How can you learn to become more assertive?

There are trainings for that.Ask your GP.

I have a booklet about assertiveness.(Title I still need to find). The writer also gave courses. There are all sorts of example conversations in all sorts of situations, as well as all sorts of techniques. I found it very enlightening. “Hey, can it be so too!”

The main technique is to say ‘ no ‘.

If you say ‘ no ‘, people start a conversation and then you say something else, so that they can convince you to say ‘ yes ‘.That is also a problem. You have to learn to say ‘ no ‘.

Do you go swimming?No! But it is such a nice weather. Yes. Well, come along. No, I don’t feel like it. You know what, then we go tomorrow. …

There are also conversations with shopkeepers, where you bring something back.The shopkeeper has much more experience than you. An interesting technique is ‘ broken gramophone record ‘ (it’s already an old booklet), where you always literally repeat what you want. I myself bring back something for another, and I do have an advantage. ‘ Why are you bringing it back? ‘ ‘ It’s not good. I don’t know why. I’ll bring it back for another. ‘ Shops do have new techniques to make the return more difficult. As the money does not give if you have paid with pin. Then they deposit the money back into the account. Nice if it is a gift, but they can also deposit it on another account.

In private conversations you can also get quarrel.”What are you a dick Anyway, why do you do that?” “Die off, you’re yourself a stupid sack, motherfucker!” Sweating is not an assertivity. Here it is the art to discuss with respect for the other, a problem. So always play on the case rather than on the person. Mistakes just admit it is also handy.

In all sorts of conversations you can also come to an acceptable alternative.This is also a major technique. As with the return of clothing it is an acceptable alternative if they deposit the money into my account.

You learn by doing.For a difficult conversation can/I could frighten myself, but the conversations themselves are usually super easy. If I ask a question (Can you help me with that) then the other is often not as assertive at all. Also, the other can be very afraid to start a conversation with me, looks at me tremendously (also beats nowhere). Then I get the responsibility to put the other at ease. This way you are becoming more confident by doing so.


If you have an assertive partner and let you walk over you, that’s not fun either.In Such a relationship you have to learn to speak again. The other is your sparring partner, your trainer, who makes you stronger. Is very nice for both.

Next to ‘ assertiveness ‘ you can also search for ‘ conversation techniques ‘.You have to pick up those ideas that appeal to you immediately. This is how you develop yourself. And practice. From easy to harder. So you start with what you already can and make it more and more difficult. Step by step. Take your time.

If anything succeeds it also celebrate for yourself.Happy and congratulate yourself. Next step.

Nothing nicer than freeing yourself from your own fears.

Treat another as you want to be treated yourself.And at the same time, try to give nothing to the way others see you.

* * Warning, long answer * *

Learn to understand what it means to be assertive.

The most important thing is that you are proud of yourself.If you approach a situation to your good, then this is the only thing that matters.

Being assertive means not only that you keep things “doing“.It’s also about how you deal with how others treat you.

If someone is totally full of you, what do you do?Someone who is assertive will not go into this. I myself would simply go deep and casually walk away. If this person pursues me I can clearly say “I just want to go into discussion quietly, if you can only call or shout, then we are ready”.

What is meant to be assertive in this situation?Stay calm, and paint on what the other one thinks about you. Running away doesn’t mean you don’t get up for yourself. It just means you can’t find the other person’s worth your time. Why waste your time on someone who tells you nothing constructive and only tries to make you feel bad?

On the other hand.If this person quietly tells me what I am doing wrong, and why I would be antisocial, I will listen to it quietly. Being assertive means that your feedback must be able to be processed quietly and should be able to cope with it. So even if it is negative and you do not make it feel good. This refers to the “treat another as you want to be treated yourself“.Because if you give feedback on someone else, you also want him/her to listen to you.

Are you listening to that other person at that time?No, you’re listening for yourself. If you think after the end of the feedback: “I am more aware of this and will improve myself on this basis.” Then have a victory inside. This does not mean that you should agree with this feedback.

I have often had enough that people say to me that I am too direct, and that I have to be more frequent in the other person.I do not agree with this. I will never say “sorry” without saying this. But I will do everything to help someone. Even though the problem is not caused by me. As a result, I will never be able to work on a helpdesk. But I will be extremely efficient on the work floor among colleagues. My immediacy and honesty are extremely appreciated. If you ask me something, I just make sure you have a full answer.

What is it to be assertive?

I myself am an extremely assertive person. At The Same time I am also very introvert.

