* I say this from personal experience.I am not a psychologist.
Okay, Hello!I’m MelinaJulia.
I had anger attacks from my 5th to 10th?Kind of.
The cause was that my depression ‘ came up ‘ but especially that I was never understood, my emotions could never show and I actually felt very much alone.But, the emotion had to look like. So.. Anger attacks. Not the cutest, mirror broken, parents scratching. Very cozy all. (Sarcasm.)
What helped me, then, is that if my parents and I had the hassle of sticking with me and stamping their opinion in my head (which made me more active.More aggressive too.) They simply left me alone. They told me first, and if it went wrong (also on their side anyway.) I had peace to express all my emotions.
The thing is, with me my parents entered MY room.The only safe place I had. Thus, I often inrushed the bathroom and locked it. Even fallen asleep.
It all didn’t help at that time.No one asked me ‘ How is it? ‘ “How do you feel?” I was only hurled back and forth. (Literally and figuratively; 5 to 7th I still lived in Greece, then the Netherlands. Was very confusing. )
The point I want to make is that because nobody asked how it went, no one for my feeling was there, I got aggressive.I had no one. I only had my room, computer and games. For the rest I was alone and I was also kept so by school/home sitting situations around my 10th.
Now, I haven’t had any real anger attacks for 5 years.Have also had some guidance (e.g. autism.) and I care for myself. Also have some cool friends incl. Introvert really showing their appreciation (long story)
Which I am super happy with.鉂?p>
It goes well, lasted long, but it goes well.The only thing I still have is that if I am in a stressful period; I then go extreme over-stimulation. and panic. Luckily I have a dwarf dachshund who then comes running (you hear them tripping) and tears me away.
Hopefully this helped!
I have suffered from anger in my childhood and it has become less gradual.It is always a question of frustration:
- Something does not work (eg.
Oh, what would it be safe, which pin code. And so simple. And then it takes years before they admit that the system is not as watertight as they were giving. And meanwhile, hundreds of people have been deprived of their centres by that banking cartel;
And such a girl on the phone then says: No, the train is already inside though and there are no details reported;
And that’s the same bank that throws you out with unsolicited and junk mail to sell their products. But an email with a warning, that can not be.
Even when I write this way, the feeling of impotence, caused by the arrogant abuse of power by those banks, comes up again.Nesting site for anger attacks…
What helps: only the realization that you yourself are more affected by the consequences of your anger than such a bank.And think about people who are much worse by systems are deprived of their freedom, their youth and their time. The best example for me is Nelson Mandela.And it remained quiet. Where I would have been brought to despair and abandon by frustration, hatred and frenzy, he managed to keep his power alive, and patience and hope and conviction, and to save his own life and that of his country and people.
Then all my worse nibs will be in a completely different light.No reason to resign myself to the arrogance and the abuse of power of those banks, but to look for effective ways to combat their stranglehold on our lives. Not the necessary function that banks have in facilitating our money traffic, but to the way they use it to transfer 1000 euros a year from you and me to shareholders and money-hungry bank directors. Not all people who work at a bank are crooks. But just like there are people who abuse the animals under slaughterhouse staff, there are people who actively seek opportunities to squeeze their customers even further. It is an environment that evokes and facilitates evil in man.
After several decades of deep introspection, I can tell quite a bit about anger.
The big problem with this feeling is that it is directly linked to our thoughts, the feeling arises not from the vacuum.
I know that I once coached someone and asked her what was bothering her: what exactly does he do?As she described the behavior, she became more Emotioner and Bozer.
This is very important to realise: our brains cannot distinguish so well between something that has happened now, something that has happened, and something that is going to happen.It can assign to all three the same emotional charge while one event is in the past and the other in the uncertain future.
In My coaching conversation was the next step: But what do you actually think he is doing?
We moved away from the actual behaviour towards the interpretation of the intent.She described what she thought he was doing, and I could only answer: if he indeed has that intent I understand that you are angry. She was completely relieved: someone understands me. Then of course came the mirror: But I don’t think he has this intent…
She stared at me… Why do you think that?And I told her what I saw from her first story, the actual behavior. She saw it as an attack, my idea was that the person had a podium to express his ideas.
So I asked her: if you take the person ten minutes earlier, and already talk about things, then you are on one line, right?
Somewhere we interpret the world and depend on value judgments.
It is these value judgements that often cause the problems.
Yet that is not the solution to stop anger or rage.
Stopping these feelings will not happen if they stand up to them.You can better walk a block.
You will have to grasp much sooner, figuring out where the problem actually sits.And for that you should not question the world, but your own thoughts and look at things. A constant challenge: is that the same?
This is not easy, because our thoughts are the most certain we have.We can question the whole world, but not our own experiences and thoughts. Yet these are very often colored and deformed without we having it.
To get through here you will first have to recognise that there is an actual trigger for the emotion.This does not just occur. There is something inside of yourself which causes the anger. See it as a wound or bruise, as someone who touches it hurts. It doesn’t matter if a friend, foe or the doctor touches the place, the pain is the same. But our experience is different, because a doctor wants to help, a friend too (but is less useful) and an enemy wants to hurt us more (right?).
You have to identify with yourself what that pain point is.
If you have found the pain point, the next challenge is to check whether there are still pain stimuli.Right away. Or that the pain stimuli are in the past, or in the future. It is very likely that the pain lies in the past, with a chance of repetition in the future. There is probably no one who is trying to hurt you now, at this moment. Does anyone else hurt you, or are you busy hurting yourself with thoughts?
