How can you stop to base your own value on your social status?

By asking yourself why you are doing it.

Do you find your own social status important?Why?
What feelings are released (maybe almost by itself) if you compare your social status with those of others?Is it proud, pride, have had a feeling of happiness, contentment, of ‘ achievement ‘ (something to have reached),…?

Can you observe those feelings?

Do you find those feelings right?

Do you have the idea that-let us say natural-feelings are right, or is it perhaps a cognitive (emotional) illusion where we as humans are trapped in a bit?

What can you still give your own value?Are those aspects that also give you self-esteem more important or less important than social status. Ask yourself again why.

Maybe you need to meditate on those questions and feelings or apply mindfullness to them.Or think about it logically.

If those steps make you conclude that social status is “actually” not really necessary to base your own value on it (or, to a much lesser extent than you first thought or did), you have already taken a big step in releasing social status as a criterion.

But perhaps you conclude that social status is really what you want to do in your life, and that is the most important thing for your own value.Well, it might be better not to let it go.

By realizing that social statuses can change, for example by a divorce, an accident with far-reaching consequences for appearance and mobility and cognitive skills, depressions, fears and so on.

If your self-esteem is based on social status, a negative spiral is a great probability, self-esteem is overvalued.

Valuable is how you deal with setbacks, fail in something we all do, but return and without loss of self-esteem seek a new way and then succeed, is a sense of power over the circumstances and is much more joyful than social status.

How you think about yourself is the great motivator and reality, you feel stupid, then you beam that out, strong is the same. Ugly, then you are it, you determined the reality, not the circumstances.

I do not know if the path I have taken is the best or only way, but it can by increasing the distance to the groups to which you consider yourself as belonging.In other words, if you do not belong strongly to a group, the opinions of that group do not make you out of it, and social status has no consequences for your state of mind (let alone self-esteem).

Dear Freek,

If you define your value based on what others think about you, you will always have the challenge that you need more, that you need to buy your friends, that you are quickly dissatisfied.

I would like to put you on the couch and have a conversation with you.What do you think is important? Is it money? Is it the feeling what good to do? Is it what others think about you? What motivates you? Have you had an experience where you jumped up and felt like you had to do something? Think back at that time and tell me what you drove out then? Why did you get moving. If you think back to that, what jumps forward, what kind of feelings do you get?

Coffee?Cookie?

So, dear Freek, now that we have a first feeling what is important to you, how does your social status fit in?

Of course so is a conversation a private conversation, but it will indeed follow this trend.

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