I have recently read a very good approach by an investigator to assess who is really the one of the two who is the cause of the abuse.Because she said it doesn’t always have to be the one with the injuries. Narcissists in particular often render their counterparts powerless and provoke until the other simply cannot, while at the same time exerting total control.
And that is exactly the point that this investigator pays the most attention to: ‘Who of the two is the one with the control craze, the one who has everything under control… and who of both is the one who bowed to this control .. has adapted.The Customized.. which is controlled .. is the victim’. from their point of view. And that really seems to me to be a very good method. however, I also believe that there are mixed forms and characters that control each other. So all this is to be enjoyed very carefully.
I learned the following from my experience with narcissists.
-tear everything itself
-no insight… in my opinion one of the greatest characteristics, is the absolute inability to criticize and complete incompatience to one’s own behavior .. a total incompetence of self-reflection… with the narcissists I had to deal with, it went so far that they projected their mistakes on me. I had once criticized. shortly afterwards they presented me with what I was told you
-if you sometimes wonder if you are the narcissist, the problem is .. try to reflect. and really EHRLICH to yourself, this is a good sign that YOU are not the narcissist, because the narcissists I know were absolutely incapable of doing so. they used all possible tricks and were NOT sincere.If it was helpful to save themselves from their grandiose self-image, they also willingly and without scruples twisted the truth. this was not important to them at all. I suspect they really believe the lies they are giving.
-one of the greatest narcissistic symptoms. Narcissists don’t say what they feel. everything is about manipulation of the other person. they CAN only manipulate .. this seems to be somehow their nature (how many times have I thought during arguments: why don’t you just say that you are hurt. how do you feel?no.. this is under the dignity of a narcissist. instead of admitting that he is injured, he destroys (psychologically) and punishes others for feeling so through them. it is often but very difficult to see THROUGH WHAT exactly has injured the narcissist and it is very often total little things .. where one can no longer comprehend what it was that triggered the narcissistic rage).
-You never act truly selfless and sincere… at least the hardcore narcissists I know. I can’t speak for everyone of course
I have to say that I have very deep sympathy for such a person.That is probably also my dilemma. Because I imagine it to be horrible. A narcissist is the greatest torment in itself .. I think so. For he never penetrates to his true self. he has none at all. He is a shell that is the greatest goal to get, so that he does not have to look in the mirror and so that others simply do not see it for what it is. This is the greatest fear of the narcissist. Do you have this fear?