How do you see your narcissistic ex now that you’ve put him and the relationship behind you?

I see three people.Not one. And each for himself.
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The first person was the one with which I enjoyed wonderful moments.Hours of conversations, awe and deep exchanges in alternation. In the right size. About important and unimportant things. Sometimes wordy, sometimes quiet. It took nothing, because both were equally fulfilling and absolute silence had a certain sound. This person was attentive, sympathetic to me and interested in me, my thinking, my worries, what gave me joy and it gave me joy. With small things and most of all with their own presence. We counted the stars together and sometimes we didn’t do anything. But nothing ever felt like anything. On the contrary. Rather, according to EVERYTHING!This person always laughed with me.Or rather, we laughed together. Completely automatic. We did a lot of things together, at the same time, synchronously. The same thought at the same moment… that was normal. Between me and this person.
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The second person was the one who made me realize that time was limited with the first, although I never thought it was possible.She made me feel that I felt abandoned and pushed aside, waiting in vain for the first person to return. She had not said goodbye to me. That didn’t suit her (?) Sometimes I asked the second person about the whereabouts of the first, but she didn’t know the answer. It seemed to me that she didn’t really know who I was actually asking for and listening to me or answering questions was kind of annoying to her. I talked to her for hours, but there were other conversations. All the words were edgy as if they had spikes like the leaf of a saw. I had also cut myself on some of them. If we were dumb together, it was dumb. I was rarely able to laugh with her. I don’t know why I loved spending time with her, but I remember her looking like the first person to confuse. And she also wore the same perfume. That was enough for me and for a while I arranged with this person. This second. But don’t sit down with me. Somehow I always felt like I had to change for them so that we could laugh and have a good time. So the first person was always in my head. I missed her and waited for her to return, or at least a sign of life. But time passed and in the meantime I didn’t notice that the second person was doing me quite a lot of damage. I don’t know why I was so negligent and didn’t pay attention to what was important to me. Or what happened around me. I think I was so busy waiting for the first person to return that I ignored a lot of things. Actually everything. At the side of the second person I felt lonely and strangely cold, although she often stood next to me and so one day I decided that our paths should separate. I left and as I walked and kept going, I remembered the first person and the second person. “Reverse to go back to one of them?” I thought sometimes.
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Time passed and I met the third person.I felt like I had seen her before, or maybe even knew her. She looked at me. With a haunting look. Almost conspiratorial. But since I didn’t know who this person was, I passed her before she could raise a word. I felt a little uncomfortable with this bare passing. It didn’t suit me at all, but I thought, “Am I obliged to stop? Am I owed anything to this person?”
“No, but to me, I believe” and passed her by.
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For my recovery process, it was immensely important to remember three people.All positive and beautiful memories, all negative and heavy thoughts are not “only” tied to one person. All three had their time. All three need their space and place where they will be mentally bedded as I continue without one of them.
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Person one will always have been worth looking forward to spending time with her in retrospect and to know that it was “special” for me.
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Person two will always have been worth it without her going on and I know I shouldn’t have had to spend my time with her at the time.It was my decision, although I can no longer understand it today. But there was this time and she had her reasons.
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Person three had no meaning for me, although it reminded me of person one and two.I had a lot of unanswered questions when I met them. Perhaps she could have answered some of my questions? perhaps. But maybe not. I didn’t care, and as I passed her, I thought, “If I couldn’t sort out my questions with person one or person two, then person three – although I still don’t know who she was – won’t be helpful either.”
Because if she was person one, then I know that person never existed.If it was person two, I know that every word would have been superfluous.
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In this respect, I was able to leave all three persons peacefully at the exact place of my life and remember them, which had connected us in each case.On a beautiful, on a sad man and on a meaningless one.

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