On holiday at my grandfather in Geleen, I was 11 years old, I became friends with two Moroccan boys,-brothers-, away.
Very nice guys, we often football together.
Early afternoon we usually parted as my parents, my brother and sister, and I went to the pool.
After several times I asked my parents if they could not join us once.
Yeah, that could of course.
I asked the question to my Moroccan friends.
They wanted to join in, but never had been in the pool.The elder of the two said cautiously, and with some shame, that there was just no money for that.
Something that seemed so obvious to me was that apparently not for these Moroccan boys.
They had the time of their life in the pool, but some of them voted for thought later.
In material sense I had everything I could wish for, I went on holiday several times a year, and then lay for days in the pool…
I did it very well, I realized.
If you come from a country, you are in some ways very spoiled.Taxi, hairdresser, manicure etc. Were previously for me non-issue. Everyone had money for that, even though you didn’t deserve anything. And then you come to NL and suddenly it becomes a luxury for you.
But well, to the point.I came to NL at the end of June and my civic integration course would start in September. So I had two months free to get used to the environment and so on.
My partner gave me small assignments daily.As independent go to the Tax Office and request the Social Security number (now called the Social Security Number). Or go to the shopping center, select the bank and open an account. Or to call the GP practice, make an appointment and register. In short, he wanted to make me independent of him as soon as possible. Often I was lost, sometimes in the grind, but in the end I saved myself.
No Internet, no 06 number, just the map of Amsterdam, a little cash, English-Dutch/English English Dictionary and a strippenkaart.
One day he gave me a list of dentist practices nearby.I had to pick one and go along.
A friendly dental assistant said they did accept new patients.And I could be helped directly. The dentist asked if he could remove Tartar. So he could see better what had to be done. I found it fine.
Then he found that my fillings that were “put abroad” were not quite good and he wanted to replace them with his own fillings.I didn’t count on that, but if the dentist thought it had to be… I nodded.
Then he said that one of my choosing was very fragile after replacing the stuffing and he advised to set up a crown.I nodded again.
Finally, he put a temporary crown on it and ordered the white crown for me.
My partner was blazing.He found it incredibly stupid for me to accept everything the dentist wanted to do. That being treated by him was my right and absolutely no duty. Especially because I had no complaints and basically healthy teeth. He said you don’t draw your wallet right because someone makes you something wise, come on Anna. Do you think that money grows with me on the back?
Then I realized that I was indeed very spoiled.
I used to ate my dad regularly toast with salmon, I found that very tasty!I played with a boyfriend and his mother asked, “What kind of sandwich do you want?”. I asked for a ‘ toasted salmon ‘. I have been ridiculed for years…
That must have been very early.I am an only child, and also my parents were only children, so I had no competition from any angle, not as a questioning and also not as a receiving party. My parents felt that the chances were that I would get spoiled and made me feel more difficult. But that was often a game that they couldn’t sustain. In the house I actually had two rooms: one to sleep and one to play. Especially my grandparents (luckily I had only two) flooded their only grandchild with gifts and delicacies. My mother and her parents had suffered very heavily in the war. My grandmother told me about bike rides she made to get into the hungry winter at Farmers food, in exchange for sheets and other luxury goods. She compensated her suffering by pampering me.
In a strange way I have found a weird kind of balance as an adult.On the one hand, I cannot resist wasting, and I hate to skimp. I sometimes spend a lot of money on certain things, knowing that I will be more economical and will last longer. My previous IPhone I had six years, with the same battery. There was no scratch on it. Many clothes I was on the hand instead of in the washing machine. I have been wearing some shirts and T-shirts for more than twenty years, without any sign of wear. If I buy something, I always wonder if I will use it in a few years. Food I buy is always eaten; Something is seldom thrown away because it is corrupted or rotten. But I do buy delicious and organic things.
When I explain to people why I do certain things so, I usually say that I am only a child, and not that I was spoiled.They are allowed to conclude.
That reminds me of a children’s book that I read a long time ago about a 12yr old Dutch boy, David, who goes to Israel with his father and gets a Palestinian friend, Issa.At one point, David asks Issa whether he hates school and Issa says, “Not at all, I am the best of my class and I want to study later in London.”
Although fictitious, the quote is illustrative.Education I have always seen for granted, just 12 years that you have to go through and then studying and sucking. And after that? Heck that’s still so far away… While for others education is an opportunity for a better life.
I have never been spoiled, on the contrary, I have often had to draw my own plan in life.I also notice that I cannot cope well with people who are spoiled and show prince or Prinsesjes behaviour, who assume that they are more and may also be more than another.
I was overprotected by my two older brothers.It would be nice to think, but for someone who has a strong own will and opinion and likes to try out new things, that is very restrictive. It also gave me the feeling that I myself am not capable of going with business, that they had no confidence in me. With anxiety as a result, which I still suffer.
My mother is Polish, and we often go in the summer and Christmas holidays to Poland, to our family.I found that usually nothing at all. I could hardly speak Polish, and most people there do not speak Dutch or English. Well, there is an uncle who speaks fluent English, but he pretended he never learned it. I have always said that they think their language is the best. That is not the only thing I irritated myself. Our family was huge. It was always crowded when there were family nights. I, a spectrumganger, have always suffered from this. I need space and rest, which I can’t get there (unless I hide between all the onions they have there). And now the main reason: I have a lot of cousins, many of whom are very spoiled. One of them received gifts almost every day. He had a lot of things on his wish list and most things he already got. He was allowed to stay up at his fifth to 11 o’clock at night while at that age I had to go to bed at 7am. And so you can go on for centuries. With Christmas he always gets the most presents from everyone. When I was a toddler, I was the one who always got everything I asked for, my mother was stopped in time in contrast to his father. On my seventh, that cousin I talked about was still a baby, but he has gotten twice as much as a normal baby with Christmas. I looked at him and said to my mother: “Is this really all?”
Now I am a teenager and my nephew is almost eight, I have changed tremendously, I find myself.With Christmas, Sinterklaas and my birthday I never know what to ask and I’ve learned to look at what I do have, not to war I don’t have. Yet my father says all the time “you should really always get your way” and I feel tremendously guilty when he talks to me so, but still I find day he is a bit alike. And my cousin? I haven’t seen him in person for quite a long time, because we stayed here and last summer and last Christmas. But I think he already has a phone, that he still has a lot of toys and that his father still gives him a lot of gifts.