Try to investigate so that you find it difficult people.
You will probably find that because they, or their behaviours, do not meet your expectations or your standards.
Tsja, and where is that now?To those people? Or to your expectations and standards?
Try to decide who they are and what they are doing as a starting point , in order to determine how you can handle the best of them, in order to get the most beautiful possible outcome.
Then you move the point of what-change-must of the outside world (which you cannot influence) to your inner world.Where you are the boss.
Have you had it at times with certain difficult people?
It can be very frustrating to deal with difficult people.Our patience and our borders are sometimes properly put to the test.
When someone deliberately does hard and works on our nerves, it seems almost impossible not to explode and put them well in place.
But today I want to invite you to let it go.
The book 芒 鈧?艙Loving what is芒 鈧?from Byron Katie completely changed the way I look at conflicts and how I think about it.In This article, I want to show you how to understand yourself making it easier to deal with difficult people. It will change your life!
Step 1. Write what annoys you to someone
Take a sheet of paper and write about a difficult person who annoys you.Write in full sentences on what you feel, and what annoys you exactly. For example: “Karel does not appreciate me! ” 芒 鈧?orKathy is so frustrating, she never cleans up, she’s so lazy! 芒 鈧?
Be honest with yourself: no one will read this except you, so the fairer you are against yourself, the better this exercise will help you.
Now do this first before you take the next steps.
Step 2. Ask yourself: 芒 鈧?艙Is this true? 芒 鈧?/b>
Look at phrase by sentence, and ask each sentence the following questions.So at the phrase “Kathy never cleans up芒 鈧? ask yourself the question:”Is this true? 芒 鈧?See what comes to mind.
Step 3. Ask yourself: 芒 鈧?艗can I Be absolutely sure that this is true? 芒 鈧?/b>
When you are very frustrated, chances are that you replied to the previous question 芒 鈧?艙Ja芒 鈧?When that happens, ask yourself: 芒 鈧?艙can I be absolutely sure that it is true? 芒 鈧?It is very important that you are 100 percent confident of what you claim.
Never cleans up Kathy?Has she never cleaned up in her life? Really nothing? And how can you know? Do you keep an eye on Kathy 24h a day? Maybe not. So the answer to the question can actually be 芒 鈧?艙Nee芒 鈧? because you cannot be one hundred percent sure of it. Maybe sometimes she cleans up, at times when you don’t see it. Who knows.
Step 4. Recognize your response when you have that thought
Think of the original thought: “Kathy never cleans up. ” 芒 鈧?Frustrating, doesn’t it?
How do you react when that thought comes to mind? Do you feel anger, frustration, irritation, something else?Recognize it, and bring it into words.
Step 5. Ask yourself: 芒 鈧?艗who or what would I be without that thought? 芒 鈧?/b>
This question is very important.Consider how you would go through life when you would never have the thought “Kathy cleans up 芒 鈧? .Never.
How would you feel? More peaceful?Calmer? How would you be near Kathy when you wouldn’t have that thought? Would you be friendlier and happier, and able to appreciate her presence, rather than focusing on the fact that she hasn’t cleared up? You may be able to answer here 芒 鈧?艙ja芒 鈧? These questions show you that you only find this person 芒 鈧?虄difficult鈩? because of the thoughts you have about it. It’s not about what Kathy really does, it’s your thoughts about her feeding your frustration.
Step 6. Can you see a reason to drop the thought?
Since the thought causes all the negative feelings, can you see a reason not to have this thought?
Know that you can’t just drop a thought.You can’t prevent something from thinking. But once you acknowledge that this thought is not necessary and you see what is associated with it, the thought may go away by itself.
Step 7. Turn the theorem to
After this examination it is time to turn the theorem.Replace the person’s name by 芒 鈧?艙I芒 鈧?So let the theorem go about yourself. So instead of 芒 鈧?艙Kathy never clears up芒 鈧? you write: 芒 鈧?艙I never hold on. 芒 鈧?think about this. Is this true or perhaps more true than the original theorem?
This can lead to surprising aha moments!
Take the time to do this and investigate yourself.Do not jump straight to the last question, work out the questions in order to get the most positive effect. Great luck!