Poetry of Charles Beaudelaire,
Music by Serge Gainsbourg,
Reproductions of paintings by Van Gogh.
A glance in my study room would suggest an attentive person that I have a healthy fascination and/or a weakness for self-destructive artists.
This is also so.
Ever since I can hale I am attracted by this kind of free spirits.
But this is something that I do not understand myself.
I am thankful feed for psychologists, I suspect.
Why I always have to get myself down.I definitely don’t want to sound pretentious, but I often get compliments about my appearance. I realise that this totally sounds quite inappropriate so typed out.
It is not by definition so that as people around you since your childhood already give compliments about your appearance, that you also accept and believe this.My mom was and is my biggest fan. She is absolutely not superficial and has been able to take me from childhood that you are internally more important than your appearance. Apart from that, they also praised my appearance (not to others, but to me, sweet and quietly). I already looked in the mirror and wondered if that was the case. Yeah I always got a lot of compliments and enough attention from guys (bragdle number 2) but still, always doubting my appearance.
Like many teenage girls, I found myself too thick and ugly.Round face, not really thin calves and a belly. Admittedly, I was also quite a bit thick. Problems with food.
Now I am no longer fat and can be quite there (creation action number 3). But sometimes, very sometimes, I still doubt my appearance.Perhaps this also has to do with the fact that my generation is increasingly engaged in social media. I read that many social media influencate thousands of photos taking and editing them. Everything to achieve perfection.
To try to answer the question; How can it be that some people, despite their childhood, are already hearing handsome, good or special to be doubting themselves.Perhaps this is something human, and everyone has to deal with it to some extent. One much more than the other.
What I also do not understand is; Why do I remember negative remarks over positive comments?I once heard from a boy that I would have football calves. I have been doing this for years to process this. I found it so awful. I was already unsure about my calves, but this remark bods me in the ground. He was also absolutely not a Calvin Klein model, but still (just kidding;)).
Right away?Perfection? Away with it! I am satisfied with who I am and sometimes say secretly to myself Hanna you may be there.Just as every woman can say this about herself.Does this sound very strange? Pity then. It is what it is.
I saw a movie from Lizzie Velasques.Once labeled as the ugliest woman in the world. Really. This terrible text was written about her on the internet[1.I hope to be allowed to experience half of her positivity and strength once. What a beautiful woman.
I am very much aware of what I feel and think and how I trade, but why is still a mystery to me.The brain and the body are so complex, human being and interaction is simply largely incomprehensible or even totally unexplained. All guesswork. Very frustrating.
WasWhy I am who I am and not who other me want to be. Why I’m not thin, many girlfriends. And why I just do ADHD I don’t even understand what it is or should be with it… and so much more!
Understanding is one thing, feeling another.