I am basically a sober, scientific and analytical-thinking person.The following experiences burned down with me and it is as if it happened yesterday. I will write them down in short form.
My grandfather was a strict man of the “old school” and I loved him very much.On one evening in the spring of 1984, as so often as a driving teenager, I said goodbye to the room with a quick “shot” without taking time to look at him and say goodbye to him. The next morning he had a heart attack and died in the bedroom. I couldn’t say goodbye. That same morning, around 1100 o’clock, we as a family sat in the kitchen and mourned when suddenly the glass screen of the kitchen lamp, which had been hanging for years, detached without any action and broke into a thousand pieces on the floor. We were all very frightened!
On August 1, 1995, my grandmother was very bad.She couldn’t eat or drink anything and was dehydrated. In the hospital, she said to me, “My child, you know, there are underground and upper earths – and I will soon be one of the upper earths…” I shuddered… She has never spoke like that. She was eventually diagnosed with stomach cancer, and neither fluid nor food could pass through the doorman, so surgery was necessary. This was done and it was determined that the cancer had affected the doorman’s environment including liver, bile, pancreas and others. The doctor told me she probably won’t experience Christmas again. A world collapsed in me. Death was not an issue for me at that time, at least in our family, and virtually non-existent, the death of my grandfather was successfully suppressed. My grandmother was released home to die. I took turns with my mother to look after her and we moved the living room to the nursing room, where she lay in the nursing bed day and night. She spoke very rarely and if, then briefly and succinctly, as if it were exhausting to talk. Today I think she probably had one or more strokes. One evening I was alone with her. It was the first time my grandmother sighed very long with a very deep voice. It was scary, I didn’t know it until then. Today I know that these deep sighs arise with a deep voice just before death. Our dog got up and barked towards the bedroom. However, he stopped in the living room door. My grandmother recovered, she even had a “bright moment” a few days later after she received a cortisone injection with a higher dosage than usual from the Doc. She could talk and was as usual. However, it lasted only one day. From then on, it fell into its previous state. On 07.10.1995 she again made such sighs with a deep voice. but this time it was a little different, so we called the emergency doctor. The emergency doctor told us that my grandmother was about to die. It was so surreal. so incredible.. we refused to comprehend this beginning process of death. But about 20 hours later, her heart stopped beating what I was watching as I held her hand. I will never forget this time, especially these last moments. They kind of traumatized me. Our dog struck again the same day, again he stood in the living room door and barked towards the bedroom, but did not go. I knew this time… now the two are back together.
My mom was looking for answers like crazy. and each of their unanswered questions was met with new questions… She wanted to know if her parents were doing well and if there was a life after death.She read a lot… Near-death experiences.. Angel… Tape voices… all sorts of things. She told me that she had a very real dream where her dad (so my grandpa mentioned above) showed her and told her he was fine. She was happy to see him, they had spoken and she was aware in the dream that he had died and that she was now talking to him. She asked him where he was. Then he replied, “That, my child, I can’t tell you.” Then the dream ended.
At the end of her search, she came to the conclusion… that there may be nothing… I tried to comfort her and said that she should believe that there is a reunion, a world “after that”, in which all good is and there is no suffering… so she has her peace here and now.If there is nothing after death, the light goes out and it doesn’t matter anyway. But at least now she lived in peace. But I couldn’t comfort my mother so easily! She said that if there was “something after that,” she would come back and “prove it to me.” I agreed, if she could then ‘allow’. It was like a pact…
My mum, who I was used to being strong, combative and confident, became sicker and weaker over the years.She was in unspeakable pain and was “out of therapy,” according to doctors. I suspect she had cancer. Ninety days before her death, I invited her, I was eating with her and my brother, even though she almost never ate anything. But she liked to go chinese food and I wanted to make her (on my birthday) a friend. When we drove home, she wanted to show me something in the passenger seat and pointed her hand outside, knocking her finger twice on the window pane. Her fingers wore rings so it cracked very loudly and I almost feared the disc would break. She saw my fear and we had to laugh.
In the last weeks of her life she was barely responsive, sleeping irregularly.At Christmas 2009 I had to work a lot of shifts, was hardly at home, hardly visited my 58-year-old mum. So I didn’t get much with me. My brother was with her, I asked him to call one of my 3 (!) number numbers in case of emergency, because I saw that she was doing unusually badly. On New Year’s Eve 2009 I was doing errands in the city and wanted to visit my mom after that when I got a call about 11:45 a.m. It was a woman’s voice of the ambulance service who told me that my mum had just passed away. Regardless of not sending a death message in this way, I was shocked and drove straight to her, was there 10 minutes later. I will never forget how she lay there. Such a poor man, tormented by life, of whom only one shell lay on the bed, who became stranger from hour to hour… a surreal situation… a nightmare that didn’t want to end. No last words, no farewell possible. only tears.. and the plea for forgiveness to be so blind to grasp the true extent of the catastrophe, to have set other priorities such as the damn work, and not to have stood by the last of its moments. as was possible with my grandma… I knew these were the last moments I saw them… my mum, who I knew from childhood to the present day… we didn’t let her pick her up until the evening, after we had spoken to her a lot in thought, sitting in front of her. Since then, New Year’s Eve has been a special day for me… I certainly don’t forget.
A day later I parked my car.It snowed heavily. Suddenly it made a very loud, two-time popping noise. It sounded like someone had thrown two snowballs at my car. I got out, but I didn’t see any tracks in the snow or anyone else. This happened several times in the weeks that followed. When Me and my brother stopped at a – covered – gas station afterwards, we both heard a loud knock, coming from the roof. I asked him if he had heard this to make sure I wasn’t going crazy. He answered in the affirmative and suspected that something had fallen on the roof. However, as the gas station was covered, this was not possible. That was the last time this noise occurred. I still dreamed from time to time about my mum… my grandma… but they hardly talked to me. it was still a nice feeling… so that I would have liked to have captured the dream… but never was possible.
Those were the things… who told me dying (deceased) in words as well as signs… for me as a sober, science-oriented person incomprehensible….