She told me she was pregnant.I said, “OK, let’s have the baby. I’m rich. Don’t worry. And I love you.”
She cried.I kept saying, “What’s going on?” But she didn’t want to tell me.
At some point, she threw me out of her apartment.She had to be alone. I stumbled through Brooklyn for about an hour. I had one meeting, two meetings, three. I’ve blown them all off.
I didn’t land anywhere.I had lost my way. I called a friend. “Where am I?” And with the help of some signs and search engines we finally found a bus to take me “home”.
In quotation marks, because I didn’t have a home.I made it back to the city.
I haven’t heard from her for a week.Then she told me she had an abortion.
A woman has the right to vote.I agree. But the baby would be about nine years old now. Bye Bye, Baby.
Maybe he would look like me.Maybe he would draw. Maybe he would read science fiction. Or play chess. Maybe he would ask me questions and I would invent answers.
I stopped talking to her.She kept texting me. “Please! please! Answer me!”
And I loved them, so I finally answered.And she came by. And after a while we got back together.
But it was a dream in a dream.We drove around in a carousel and finally we had to get out and leave the carnival so that it could pack up and move to the next city.
The games were stale and no longer fun.
The last time I saw her, I was picked up by a car service.The driver recognized me. She helped me pack my bags into the car. The driver said to her, “This is a good guy.”
She said to him, “I know.”
And that was the last time I saw her or heard from her.
It’s okay.I don’t blame them. That’s just the way it is. Life is just confusing. We don’t even know what gravity is. Let alone what love is or what someone should do in a situation that is not really within the limits of what we should know as human beings.
I loved her.After her abortion, we were together for another six months.
All my friends told me, “Don’t do it.”
But words are in the brain.And love is in the heart. They don’t really talk to each other. You just keep doing what you do, no matter what pain the brain feels.
Was it my biggest mistake?
I took a year off to analyse this relationship.I have stopped all work. I wrote the worst book in world history. I dropped all my friends. I have lost all my sources of income.
I loved her.I haven’t spoken to her since. She has disappeared from all social media. I have no idea where she is or who she is.
Our mistake is to look back.Just as I do right now. But I wanted to revel in it for a few minutes.
That’s ok.I’m going to read a good book. I’m going to go to sleep. And tomorrow I will look forward again.
Maybe one day I’ll have another child.