How do I get rid of a negative mindset?

Positive mindset = self-love

I have published the following article on my blog:

Joshwagenbach – Behavioral Psychology, Habits Formation and Performance Improvement

Self-love or love yourself!wow that’s so fucking hard!

Loving yourself can be so fuc**** hard.It’s been seven days since I spent another time in bed with a hangover, a Saturday. It’s disappointing when you’re planning so much for the day and then tearing yourself apart by self-doubt. Small note on the edge.

I am a rational-thinking person and for that reason alone the following sentence makes no sense.But I’m scared. Terrible fear of the future. What can go wrong, more pain, more suffering and more loss.

I don’t know how long ago it was and I had such self-doubt.The new year has only just begun and I am plagued with irrational fears. But actually I don’t care how long ago it was.

I rolled myself out of bed to the side.Looked in the mirror and I looked exactly how I felt.

Something grabbed me in that moment and I understood when I wanted to stand on my feet again.Must I learn to love myself again.

At that moment I realized again that I had lost the relationship with myself.I’ve had this connection before, but it was kind of gone. For years I have been reading books, articles, listening to podcasts and watching videos about them. I did an infinite number of experiments, talked to coaches and mentors and rebuilt the then destroyed relationship.

What have I learned over the years?I hope it will help you a little…

False mindfulness, negativity and other things that destroy your love

Just imagine two movies about you.One couldn’t praise you better. All the best is said about you. You are warm-hearted, determined and mindful. You are a gift from God and everyone should follow in your footsteps.

The second film puts you in a completely different light.You are described as ignorant, idiot and not-so-talented. Your work is bad and a total waste of time. People should avoid or even ignore you.

If you’re like me, the negative movie about me would be much more influential than the positive one.As it turns out, this is normal. It’s what psychologists call the negative effect.

The negative effect is the phenomenon when two identical stimuli flow into us, the negative but more demands our attention.

The weird thing about the negativity effect is that from an evolutionary perspective, it had a great competitive advantage.Let’s say you were a hunter/collector looking for food. Suddenly you will encounter a poisonous snake and a wild boar that could feed your family for weeks. Your subconscious now has milliseconds to decide which animal gets your attention.

If you are in front of the wild boar to hunt, the snake will alert you.If you choose to defend the snake, the boar will run away. But you won’t be bitten.

All our (stupid) ancestors, who naturally paid attention to the positive stimuli in their surroundings (the wild boar), died out.They could not see the snake as a danger.

In the past, the negative effect was a useful adaptive response.Today, it just gets you to worry too much about things that don’t matter. It only shows you what is wrong with you and the world.

The filter: at any given moment you will be bombarded with more stimulation than your mind can actively edit.To work in an environment saturated with data, your mind filters almost all the information around you. This is called filter theory of attention.

A side effect of this filtering is that the world ends up looking like you’re “impregnation”.

For example, if you read this sentence, you won’t pay attention to how your toes feel in your socks.But now that your attention is focused on your toes, you notice them. This is the filter theory in action.

The composite effect and the media: Our minds are not very good at processing reality.First, your mind is much more likely to notice what is wrong than what is right. Second, your mind is forced to filter almost all of the stimulation in a particular situation.

For this reason, your mind has a tendency to classify you as much less intelligent, capable, good-looking, charming and ultimately relationship-ready than you actually are.

This is exacerbated by a media culture programmed for fear and an advertising culture that helps you feel small even further if you are not up to date with all the current trends.

Simply put, if you’re having trouble loving yourself, there’s nothing wrong with you.It is a side effect of modernity.

Loving yourself happy is a skill that can be learned and mastered.The first step is to understand how important you are.


Everything in your life flows out of your relationship with yourself.Learn to treat yourself the way you deserve it. Because you deserve love, respect and happiness.

If you treat yourself as someone who deserves contempt and indifference, every day will be a struggle and it will be hard for you to keep your head above water.

The unfortunate part is that most people never put much energy into their relationship with themselves.They drift through life as their own bad critics, working to curb their potential and keeping their hearts and minds guarded.

I know that sounds dramatic, but pause for a moment.If you’ve talked to your friends about how you’re talking to yourself in your head, would you still have friends? Before I started working on my relationship with myself, I wouldn’t have any friends.

On a deeper level: Have you ever felt completely loved by yourself or anyone else?

You’ll be surprised how many people honestly answer “no.”I will come back to that later.

I spent years of my life quiet.Always told me I wasn’t worth it. I was obsessed with things I’ve done in the past. Of the mistakes and the ways I could have taken. I have failed to admit I am a human being (I still sometimes imagine myself being a demigod).

Do you feel familiar with that?Don’t worry: it just means you’re a human being.

Anyone who knows my first articles will know that I have been dealing with self-love for a long time and that was also one reason why I went to Canada in 2013.But I still have a few bigger rocks from which I find it hard to loosen.

My journey is far from over (self-love is a process, not a goal), but I’m already a long way behind me and hope I can help you a little bit.Because the truth is: loving yourself is FUCKING HART.But it should be so easy.

The easy way is to distract yourself with drugs, alcohol, stress, lies, “I’m busy”, bad relationships and external things and pretend to be happy.But that makes you a cold, insensitive robot bit by bit. But your goal is to become a lively, hot-blooded person. One of my deepest wishes is for you to wake up. And realize how amazing and powerful you really are. This journey requires courage (and it takes courage) to live and love while you are still alive.

But your goal is to become a lively, hot-blooded person.One of my deepest wishes is for you to wake up. And realize how amazing and powerful you really are. This journey requires courage (and it takes courage) to live and love while you are still alive.


Think about your relationship with yourself in four levels:

Level 1: from day to day.Treat yourself like an important person who deserves love and respect or do you have unreasonable expectations of yourself? What do your behaviors say about your relationship with yourself?

If you don’t treat yourself as you would treat someone you love, you’ll never feel the love that’s in you.

Level 2: Accept your dark side.Do you accept and recognize your dark side when it comes to light? You embrace the part of you that is pessimistic, lazy, depressed, violent, coarse and offensive? Or do you pretend that everything is made of rainbows, gummy bears and unicorns. Do you pretend that every day is a good day?

To be human is to be a storm.To have temperament and to make something completely unconsidered. But also to be quiet and happy on another day. You have to allow both and you can’t lie to yourself all the time.

Level 3: The real work.Have you really realized who you are, that you are not perfect and a little imperfect? Have you realized that exactly the imperfect makes you perfect and you are this person?

One of the most beautiful experiences as a human being is that it is never too late to become the man or woman you always want to become.You get a second chance to reinvent yourself every morning. You can start growing on yourself. This step requires courage and clarity, because it is not easy to demolish old walls.

When you take this step, a lot of new things open up around you.

Level 4: The highest form of love.Each individual was born with unique gifts. The gifts can be anything: from athletic performance, empathy, humour, spirituality, business acumen and everything in between.

The real job of loving yourself is to learn and see who you really are and accept that.If you go down this path, you will receive many gifts that have been given to you since your birth. You just never found you.

The supreme expression of love for oneself and the world is to share these gifts freely and abundantly.


But there is not a single way forward.Your job is to find your way. I will do my best to help you, but you are the one who has to go down this path.

My advice to you: If you find a step or suggestion that excites you, experiment with it.See when it opens you up and makes you happier. If so, stick to it. If not, let it go.

If you take a step of fear, reluctance or disgust, approach it with curiosity.Ask yourself why you have such a strong reaction to it. Instead of building your walls that prevent you from taking your next step.

Let your strong feelings be your leaders…

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