They say that an observed pot can never cook, and it is true that in their sweet time people do what they will do, how they want and when they want.
It is also true that it may be over.But in the right shape, it’s a safe bet that you’re on the burner with a narcissist. It’s just a mighty big oven.
Most of us visit memories of past relationships, especially shortly after separation.They are at the top. Sometimes these memories last a lifetime. Over time, however, they gradually slip through the menu of our consciousness.We could check in regularly just to be social, but we moved on.If they were abusive, we could block them out altogether.
From the mental eye of an offender, especially a narcissist, you are still in their thoughts.If you are not in front and center, you are still active. You can’t or don’t want to let go.
When you think about it, it’s not that hard to look for other people. You know where you work, what gym you go to, where you live, who your friends are and what hours you work.You can follow you on social media, drive past your seat, call or text you, or connect through friends to keep track of your activities. It could also be stalking.
You know he sniffed.Chances are it’s not your imagination.It is a firmly installed instinct to protect you from predators. This dangerous feeling of being persecuted is intoxicating. It’s certainly boredom.
If you were in love with her, it might sound romantic.For me, it was certainly the case. Somewhere out there he’s still carrying a flame.And if you’re like me, it could work for you. And that’s okay! We have all the impulses and these cute “I am all that” thoughts that keep our trust high. Just don’t act on it.
It can also turn into stalking. light. It’s no longer fun. You feel eyes on yourself. You start to notice that something is going wrong in your apartment. Little things – coincidence? Or are you going crazy? You get calls from numbers you don’t know a few times a week. Strange texts. Stalking is a whole new level of transgression. It’s criminal and can affect your life in ways you can’t imagine if you hadn’t been there before. Sometimes repeated. They don’t wear a doormat. You have a bully on your back.
It is also possible that one day he will unload you without warning.You do what you have to forget about it, and over time you do it. This may require some extreme measures that you are not proud of, but the pain is gone. Over time, it becomes a distant memory. But in his head you are as easily accessible as a computerfile.
Narcissists live in their thoughts. They close their eyes and you are back in their lives.Some of them keep your memory with amazing details. Things you can hardly remember. You remember the expression in your eyes when you said “I love you” and meant it with all your heart. You can still feel the onslaught when you stand next to his friends. You can still feel your body moving and the things you’ve done on those intense nights. And how did they own you?
They buy groceries, go to work or sleep well.You run files on your computer at any time.Any content they want.And if that’s not enough, they start imagining what they’d like to do, and include their special effects.
How long can this take?If he’s a normal guy, the chances are good.You can contact you months later to get an exit interview. However, this is not compulsory.
Narcissists, however, are impulsive.They usually circulate back shortly after separation, somewhere between a week and a month later. It depends on whether they have access to the next thrill – someone else, a new adventure, a new rock sack.
However, if you choose “no contact” and stick with it, it may get boring and you can continue with the next thrill.Quantity, not quality is his measure.
You can control some of them yourself.If you stay in touch “just to be friends,” then shoot yourself metaphorically in the foot. He can reach you at any time. More importantly, he was never your friend. If you shout at him, call him or even see him with your eyes, you still react. There is still a connection in his head.
We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to a narcissist.Your pride may be hurt, but you’re still here in one piece. Double the “no contact”. And when you see it, make sure you look good and stay cool. Appearances are your armor.
And never, never let your vigilance down.
You can return at any time.Usually it’s what triggers you to see you again and/or a low point in their lives.
You don’t say you’re one of many files.There could literally be hundreds of them. Even thousands. There are always a number of former, present and future heaps of other actors that he can access at any time.When he sees you again, you are today’s news. There is always an evening edition. And the next day. And on and on.
How long can they wait?In my experience over thirty years.You read correctly. It was so long that I had forgotten/stuffed all the negatives. He remembered things I barely remembered. Beware of reunions.
What can I expect?Time is not friendly to anyone.It may take some time or decades, but he’s back. Be prepared – narcissists don’t get better.
In the short-term back of the circle, they can stretch their things like a peacock in full feather.They look good enough to eat. And if you’re hungry for love, affection and good sex, he promises everything you’ve ever wanted from him. He’s fast, hot and delicious and you’re a human being. So you can forgive yourself for going back. Until you learn that fast food is not only not good for you, but can also be deadly.
In the long-term circle back you will see a deterioration due to aging, rejection, their disturbed mind and almost certainly due to the progressive effects of long-term use of drugs and alcohol.The savior in us wants to help and takes him into arms, houses, bedrooms and wallets. Watch out – it’s now exponentially more needy and toxic.
What can I do?That is probably the most important question of all.We can spend an insane amount of time trying to understand why narcissists do what they do. Our mind is trying to understand a crazy situation. That’s why they call narcissistic behavior a personality disorder. They are disorderly.
Don’t ask why he’s crazy.
Ask what you’re going to do for yourself. And how you will save and protect yourself from this destructive, fuzzy crazy person.How to return to normality, learn from it, and possibly help others. There’s a lot of it out there. And a lot of work in front of you.
Here’s a new word for your vocabulary.
No no no no.
Say it the way you mean it.
Say it to protect you.
Say it because you are angry, disgusted, full and offended.
Say it because you refuse to live your life.
Because you’re bored of the games.
Because loneliness is better than abuse.
Because you believe in a future for yourself.
Because something bigger than you has a better plan for you.
And if you haven’t quite understood it yet, say it anyway.Fake it until you can. No means no, no. Close the door.
This is how someone else can open up.It will. And that is a promise.