What sounds miserable and limp, “when the fire is extinguished”.Do you sit together watching how it went out, or something? Passive and caring?
But good.If you do not get the Fik in it and if you are reasonably able to relate to each other and also do not get another fire: do not move. This is your life. A smoldering existence.
If you can no longer relate to one another: Get away.Is also better for the kids. And should you meet a burning love: you must keep it. Otherwise you will be back in the smoke.
From the perpective of a daughter: it is not nice to see your parents arguing with each other.That is so. You feel involved. You love your father and your mother but I like these situations you want it to stop. That it stops the conflict situations and the fighting. So to expose your children to them. Home should also feel like a home. Believe me, if your parents are always arguing, sometimes you don’t feel like a warm environment at home.
Plus, kids aren’t kidding.They really know if it doesn’t run well. Be sure to appreciate if parents continue to fight for their marriage. But as you set it ‘ the fire is extinguished ‘ I see it bleak.
Choose.Choose something. But do not stay in that uncertainty for your children. As long as it is not a fight separation, I think that many children come over it. If only they are spoken with them and if they know that mom and dad both love them. And especially that the situation has nothing to do with them.
In My language we have a nice expression: Fly apart, meatballs separately.
Children are a very long-term project.If you want to get children as parents and partners with someone and you want to keep it that way, then the children should not be the brunt of your fire.
Who manages to burn the fire for 18 years?Almost no one. If fire is so important to you that it even affects your decision to marry or to divorce, then vasectomy is a better idea.
I had to consider this question a few years ago.And what made me decide to divorce were my children.
I have two daughters.I was no longer happy with their father, but I had no hate feelings or anger for him. I just wanted the best for all of us, so I was wondering: should I stay with him until my daughters go away?
There were two answers:
- Do I want to be unhappy over the next 15 years?
What about my life?
To sacrifice myself, my young years and to stay dependent on a man? And above all: do I want to blame my girls with this weight?
I chose to give a good example and therefore I felt no regrets when we went apart.I didn’t feel guilt towards my girls.
The social ideal of a family does not correspond to the reality of our lives.
It’s too much pressure and it doesn’t make people particularly happy.
I chose to show my children that a woman can live independently, even a mother.
And that the “happily ever after” is not the norm.
The fire serves to bring you together.If it is good then you are going to love each other. That’s with babies too. Those separate a fabric thereby the mother binds itself to the child. You must try to bring love, responsibility, care. If that does not succeed, ask the question on Quora.
Life is already short enough to not yet play almost 18 years of theatre.Then you have to be careful that in the meantime the woman does not get pregnant with a friend because then it comes back 18 years and then the questions that he does not attract you, as if not everyone around you knows how your marriage stands. Or if she gets pregnant back from you, you’re back 18 years stuck to a marriage that pulls on nothing.
When it’s done, it’s done, each its own way, each looking back for a possible new partner.
If you succeed in living in peace “side by side”, and thus each can lead a life of its own without it leading to tensions and quarrels, fantastic… Go for it.
My experience, however, is that very little can do this.
Living with parents who have a permanent kibble war is MUCH MORE negative for the children than separating them.Moreover, divorces are no longer the exception, and children take this much less heavily than they used to when it was still “scandalous”.
The experience I have experienced with my parents is that as parents only ‘ tolerate ‘ the children that feel absolutely!
It is of course fantastic for children when the parents stay together but remember that children are not stupid;)
They feel that parents are not with love but only as a task.If they then start separating on their 18th, then that also creates the image that if you are unhappy you have to go ahead and be unhappy for years. Surely this is not a life lesson that you want to give to your kids?
When it comes to just the romance that is gone but love is still there?Well then the answer seems clear to me:)
Separating, none of the parties benefit from the desire to maintain the relationship for the benefit of the children.But it is also not an excuse if the fire is extinguished to hurt another by chasing each other’s backs to find another fire. If something goes no more then you just have to accept it very simply and if you really love each other then let yourself loose with respect and value. Children feel more and know more than we think adults sometimes. The moment the relationship no longer runs will give tensions in the family so also to the children. Many people are inclined to stay together not only because of children but purely by cowardly behaviour and can not be honest in the fear of having to say goodbye to their familiar life. Again if something goes no more then you should not want to force it to try it anyway for the sake of children, accept and make sure that the children are never bothered by just a good, professional and respectful understanding. Have in the dealings of children and children you should never use as Trump for your own weaknesses, never do.