Since the narcissist usually does not know that he is a narcissist, he cannot hide it.
The question arises, what is a narcissist?A narcissist defines itself as follows: See Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Is My Partner Narcissistic? By Eric Hegmann
Putting yourself in others is difficult for people with a narcissistic disorder.This is not always easily recognizable, because in order to achieve something for your own benefit, they can seem almost clairvoyant. The other person is impressed by the accuracy of the assessments, suspects empathy, but is actually manipulated – not necessarily consciously or with intent. Measurements of the cerebral cortex seem to confirm that narcissists actually have disorders in empathy. The regions responsible for compassion tend to remain underdeveloped.
Already in Freud’s early definition of narcissism, it became clear that narcissists experienced a loss of closeness and affection in early childhood development – for example, by a narcissistic parent.As a result, low self-esteem must be enhanced through constant recognition and confirmation of others.
3.Narcissists can’t show boundaries
“Up here and no further,” narcissists don’t like to hear.While other people may even find structures helpful, the narcissist feels devalued. His low self-esteem is now being violated, and he responds to that with counter-attack. Rules apply to others, not to him. Borders are necessary in his eyes – but only to protect himself
4.Narcissists see the world black and white
Whether colleagues or friends: people are either super or completely doof.There is nothing in between. Forgiveness is difficult for narcissists, because for lack of empathy they cannot really understand reasons for misconduct and failure. They see the insult and react as they see fit: no second chance!
5.Uninterrupted heeon after attention
A lot of attention, a lot of recognition, a lot of praise, a lot of admiration: narcissists need care like fuel.Because they have little self-confidence of their very many, they have to keep filling up their tank. This is what makes relationships with them so exhausting: they tap into the energy of their surroundings and leave them exhausted and exhausted.
6.Striving for dominance
Always the first to always want to be the best would simply be too strenuous for most people.Why? But there is another aspect that distinguishes narcissists from others: they do not ask for help or support. You don’t want to incorporate other opinions into your own decisions.
Why narcissists are so easy to convince us
Studies have shown very clearly that narcissistic group members were experienced by everyone else at the first meeting as particularly open, competent, conscientious, sociable or entertaining.Their eloquence was praised – because they are mostly eloquent, they are not afraid to reach out to others and inform themselves – as well as their entertainment value and their – supposedly – self-assured appearance. In the process of getting to know each other, narcissists are the pure opposite of a self-loving egomaniac. On the contrary, they seem to be honest and sincere, they advertise very imaginatively and creatively and leave the impression: wow!
The Difficult Sides of Narcissism
In partnerships, narcissists are far above average due to immutability and external relations.Because in sexuality, the narcissist needs variety and confirmation. He often prefers games in which one’s own experience is in the foreground rather than the common one. As parents, they want to control their children, they are less concerned with protection than with submission. Narcissistic parents are often angry with their children, so they believe they are doing everything wrong. Narcissistic disorders are so often passed on to the next generation. Relationship partners are exhausted and sucked out.If they are no longer able to give constant recognition, they are replaced or massively devalued. Those who come from a relationship with a narcissist often need external, professional help and support to avoid becoming a new destructive emotional addiction in the next partnership.
Typical statements of partners of narcissists from consulting practice:
- He told me he wanted to be able to talk to me
- He insulted me when I made a mistake
- She screamed at me in front of her girlfriends
- Everything had to be what she wanted – or not at all
- She has tried to change me in all areas
- He justified everything by saying that he only wanted the best for me
- If I once said “no,” he didn’t talk to me for a week
- In the end, I didn’t know if I was the narcissist
- He turned the word around in my mouth
- I can’t remember him apologising once
How to get out of a relationship with a narcissist
Often not even the friends notice that this obviously eloquent and charming person could be a narcissist.On the contrary, they often accuse those affected of exaggerating or imagining things. Relying on one’s own judgment, trusting one’s own voices again, is often not possible in this situation. It usually takes a painful occasion, such as an external relationship or a sidestep, for the partners of narcissists to understand the dependency they are in. Often that is not enough, at least not immediately. Narcissistpartners also suffer from low self-esteem in many cases. They therefore look for the error with them: if they had done this or left it, their partner would have stayed with them and would not have sought confirmation outside the relationship.
Unfortunately, it is a long process to get rid of and free ourselves from such thoughts.Anger and outrage at the narcissistic partner is often the first step in creating distance. But because the partners of narcissists are physically and mentally weakened and exhausted, they usually remain in the phase of depression for a very long time and suffer from depression. Without support, it is then hardly possible to actually free oneself and heal the injuries.
If your partner has turned out to be a narcissist and you want to end your toxic relationship, we recommend the following:
- Get emotional (and, if applicable,) emotional (and, if applicable,
also professional) support
Partner (sometimes up to threats or stalking – in this case you should definitely get help and support)