Just more often say to yourself, ‘ It is also good. ‘
The perfect way to ensure that you will never be happy or satisfied with your life is to put your expectations unrealistically high, so that they are never met, and overly critical with yourself.
That is exactly what perfectionism is.
It is nowhere to be satisfied with it, before it is completely perfect and flawless, as we dreamed it.The problem with this institution is of course that perfectionism is often an illusion .
Life rarely runs completely as we want it to be, whether it is about relationships, work, or personal goals.
To be happier with your life, it is often necessary to let go of these expectations, and to learn to be satisfied with how it is now, instead of how it should be in your ideal picture and overly critical with yourself.
Meanwhile, there are countless studies demonstrating how perfectionism can destroy our feeling of happiness.
Perfectionism leads to regret and dissatisfaction
For instance, I found a study in the Journal of Consumer Research, which revealed that thoughts like “I must have the best” can increase feelings of regret and dissatisfaction.
Psychologists call this the ‘maximizing mindset‘, and it is a symptom of perfectionism.We always want to get the best option in every scenario, but that’s simply not always possible.
This is linked to another study, which discovered that perfectionism can lead to ‘ post-event rumination ‘.This occurs when, after something has happened to us, we keep worrying about it, or the choices we made were the right ones.For example, we make it much harder for ourselves to let go of choices and mistakes from the past.
Perfectionism has a bad influence on your work
Dealing excessively critically with yourself also has a pernicious influence on your work and your personal goals.
Research shows that people with a tendency to perfectionism are also more inclined to show procrastination .
With a perfectionist setting it is very difficult to swallow our pride and say that something is ready, ‘ AF ‘. Instead , we continue to change things, adjust details and continue working until we are completely satisfied with it.And we’re never really.
Perfectionism can thus lead to work addiction, an unhealthy urge to never stop working, which then again leads to more stress, overfatigue, and burnout.
Perfectionism destroys our own value and our self-image
According to a study in the Journal of Eating disorders , perfectionism can also disrupt our body image and play a role in developing eating disorders.
We compare our bodies with the ‘ ideal ‘ bodies we see in films, on TV and on social media.That can cause us to impose our standards unreasonably high, which will make our own body disappointed.
Perfectionism can therefore affect our happiness in many different ways.How can you now take care to start thinking less as a perfectionist and learn to deal less critically with yourself?
How to Unleash perfectionism
Perfectionism is ultimately a mindset, a way of thinking.
The best way to unleash it is to teach yourself a different way of thinking.
Many really happy and successful people do not have a perfectionist mindset, but a growth mindset.They understand that life is a process with ups and downs, and that we are continually growing and learning from these experiences.
Unlike perfectionists, they do not see their happiness or success as something ‘ fixed ‘.It is rather a lasting journey.
How do you start thinking this way too?
Start thinking in this new way:
“It’s not about being the best, but doing your best.”
“Mistakes are a normal part of everyday life.”
“Failure is often a necessary step toward success.”
“No event in the past defines me.I go further. “
“I always grow as an individual.”
“Focus on the larger whole, more than on the details.”
“My flaws and imperfections are what makes me unique.”
“There are always new obstacles to overcome.”
“I accept the ups and downs in life with Mildness.”
Choose 3 of these affirmations that give you the best.
Now write them on an index card and hang/put them in your house where you often see them, for example on a mirror, the fridge or above your bed.
Try to repeat the next week, every time you see these affirmations, 3 times (in your head or out loud for yourself).
This is already a small step in changing your thinking towards a more “growth-oriented” mindset.With a little conscious exercise, this way of thinking will be integrated into your daily life.
If you want to take another step to overcome your perfectionism, try one of the following exercises:
Make a target off today
Know yourself a small project, and give yourself until the end of the day to finish it.It can be anything, the simpler the better: Write a poem, make a song, finish a job. It’s about doing it, and not lingering in the final result. Give yourself permission to just say, so, ready! Without doubting or thinking critically about it.
2.Try intentionally to fail
Bring yourself into a situation that you know you will fail.You will discover that failure is not even so bad, and it often means that you are challenging yourself in a positive way. Often you feel better when you tried and failed, then when you never dared to try.
People with a growth mindset do things like this every day: they take small steps every day, and are willing to put themselves in situations where they are challenged and can fail.
Perfectionism is often the opposite of growth and happiness. It inhibits us, sets us down and keeps us dissatisfied.To be truly happy, we first need to learn to unleash our unrealistic high expect about life.
The most sustainable and in-depth way to free yourself from perfectionism is to coach you through THE OCP methodology. OCP stands for ‘ development-oriented coaching of perfectionism ‘ and is a way of coaching developed by Marcel Hendrickx from his years of experience as an INTERNATIONALLY recognised NLP trainer and from his mission to help people of their To liberate perfectionism.
The KU Leuven (Prof.Luyten) investigated methodology assumes that we as humans consist of different ‘ steering ‘ parts. These parts are at the basis of our desires, our competences and our behaviour. They send us thinking, doing and feeling. Each part has a positive purpose for the person in mind.
Within the OCP methodology, the internal parts that stand for perfectionism and for the free child in US are working together.That leads to a state that we call the ‘free adult‘.The free adult is able to let his energy flow and deploy his will in a successful way. Relationships improve, the past is processed, the person has a greater sense of happiness, the person dares to be himself, there arises focus, addictions are broken, patterns come under control and one is no longer overly critical for themselves .
Just look more relaxed against life.Do not take it too closely.