I started using Tinder 2 years ago, after breaking a 16 year old relationship.
I was completely inexperienced with dating, an expat only in the Netherlands.No friends, no acquaintances circles to go out and I had no idea how I could meet new people.
I went out on my own, but how does it look like a woman of my age and on his own go out?In the eye of society it looks like I’m a cougar, and like I’m on the hunt.
So I have Tinder installed and I started swiping.I liked the game, and I wanted to play with Tinder to find out how the algorithms worked:
How could I get more displays for free?How come I see the same profile all the time?
What picture of me got the most likes?What text in my description has prompted people to write to me?
It’s very easy for Tinder to gather people you like: Many people use Tinder as an ego boost.
Maybe 10% starts talking to you.Of these 10% of the regular contacts you meet half. That’s my experience, and of course it’s just my own experience.
Pretty soon I discovered behavioural patterns and I experienced weird things: after 16 years with only one man, and almost no experience in dating, I was extremely naive and vulnerable.In conjunction with my very open mind, some things were happening very “WTF” material.
So I started writing it all up and I decided to write a book about it.I have created an Excel file with all the people I have met/dated.
A few stories are quite remarkable.Here are two examples:
I found a best friend on Tinder.
He’s a great man, and we’ve had the best day of our life together, after a few dates and a few kisses, we decided to become friends. And finally he spent 24 hours together where he slept with me, I made him a breakfast on a warm, beautiful, sunny spring day.
He read a book for me, a Cuban record from the years 50 played in the background, the porch was open, overlooking the lush green foliage for my balcony, and the sunlight that punctured there.
We improvised a picnic in a park in Utrecht, and we drank wine, ate good food, and we read each other all day before, under a giant tree.We even made a nap together.
After that he went back to his life as a world traveler, and we are still in contact, we met a few months ago even again.
I grew up in the mountains, and I’m definitely not one of the “Sea people”.
I had never been on a boat or sailed, so when the sailor invited me for a first date on his boat, I said: OK, I’ll do it.
It was definitely outside my comfort zone, but….. I wanted to try it anyway.
We agreed: It was not a sexdate, we would cook and talk together, and if I didn’t like it, I would leave.If I wanted to, I could stay overnight.
So…. I’ve baked a focaccia, two bottles of good red wine, my swimsuit and a dress wrapped up, and I went.
I was lucky enough to arrive just before sunset, and it was beautiful on the water.Of course I was excited because it was my first time on a boat.
We drank, we talked, we ate the focaccia with an aioli that I learned to make him.
Long story short, I found myself tipsy swim at 4.30 am only with him, his sailboat, the Moon and the stars.It could have been a very romantic weekend. Except he said he had to bless me, to rinse the blue algae. And I was tipsy, naked and full of soap… And I fell off the boat. Amazed I opened my mouth…. And swallowed a huge sip of blue algae water.
Hahahaha…… Some of you may know what it does.
The day after, I left, sick as hell, and with a very funny story for my book.
Not all my dating stories were so, some were worthless, some were very coarse, some were very very bad, one of them was unexpectedly very dangerous and came to the police station.
My experience with Tinder is now finished, I found a man there last summer, and after a few months of silence, and long after I decided to remove Tinder and get ready, he sent me a message on WhatsApp.He is now the only man in my life. I don’t know where this is going, but I think it’s a nice guy, and I don’t want to see anyone else…. And I’m done with the superficial zoo that is Tinder.
Do you remember the statistics I wrote at the beginning of this reply?Well, imagine how much swiping/chatting/Unmatch/dating was needed to meet enough people to write a book. It is exhausting.
Once I took the subscription, to see who liked me.And I went on a weekend in Brussels. In 24h I had 1700 men who liked me: there you can get some perspective of it when I say it is exhausting. Tinder is a lot of work, lots of fake people and also a lot of bad selfish sex. But there are a few people who stand out. And like me then there are a lot of people who feel lonely.
Apparently I am one of the socially less skilled people and sexually adventurous types, as Peter Hendriks says it.I really wouldn’t know where I would meet a potential date outside a dating app.
Tinder is now a virtual extension of real life.You don’t see people there that you don’t see IRL otherwise. The only difference is that you KNOW they are open to a date (otherwise they wouldn’t be there) and IRL never knows.
A marketplace for love always existed, but it has now become digital.
I never thought of creating a Tinder profile.Never felt it needed. Think that many of those extreemly hyena’s are often found. That’s my experience. And I admit, there’s nothing wrong with that. Because if there is demand and there is a great offer, who am I to decide on this? And that comes from both men and women. But I do know that it is personally nothing to me.
I find social contacts to meet much nicer, than unnecessarily make friends on a website.That you see the facial expressions and the emotions in a person, I find important. This allows you to gauge a person a bit and you know for sure who you are dealing with. Then you can sit next to it, but be sure you can’t gauge a person behind a screen at all. People can arise completely differently.
I had, when I was 16, a accountje on Tagged.A friend of me had an account and said that I had to make one too, because I never had a boyfriend and did not really bother me. I did like someone, but did not need to have a verkerinkje. But around that age I found it was a bit of time, because that was a reasonable age for me to have a boyfriend once.
