Oh This is really one for me.Or maybe not. I have not yet fully mastered this part.
I initially only started accepting that ‘ just making eye contact ‘ was not in my package at birth.Later I learned that this is very common for people who are autistic. Or I have to say it correctly, that is so in people who are autistic I knew, I just didn’t know that I was one of those people. I went for some kind of alies, also pretty cool. Eventually I prove to be a human being, with a different operating system than most.
Regardless of whether you are autistic or not, you could even undress the ‘ problem ‘.Forcing yourself is not an option-it does not feel good, does not work and provides only strange (re) situations.
When I look at people I get distracted by the details (signals) on their face.Now that’s one thing, but within a few seconds I also have the idea that the other knows I’m distracted. The pressure increases. In the end, it can be that when I look at someone I do not hear anything from what he or she says to me because in my mind so many things happened (register the face, the eyes, do not knock with the words or, did they do it? I do have to scan a robot that runs. Stop doing so, just listen. I don’t know the context anymore. ) Usually I say something of ‘ Sorry, what you said put me straight to thinking, can you repeat that last? ‘ Nothing going on, when it concerns a woman.
In men, there is something to play with, flirting and all the codes that accompany it.Looking at someone for a long time and then looking away and looking back is really not interpreted as ‘ there you have another autist ‘-at the beginning I thought ‘ I must look at that person ‘. Without flashing. Eh creepy.
Okay then, don’t stare.Flashing. Flashing. What is this, a Disney princess?
I am ashamed of death.Oh Joepie, I’m going to blush too. Why sending the wrong message?! And there went the flow. Short circuit, the command center sits without power and the energy I radiate, mega intensely. Seen by many people as ‘ interest ‘.
Well now that was really very intense in puberty.Later, you learn to accept it. Okay that is not my strongest point. Is it really very much. Hmm that people who don’t know me think of it, captivates it. Of course, people in my immediate area want to give the idea that I listen to them seriously. So I tell those people how that works for me and that if I really want to incorporate everything in me I don’t look at them but only listen to their words and I see them as it were for me too. This has never been said to be “unacceptable!”
It is of course not a solution.I think if you are not autistic that it is just a matter of practicing and that at some point it goes naturally. With me it is now also much more good than mistake, during the calves and calf conversations (which of course are not really something for me). Just try it in a way you think ‘ that feels good to me ‘. That is the most important thing. Did not succeed, well and, try what else that thinks of you, that could also work. There is not something like error or good in this situation, there is only improvement possible:)
I think that Chais Noix has a good answer.
Eye contact also plays a complex interaction, which we all need to learn.This is what you learn from doing. Different rules apply In different cultures.
Instead of making eye ‘ contact ‘ You can also just look at the eye of the other.What color? Do not stare, but also look at the nose, mouth and eyebrows. Sometimes you see someone look down. Then someone will take you with one glance, I felt that used to be contempt, but is curiosity. Other people are often uncertain and they seem to be very haughty.
Some people may stare until you look away.When they start talking aggressively, you have to keep looking at their eyes until they look away. Just breathe quietly and wait, just as if you are quietly looking at a stain on the wall.
If you have a lot of experience, you notice that people move with their eyes just as they do with their hands.
Others (all young people) of course also have trouble with eye contact and can just stare at you because they think it belongs.
Practice makes perfect.
Practice first for a mirror
Then with a [home-, neighborhood-Geno (e), friend, colleague or Klasgeno (O) t (e), someone who happens to be in front of you in the public means of transport, the Library and so on
It is (much) easier than it seems at first glance.There are people who, for whatever reason, almost always avoid eye contact; Is not bad, falls very well with life and you can be very old with it 8-D