This way you can peel the experience into parts without emotional charge.And with that, the recovery can begin.
However, to get rid of anger/rage is a much bigger step.Probably there are multiple pain points, and potentially much more.
To get the most out of it, or to greatly reduce the number, you have to pass the process.You can only do this by continually monitoring your thoughts, something that is not easy at all. If you learn to do this, you will find that there are very subtle thoughts, often not even verbally made, that initiate this kind of feeling. When the anger comes up you are often minutes later, which in relation to thoughts is an eternity.
If you can observe the subtle thought you already know where it is going.And if you know this you have the choice to bend the thought (because it is a direction you do not want) or to activate correctly (because it is a direction you do want). And throughout the whole process you are able to do this, you can suddenly become very functionally angry, by holding the subtle thought, but not accepting the drama around it.
People will then find that you become very serious and powerful, without an emotional eruption.
Is this easy?
Certainly not.But it is the only way to get away from it.
How do I cope with anger attacks?I am still called a drift frog. Can be very angry at one time. As a child, it usually came to an eruption, also because I had no words to react to the disturbed situation at home. ‘ The potatoes have been burnt. ‘ ‘ No the potatoes are not burnt. ‘ So what do you have to say?
Self-control is not a solution, because then anger only accumulates, until it comes to an even bigger eruption.Like a volcano that suddenly flips apart. I have also experienced it.
If someone makes me angry, the best solution is to run away.The anger you feel is often a funest. So just run away and try again later. (For example you bring something back to a store and they react very deviating.)
If suddenly something is lost, I often think ‘ oh, he or she has swiped ‘ and I want to recover immediately.Better of not and first but about the anger of the loss. I often find it still.
A very low limit lies with Scheld mails.Just don’t send it is the solution. Also do not put an address in the mail so you can not send it accidentally.
For a long time I have done a heart meditation.Then I was going to feel very loving, and imagined that love flowed through my whole body. The result was that conflicts were much more common because I became very angry. It is better to keep a hate meditation. Then I can curse and swearing on people who are in the way of me. Conversations I’m talking about.
The conversations usually run very smoothly, because the anger I have already lost.Because of the experiences I make I feel less uncertain, so that it is increasingly easier to make difficult conversations.
In conflict, I can quickly become very enthusiastic.I would like to force other people to do so if I want to.
Nor can I say anything, and let all blame go over me.(Many people find me very quiet) It is then the art to say what, but you have to do that very rationally. So from your mind keep talking instead of your feelings.
But if the conversation, no matter how important, fails and you only get bad, it’s best to leave.(I still remember an incident where someone was chasing me when I walked evil away. I say very quietly: “Leave me Alone”. “Why, what do you weird man.” Three, four times I say then “Leave me Alone”, and he damn it. I was in a room where I couldn’t just get away. Then but really left, but on the cooperation of others you do not have to count.
The big advantage of the self having tantrums is that you are not so impressed by the anger of others.Although you can often get better.
If you say to a passionate person, “Now you shouldn’t be angry”, then you trigger the evil yourself.Better you say “quiet but, there is nothing going on”.
Assuming submissive posture can help.You’re going to get the fight out of the way.
Giving the other alike can help.The anger has a cause and therefore the other is right. The anger is caused because the other does not feel taken seriously. Proposing a provisional solution is also a good method.
The weird thing about my anger is that I am often quite quiet at the same time.I can be very angry and quite a conversation. That anger can be seen as well.
The other side of anger is that you can use it.You have a lot of experience with your own drift, but others make it afraid. Then you can also threaten without being really angry. I can also get a tantrum acting in my sentence. Actually, you should never admit to the anger of another. Everything should eventually be discussed in a quiet conversation. Even then, all emotions can come up, but it really pronouncing, in a rational way is really the best. Really a topic apart which also hear all sorts of skills. But all these skills to conduct a rational conversation also help you cope with your anger.
Not accusing the other and self-acceptance may be the most important.
I really have no idea how to counter that if it has already been put into effect.I implode and that is so painful (both mentally and physically) that I have just devised a whole protocol around it to prevent that.
I do not wait until the bucket is full. In fact, I discarded that whole bucket and made a shot-glass of it. If it is overrunning, that is only 5% in relation to the bucket, and I can deal with it well.
I just need a lot of charging time, if I’m going to take things with an empty battery, then my fuse is a lot shorter and the chances of success are smaller and the chances of frustration are huge. So why should I do that at all. So I don’t do that anymore. I really have made some sort of my personal primary need of it.
Sometimes I already know that I walk on the path where a rage attack can come. I’ll give this and withdraw. As soon as I come to rest, it comes out, but that lasts a lot less long and is much less fierce. I have lost myself much less as it were, because the feeling in me that I have been understanding for my situation calms me in one way or another.
I used to have a lot of toxic people around me. From my parents to the friends I chose. All have my energy and I have less of it or now-because of the incentives I touch quickly. Now I really only have people around me who are also very stimulus sensitive like my husband and my son. So we know exactly what we need. In addition, I actually admit few others. Right now, coupled with fulltime work, I just don’t need it.
In the end, I think that everyone is deeply aware of what he or she really needs.If you listen to that, you will care a lot of anger attacks. You see it or arrive sooner so you can prevent it or you can adjust it in time and limit the damage.