What controversial parenting tactics work?

The Schwarzenegger method.You’ve never heard of it because I invented it.

The Schwarzenegger parenting method is a way to get young children to hurry up without anyone being stressed.Here’s how to do it:

  • Whenever you want to leave the house while your kids put on their jackets and shoes, say the following with a strong Arnie accent: “You need your clothes, your shoes (or boots) and your motorcycle.” If you do this often enough, your children will get used to it.

(Ref: The Terminator)

  • Now you’ve conditioned them on Arnie’s voice.
  • If you want them to get faster, say, “Come on! On to the helicopter!”. You can say that quite forcefully, the kids will think it’s a joke and hurry up. (Ref: Predator)

  • If they really have to hurry up, they say in Arnie-style: “Do it!
  • Do it now!” Alternatively: “Come on! I am here! What are you waiting for?” (Ref: Predator)

    Now your children think it’s a game to hurry up, played by Dad with a strong Austrian accent.When they’re older and have already been spoiled a little by other kids, you can use phrases like, “Get your butt on Mars!” (Ref: Recall).

    Note: There are certain side effects when using this method.Your partner will probably turn a blind eye when you do it, slightly embarrassed by your silly upbringing. Your 4-year-old children might also randomly shout “Get to the helicopter!” in public, which can be a little hard to explain. If they’re older and actually see these old Arnie FIlme, they might hate you for it. But I don’t know for sure, because we’re not there yet.


    Bonus

    On request, Schwarzenegger can form the basis for an entire educational philosophy.Here are some child-friendly examples:

    • Discipline your child in a friendlyway: “Hello, sweeter.

    One of us is in trouble.” (Ref: The Running Man)

  • Controversial siblingsreassure: “Let off some steam, Bennett.” It works best when you actually have a child named Bennett.
  • (Ref: Commando)

  • Let your child wait foryou: “Stay close.” (Ref: Predator), or the classic “I’ll be back.” (Ref: The Terminator)
  • Justify that you have to break apromise: “I lied.” (Ref: Commando)
  • Support for overzealous sportsteams: “Squeeze your enemies.
  • See how they are driven before you. Listen to their wives’ complaints.” Conan the Barbarian


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