Generally you do not see this combination, but this is absolutely possible.

I will walk through the list above in order of the arrows.

  • I can easily talk to other people, I have no problem to say “hello” to someone else.

But I will not do this if I do not feel like it. I’m absolutely not shy, but if I have nothing to tell or have nothing to ask, I’m not going to say “hello”. But when someone starts a conversation with me, I have no problem talking about in-depth topics. If it remains with “Smalltalk”, I will quickly nod in silence to end the conversation as soon as possible. If I don’t like talking, I’m not going to do this either. “Yes kinks” is therefore only to stay alive.

  • I will easily dare to say no.
  • The Dutch are generally better at this and will not be hurt soon if you say no. I think it is important to always be honest. I will feel bad before I make a lie. Even if this lie makes the other person feel better. Think of helpdesk employees who always say “I am very sorry that this has happened to you”. Here people have nothing to do with it, rather solve the problem!

  • I am not ashamed of my feelings.
  • Feelings are what make us human.

  • I am not ashamed to say what I stand for and what I believe in.
  • If I didn’t do this, I don’t think I could be so pronounced on Quora.

  • If I make a mistake, I’ll admit it, and I’ll try to fix it.
  • Or I see what went wrong so that in the future it will no longer go wrong. Think of constructive feedback. Even negative feedback is good feedback. Mistakes are human.

  • You’re never perfect.
  • So there’s always room for improvements. It’s not just about doing this, but also understanding why you’re doing something.

  • It’s nice to share information with others.
  • People generally find it nice to answer questions and share their knowledge. So why should you recall asking others questions?

  • Again, it’s important to be honest.
  • If you are honest, then it is easier to make yourself feel better. Don’t know anything, say so. If you don’t know something, that’s certainly not a shame. You are human, not a robot.

  • If someone is in common against someone else, then this is not acceptable.
  • That others have an opinion that is not the same as mine, that is not a problem. But if people refuse to let others talk, then I can be quite angry about it. I therefore emphatically let this know, even if this is against my superiors. I therefore see my boss as equal.

    • I do not have to be right, but I will always throw my opinion in the group if I do not agree with it.

    Will I resign myself to the group’s decision? Yes. But that does not mean that I have done my say. Being assertive is not meant to fight against the opinion of the rest. If you disagree, share it.

  • Again, treat others as you want to be treated yourself.
  • So treat everyone also as a match.

  • As an introvert I do not like large groups.
  • But I have no problems with talking to a large room of 500 + man. But that’s what it is, you’re talking “against”. So you don’t talk “along”. If I’m going to talk to other people, I’d rather be in smaller groups with up to 5 people. Not because I don’t dare to talk, but because it’s simply almost not possible to keep an in-depth conversation with such large groups. There will always be exceptions, but that is certainly not the norm.

  • If something goes wrong, then this is the perfect time to get yourself better.
  • If I have to make a project together, I will make sure that I pack my part perfectly. If my colleague then generates something that is insufficient. Then we share this guilt. It is his fault that he did not ask me for help, and my fault that I did not communicate more often and offer help. There are, of course, extreme exceptions, but they are not common (except in schools at project groups of 3).

  • If you see everyone as equal, it’s also easier to give each other tasks.
  • I therefore have no problem to send my tasks to my manager/boss so that he can give them to others. You try to reach a goal together as a team. So if something exceeds your cap, then you should not muddage any further. Share this with others.

    And Last:

    • Everyone is right for me.

    So my knowledge and experience is just as important as the knowledge and experience of someone else. Everyone is important, so also yourself.

    I can confidently say that I can say “yes” to all the questions in the first image.This was also indicated in my MBTI results (personality test).


    As you see, assertiveness has a theme.

    You have to believe in yourself, and see others as equals. You should not push yourself down, but can shake the hand at the same height.

    If you try to become more assertive, you must know what assertiveness means at all times.If you want to do something, ask yourself what the consequences are. One important saying is this “a no you have, a Yes you can get“.If you do nothing, nothing happens. If you do something, what’s the worst that can happen? That you feel a bit embarrassing for 5 minutes? And what’s the best you can do? That you get a “yes”.

    If something does not go well, let this make you stronger.

    Assertiveness is constantly improving yourself and being actively open to it.

    By that suppressed portion of yourself,

    Give the freedom to stand up for themselves.

    Is difficult.Many think that being canine-worn is the same as assertively worn.

    Leave a Reply