You shouldn’t help people without asking them.And no then I’m not talking about an Oma’tje help with crossing. These are other situations.
As you already indicate: it hurts.Have you ever highlighted what you are doing now? Where are you intent? You help someone who doesn’t ask for help. Why would that person thank you, you did nothing for that person, because that person did not ask for it.
You also don’t thank me if you come home tomorrow and I have dyed your hall lila.
‘ I helped you, because your wallpaper had become ugly. ‘ ‘ Excuse you? ‘ would be your response and rightly so, because who am I to interfere with your wallpaper?You found these flowers beautiful!
This also applies to helping people with other problems.Even if they are problems that they themselves experience as such. So even though you said to me that you find the flowers ugly, that gives me no right to give your hall a makeover. And for that reason you will never thank me, because I did it without your permission.
Now the nicest part.Why do you actually do that? Everywhere everything and everyone unsolicited to help shoot? Everyone knows that it is easier to help a friend to hang than to whiten your own little wall. So what’s going on in your ‘ house ‘ (life) that you’d rather not be there?
The answer to that question is for you.You know why you’re running away. I know why I walked away earlier, I found it difficult to be in my own home, I had not paid attention to that for as long as I actually was a bit embarrassed. Help others, but take care of myself. Ho but. I was quite sorry about that and that house reminded me of that. Time and again.
My solution?Against the plain with it. One day I turned around and thought, I don’t want this anymore. Help people and don’t feel good myself? It does not strike anywhere that house, I can demolish it. Bam, demolition bullet through it. Used to stuff what I wanted to keep, what suits me, and all the other discarded. Voila, away pain. Tada: New I.
‘, ‘ I’ll help someone who is asking.Then they say thank you. Then I know it has arrived. One boy I help without asking for it. We lived with his celebrate. His father, he, me and a housekeeper. His father was my secretary. When this died, we continued with the three. I regard the boy as my son. He is now 21. I don’t ask him to be thankful to me.
“,” How do you cope with the fact that you help people?
By doing it.
How do you cope with the fact that you help people without asking them?
By doing it.Here is a side note. Who decides if it is ‘ help ‘. Does your doors open to another? Do you give someone assistance in difficult times? A shoulder to cry? Talk to the other? Making decisions in advance?
How do you cope with the fact that you help people with an expectation?
Not.That’s just not going to succeed. You throw a pebble in the pond and expect the pond to throw it back? If you HELP then that is without expectation. Otherwise, it becomes a transaction. I help as many people as possible, in me ability, when it can, when I have time. If I expect to do this again, I have to say in advance: Look, I’ll help you now, but I’ll expect the same back soon. I do not. Then I don’t help, then ‘ sell ‘ me myself.
I help and then it’s done.Then I do nothing more with that. If later someone says ‘ Thank you for helping you, I can do something back ‘, I must first think very hard with which I have helped, but if I do not need help, I will say so too.
The pain you feel is that you have been raised with the idea that ‘ whoever does well, meets well ‘.That might be true, but not the way your expectation pattern is now.
If you need help, you can indicate that.If someone is willing to help you, you know what for someone that is. If someone is not prepared for it, then you know what someone is. The first one keep you close, the other cut your way. Simple.
Remember: Expectations are never met.Things happen and you can do things. Ball rolls, ball rolls. You make a choice, as everyone can make a choice. You help, or you don’t help. You are satisfied with yourself if you have helped someone, or you are not. You can’t have an expectation on that. If you don’t want to help without reaction, you shouldn’t do it. But are you feeling better? Don’t think so. Let the feeling sail from pain. That is a remnant of miseducation. Be yourself, make the world as you would like to leave it to your children. ‘ Lead by example ‘.
“Do and don’t see it…”
Without the long explanation of Mr Spectrum-Dinges.You help people from a need to be found nice and if that doesn’t give the expected result, it hurts for you. A disguised form of a lack of self-love. A little narcissism-light.
What you feel in my opinion is the lack of not being used.
You have someone around you in your immediate area where you do everything.You have to call and you are at the door, but conversely there will always be something in between.
You “help” that friend without asking them in hopes of a positive response, and that person is overwhelmed with things and anything “because you do so gladly” and at the same you work yourself the black.
Reduce contact with that person and you will see how you have neglected yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with selfishness, but you shouldn’t want to mix it up with caring for yourself.The people who are good for you don’t need to get 漏 just as much… that’s not a friendship, but a Hagar.
There must be balance in your investments in others and caring for yourself.Be good for others, but don’t always expect reciprocity. So clearly set your wishes and boundaries together, what you need for your own well-being. Sometimes it is good to separate similar contacts sharply from unselfish services to others. Then both aspects often work better.