I created an account out of curiosity.Everything honestly filled of course, because did not know that people shared false info on such sites. Photo-Uppload and Jaa there came the matches flowing in. So I started to find it nice, until I had agreed once with a boy who heard 18, but instead of an age, I met an old dick at the time 32. You don’t want to know how soon I got away. Luckily I was so clever to meet in an open spot.
Once you opened your account, you had received all sorts of messages from the morons you didn’t even know, but they did have the guts to ask for everything and share their needs.
The drop really came after a week or three already!When I got a message from a wacky idiot who asked me to sell my panties and if they used to pay for it.
Since then, you see me not opening an account on a site like Tinder.Those are all upgraded versions of sites like Tagged etc etc. And all of them are used for a particular purpose.
For example, a site like Facebook is the upgraded version of a site like Hyves.And there is nothing wrong with that. That’s purely for people you know, all your social contacts from the neighborhood etc ect. And people who share there usually do honest information. It is better in many respects than those second-class sites that are not for everyone.
After I got bachelor from a 17.5 year relationship (I had him terminated and this has gone happily) I went to step.In the pubs I got enough attention, but the kind of attention was not to write home. Drunk crazed men who found them with a: “Come here more often.” Enough attention to take home with you.
I was not waiting for that.I wanted to connect, have positive attention and undertake things together. I had the feeling that I had been asleep half my life at home.
I have on the advice of my ex Tinder installed.That was very frightening in the beginning and about my own prejudices.
- I do not believe in dating to appearance.
Your energy appeals to me. Humor and what radiates from your eyes
Tinder is a meat market
Still for a photo to post flowed the likes inside… Really, seriously gentlemen: this confirmed my prejudices.My ex immediately gave me some tips for privacy settings and how to start.
All settings on unviewable and Hup create a profile.I have chosen for honesty. Who am I and what I am looking for in a man. Of the latter did not create a whole laundry list. Finally I’m looking for a connection and humor.
I chose to get to know people.Find out who I’m dealing with on an online forum. Beware to meet up with someone as I thought someone would know a little.
Very soon I got through that I didn’t have to swipe too much right.Almost everything liked back and for the know you are chatting with 6 guy. Then it becomes difficult to get to know someone.
It was difficult than accepting for yourself that you should be more selective in appearance.My criteria to only liking men who had a profile story in it and didn’t put a six pack photo, I had to give up quickly. There were really few profiles with story, 20% Ofzo.
I have to say that I’m sporty and have a lot of energy, so I think I’ve got a lot of six pack types between my offerings.
Within a week I got to deal with a malfunction.None of my matches chatte more with me. Sounds crazy, but I thought “impossible!” I had a few good conversations running and started to get to know them. After 2 days I decided to create a new profile.
With the experience of my previous profile and the amount of chats I had running, I went a lot more selective.Again I had too fast matches that also had something to tell me instead of waiting for me to talk to them.
Again I noticed in a few days that the chats suddenly stopped.New matches and chats seemed to stop within 48 hours. Again I thought “… Impossible. Not all of them. “
From one match I knew enough to find him via LinkedIn.He immediately told me that he was happy to hear from me and that he had lost the match at once. We were in the middle of a chat when that malfunction came.
With him I had telephone numbers iutexchanged and an appointment came out.However, this man lived on the other side of the Netherlands and I was not yet sure if anything would come out of it. He was pretty flirting, was superficial and came across a bit like a player.
I continued with Tinder to ensure that I would not fall in love with him.During our date he managed to tell me that he still had 250 potential Tinder matches to prove with how popular he was.
I had to laugh at that.I was wondering why you should tell me something like that. The next day I activated a Gold account with an offer. There I could report to him the following… I have 2723 poweres… Ping 2724, ping 2725, Ping 2726… Ermmm where is the setting to turn these notifications off. The phone keeps vibrating…
With that gold account I found a match back from the first profile, which immediately told him that he had lost the match.I saw him as a match at the time, but he thought that I (or someone else) had unmatched him.
Tinder emailed me with my complaint.In fact, I had two matches to prove that there was an error at Tinder. I didn’t have to spend my phone number just like that. There just came out that I was unmatched and just had to try again, with some tips to get more likes.
After a month of Tinder, lots of matches, good conversations and lots of failures and 2 dates I have my 3rd date as a friend now.5 months together tomorrow.
I’ve got some nice anecdotes to tell and got the following as insight.
- Tinder is a meat inspection.
In contrast to what I expected I am also going to do with it. Otherwise you will be overwhelmed with matches.
Find out what the people who match you are looking for.
This allows you to build a connection.
I thought it was a particularly nice compliment to hear that the conversations with me were special compared to other matches.There was a deep draught. They felt a connection with me.
Of course it can be nice talk, but I felt a connection with everyone and was also genuinely interested in the matches and wanted to know who they were, what they liked and what they had experienced.
Of course I also encountered a few conversations that were stiff or did not like me, or who felt strange.
In my opinion, Tinder is especially interesting for socially less skilled people and sexually adventurous types.I myself think you have to enter the world and have to contact people with whom you experience a personal attraction. I do not think you can catch subtle things in an app. You can decorate a voice, a smile, a way of thinking, a person’s figure, a person’s humour. For me it’s really nothing at all.
I also find it weird that there is a market place for love.It sounds like it is a negotiable product.