I avoid lying to my children as much as possible.Even about the suicide of my own father, I have not lied.
I didn’t tell them how he did it, but I told them he chose to take his own life.Of course they had a lot of questions about it, but they usually accept it as is.
My kids seem to find the gory gore details of everything pretty good, but in this case I’m not really going into it: it’s too violent.
I can’t tell them: “Grandpa committed suicide with a shotgun under his chin”… It is the kind of thing that stigmatize someone.Even though they never knew him, his blood flows into our veins. Such violence does something to people.
Instead of giving the details, I have told them that they are now too small to deal with such information, that it is very difficult to deal with it.But I also promised them that as they get older, I’ll tell them everything they want to know about it. But that it does not ultimately suggest much, and the result is the same: death is not beautiful, it is not fun to deal with, and away is gone.
My children also ask me about sex, about reproduction, about all sorts of things.And I always answer. I tell them when it is sensitive content, warn them that their classmates may not be aware of this, so they should handle this information carefully.
About all the beautiful lies: Santa Claus, Sinterklaas and the teeth Fairy….. I don’t do it.My ex is doing it… And that’s a problem. But when I look at my children, I see that they enjoy the magical Sinterklaas stories, but they know the truth though, they just let themselves enjoy the magic.
I think I’ll educate my children something too realistically for their age.But I only follow my instinct and I think there is no perfect way to educate a child. According to Freud (I think) mothers always mess up their children… So, I’ll just make sure that the mess I make at least is done my way. So the line can go on, and my legacy is passed on.
Why should you lie about it?Reproduction is part of life. We live happily in the days when it is no longer a taboo. There are books for all ages. There are children’s farms where you can look at the lambs and the calves.
When my son was 4 or 5, he asked me if I had a picture with a big belly.
I said no, I didn’t have a smartphone at the time.Actually bought my first smartphone when you were only born. It was just before the time everyone made selfies. I did have a loose camera, but they took you on holiday or to a party. There was no habit of just taking pictures.
“That’s a pity.How can I now know if I am a mammal? “
We have also been to the Corpus Museum together when he was 6.Nothing going on. He said very wisely that he liked to know, but it is still too early for mom to know that he knows.
Same for Sinterklaas etc.He knew how it was, but because the teacher found it annoying, he does as if he still believes in it.
We are constantly lying to our children: Sinterklaas, the Stork, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the marmots heaven (at the death of the Marmot), etc.It is a miracle that children still trust us. Adults are highly unreliable. And if we do not lie we give half truths, or something more or less.
And just children ask questions.Sometimes such a difficult (“Why is the sky blue”, “How does a pill know where he should be”, in abdominal pain) that we only give a twist to it. And sometimes sensitive, or for some people sensitive, such as “Where do children come from”.
The tricky thing is, of course, that the ‘ whole ‘ answer often does not fit into a child’s head-and that a child proposes a short and concrete answer.That is why we are dosing the tailor-made response, where ‘ dosing ‘ is an advanced form of lying. Parents have a lot of dosing.
And ultimately, your child accepts that babies come from the belly of mom that wants to know how it’s in again, and how it comes out.And if it understands how it comes in, the child wants to know if you are more likely to do so, but possibly also whether you are well at your head.
Children are curious-encourage it!And my idea: lying, no. Dosing: Yes. You will have to.
Yes, if the truth does not yield anything other than pain and guilt.
When I came back my ex was gone.She disappeared every day around five o’clock, and then came back the next morning. My kids asked me where is mama, why does she go away, etc.
The truth was: because she doesn’t want to be here when Daddy is there. That was a truth that they were not helped with, so I told them not.
Lying is unwise, even against your own children.
And whether you share it or not, as soon as the child learns to become clean, it is already starting to learn difficult subjects.That sounds weird, but there is where it starts according to psychological research. So sooner or later, those difficult topics will be addressed to him or her whether you want it or not.
It is better to be open and honest, but full openness on very complex concepts, which is also not so sensible, it is better to show partial openness.
Look at full openness also plays this.I can also try to explain difficult concepts to a five-year-old, such as how electrons work and Quantum mechanics, but whether the child will understand it all, I doubt it.
No openness is also unwise a child will then experiment in adolescence where it is unwise and he or she does not oversee everything.That’s not to say that you only need to warn, you can also share positive information.
Too much information is not good, too little either.The art is to find a balance between what the child’s brain can handle and what it needs to be able to see and learn from the experiences of others. Every child is different and I think that people around the child also learn from children what it can handle and what it needs.
