this serious virus infection.Really unbelievable.

Too good a character and too much confidence in man.

Her, I used to have a thick DOS hair, now a thin layer