I grew up completely unreligious.
after that I have travelled with many spiritual directions.
the Hare Krishna people.
the Sanyassins,then with Bagwan, later Osho,
the Soka Gakkai
European natural religions
People who live free love,
there are certainly a few more.
just remember just to tell you about it.
I have lived in communities, over and over again with other people in other ways.
learned many types of therapy,
practiced many breathing techniques.
I have done many ceremonies.
and traveled and traveled.
have very early erfahren.so states like here:
but these are just states and they bring knowledge, but every knowledge must be released.
I had to killmy findings.
when knowledge becomes concept, it is dead.
each of these ways brings knowledge, each is coherent.
but no knowledge remains.
Knowledge is now.
now God, who is from the Bible.
who came quite late.
I was teaching traditional Indian music at the time.
yes, cultural appropriation.
I had built a huge drum with friends, 1 meter 8 cm in diameter.
from deer fur.
we have all stretched them together.
such a large deer is rarely found, moreover without a bullethole.
on such a drum you play to several.
I’ll tell you about it.
it looks like the picture.It shows the miniaturethat we have built for the little people who have built elves and dwarves, so that they also have fun.
Well, and that’s talked about.
I was asked by the Probst, the Catholic head of Hanover, whether I want to play the drum for the ecumenical service.
they celebrated a round birthday of the bombing of Hanover.
In the market church.
was great.I just made a good crack.
and, most beautifully, between the noise I forced everyone into silence, for there was a lot of talk that evening.
Well.The next day I spoke to the Probst again. He was a good guy.
became a priest only late.
has also loved women before.
I liked him.
in any case he gave me the key from his church and allowed me to make music with my people at night, in the crypt,the underground church.
he let me in as I am.
the church was in front of my kitchenwindow.
I lived on the kiez at that time.
a super apartment.
on the one hand noisy brothels,on the other loud churches. And Me in between.Exactly my place.
and St. Clemens right in front of me.
Looks like an Italian church.
and it is built wrong.
The door is on the wrong side so that it is on the side of the people.
I was allowed to go inthere at night anyway.
he has left me as I am.
Well.That’s when I came to the fair.
By the way, I am baptized Evangelical.
I didn’t know it all.
he could preach well.Free.
and once he cried because he was so desperate about his church.
he loved him and he gavehimself to his church.
Maundy Thursday was bad for me.
I had crisis.
it was a feeling like:
I’m in a wheel and i run the spokes to and where the middle is, I don’t know at all.
my despair was great.
I had such a thing often.
it was noon.
I am over to St. clemens, I am to the Probstei,
the secretary was there, so was the Probst.
By the way, he is no longer there today.
I went in to him and said I can’t do more and started crying and couldn’t stop.
Then I told of my despair.
he just recordedit all.
Said in advance, I always got such conditions before Easter.
as if the annual rhythm is in my body.
In the evening I’m over there.Gerant.
the Probst has washed feet.
This is not normal for women.
but he didn’tcare.
I have also always received communion, even though they only get Catholics.
he said Catholic means for all.
whenever he was there, the Church was full.Also full with God.
I like that with getting up, putting, kneeling.
I like rules and structure.
and in the
I have not prayed any more.
I just stoppeddoing something.
I have let work.
have given up.
, I am in God’s hand.
I couldn’t do more this morning.
and I don’t have to be able to do it anymore.
I cry again, I am sad and happy.
Green Thursday means yes, last evening, Jesus and his boys.
the next day is Good Friday.
that’s where I’m back.
on Friday everything beautiful is takenaway.
no fragrance, no music, no holy water, no cross.
in the crypt there is a dead branch.
It’s just all gone.
Saturday over time is terrible.
there is nothing.
no consolation either.
I go deep into myself, to the lowest point.
stay there in the dark.
the circle is almost closed.
deeper, darker is no longer possible.
in the evening I go over.
inside is dark.
everyone is in the dark.
after a while everyone goes out.
fireburns in front of the church.
a candle is blessed.
we have all the candles.
everyone is bringing a little fire back to the church.
the organ is suddenly loud, the lights bright.It smells.
everything is back.
I didn’t know that.
I didn’t know what inner Easter is.
the circle starts from thebeginning.
I just do it.
Believe me, I understoodat the time exactly what all this is supposed to be.
I can’t explainit to you better.
Sunday morning I’m back.
and from there, preferably every day.
I always run or jump.
I am in love withGod.
and I have spiritual accompaniment.
the whole program.
and I still go after the fair often still to celebrate the neighborhood and be intoxicated.
When I am working in Frankfurt, the Probst recommends me to the seminary.
I live there and sometimes read loudly in the morning at the fair.
one day I pray very deeply.
I ask for healing.With all my heart.
as I have never asked.
I mean it seriously.
suddenly I start to trembleall over my body..
from there, a violent phase begins.
there came a dark night of the soul.
I can no longer pray and am very verysick.
I have since been completely taken apart and reassembled.
the Church is further to me.
the Probst is gone.
and the new preaches politically on the pulpit.The church is empty.
in between I was in the monastery.here:
I’ve moved awayanyway.
here in Hamburg I only go to church sometimes.
If no one else is there.
.Kneeling is just good.