To measure what the child would like to know.
I would personally prefer to use metering rather than dosing, because dosing assumes that we give good portions of information and now no man really knows what is right, we often try but what has worked for us from our own experience, especially at the first Child.
Honesty and openness is not always easy in difficult subjects, but honesty lasts the longest and you will continue in the development of the child.
My mother never talked about her divorce, because she had too much trouble with it.So we small children knew that we were not allowed to talk about divorce. We were not allowed to say one another. With each other we did not talk about our father, but my brother and sister, both older than me, showed me photographs, without really speaking. Of course, my mother didn’t know. Wordless knowledge.
If you are lying about difficult issues against your children, you will learn that you have to lie about difficult subjects.If you learn to be honest at the same time, you will also learn to skin
Openly you must be honest and covered you must lie.If this fits in with your vision of the world, that is of course excellent, but I think you would not have been able to get children.
Children can really do everything.They just accept the most crazy things. The feelings you show also take them effortlessly. Lies often hear complex feelings, which you may be able to hide from your wife, but not for your children. When you say this you hear these feelings, you always learn them.
If children really have no trouble at all, then it is with sex, although they are not there at all.The sexual is really an animal emotion and children are also really still animals.
The problem surrounding sexual education is that we, adults, have ambivalent feelings.False shame, hesitation.
The questions of a child go no further than they go.’ Where do I come from? ‘ ‘ Out of the belly of your mother. ‘ Some people are already giving sexual information at all, while those children are not yet in the right.
If mum and dad really love each other, it’s much easier to tell about everything.After all, the children constantly see how these two interact with each other.
When mother is drunk at home and occasionally pulled by father over the floor, or vice versa, mother occasionally funeral against father, it is a bit weird to tell the children that daddy loved mom so much that he stopped a seed in her belly.’ Just like Sinterklaas. ‘ Yes, just like Sinterklaas, but Sinterklaas is actually the neighbor, you know? ‘
Quite difficult truths.Why am I here? Does life make sense? How should I live? These are the big questions of a four-year-old.
Why would you lie.I am very aware that I am THE example for my son. Surely it would be weird if he shouldn’t lie but I do when it suits me better?
In difficult subjects I always turn around, this to determine the level at which I have to tell my son something.I then ask ‘ how do you think it works? ‘
Well there are sometimes fantastic stories coming out and when they are too fantastic I just send in.It’s also a good way to gauge how much a child already knows, then you can tune your story there.
Above all, you realise that the subject is not difficult for a child.
For a child, everything is ‘ ordinary ‘ and they have no sense of what it all entails in the adult world, and that sometimes doesn’t have to be.
The hardest I found when my son was 5 and he saw a poster of a sick child, something like that.We were on the way to the bike just after shopping and I put it back in his seat when he asked ‘ Mama, can children also die? ‘ I then dropped my messages, because that was a very serious subject. I then explained that children can indeed go dead, but that is never just that. Children can also get an accident or become ill like the baby on the poster.
There he had never stood still.
‘ Is the Child on the poster dead now? ‘ he then asked.
“I think so.” I said.
‘ Happy! ‘ He pulled up relieved breath it seemed and I thought ‘ oh jee ‘ to myself.Then he said, “for if that child is dead, he lives on the stars and the moon at Grandpa and Grandpa was very sweet so he now takes care of the child.”
What a beautiful thought.He had conceived the stars and the moon at the time when Grandpa was dying. Grandpa is now living there with a whole bunch of pets and the baby of the poster;) But my son now knows better how it works.
But yes fact remains that even adults cannot agree where your soul remains.So maybe we’ll go to the stars. I think it’s a nice thought!
Knowledge and also brings understanding.
Regardless of the theme explain and Edukeren in an age-justified way.
In case of reproduction is simple.One can explain the propagation of the plants, animals and then humans.
That reproduction in the present Man from 3 basic aspects exists the instinct, the intellect and the emotion to convey the moral consciousness and balance in children.
Explain in short understandable phrases, instinct-driven reproduction, intellectual choices and the emotional feelings associated with human reproduction.
In General, I am against lying to your own children.It may be that the child is not yet in the hearing of the honest and complete answer. Then you can choose to say that you will respond later. Or make a start with it, tell a section what is adapted to the moment in their development.
In addition, I think we should start by giving answers, as mentioned above, with regard to preplanting and sexuality early on.Children get a lot of information about z贸many topics from all possible sources nowadays that it is better that the parents will tell it at appropriate time.