How can we truly forgive after we are hurt, if we have been given pain, self-reproach, anger and ultimate understanding? Shouldn’t the other person ask for forgiveness for us to really give it?

The definition

In my opinion, we are intertwined with different concepts.As far as I know, the notion of forgiving (and certainly the Western variant) stems mainly from the Christian culture, but is also misunderstood in my opinion. A good definition is important to answer the question.

In The common Christian tradition, forgiving is also possible without repentance from the perpetrator/cauer.Theologically, I put a jar of salt in it. Forgiveness was mainly introduced at a time when a revenge/retaliatory culture was always present. It is also something human, to want to get your gram-with interest!

Forgiveness is relational

In my opinion, forgiveness is primarily relational, which means that both parties take responsibility.Repentance and recognition of the guilty party is a part of it. It goes without saying that the victim does not retaliation, albeit in the relational sphere. Legal prosecution is therefore an option, also for the benefit of justice and protection of the social order.

Biblical sources provide sufficient contextual ground for the conception that forgiveness is primarily a relational instrument. You don’t have to forgive yourself (and M谩g).Misforgiving is not a solution and makes the problem worse. Forgiveness is especially a useful gift in sustainable relationships between people.

Self-control and collection capacity

What the Bible does stimulate is the abandonment of (excessive) revenge and at all times wanting to get your right and make a point of being everywhere.Wanting to be righteous or to be treated is also risky. Choose your fights well, you would say nowadays. Grow a thick skin.

Someone once said: You may forgive what they are doing to you, but not what they call others.This means that we must stand up for others who suffer substantially injustice, while we are not going to walk for ourselves to all the wiewash.

It also means partial regret recognizing and recognizing.Seldom is every confession perfect. As a victim, you must also weigh in to what extent it is necessary to go to the hole in order to stimulate the offender to an exhaustive and detailed confession. Count your winnings and realise that you are not ultimately dependent on the offender for processing!

Recognition, processing and releasing in emotional perspective

Processing injustice has before me to do with letting go, rather than forgive.Forgiveness implies some degree of relational connectedness and restoration thereof. This is not always possible because of unwillingness, denial and other reasons.

For the processing, self-recognition of the injustice and affirmation therein by third parties is essential, even if the offender does not acknowledge guilt.Letting go is emotionally relieved of the perpetrator and all the negative feelings. This sometimes takes years, but forgiveness is not an essential ingredient.

Letting go of resentment is the choice, experiencing injustice to collect and process, but then emotionally loosen up the causating agent.This does not preclude reconciliation but also provides the right to legal prosecution as part of the processing.


Forgiveness, given my definition and theological interpretation, is an unhealthy approach when the guilty party wants to know no guilt.Emotional processing and releasing can also be without this concept, however desirable sometimes also.

Forgive… Relational connectedness as a sincere embrace.Hold each other instead of letting go.

Someone can forgive is enlightenment for yourself, not for the one who has hurt you.

An example: You’re in a monogamous relationship and your partner is going weird.

This action of betrayal is responsible for all sorts of annoying emotions that come above the drifting.Anger, jealousy, shame grief etc. Without proper coping this can lead to desperation, depression, lack of self-confidence etc.

Saying that you are forgiving your partner will not cause you to be freed from the additional emotions.

Actually forgive your partner does so.(Easier said than done)

To be able to forgive you will have to go through a few steps.We start with recognition and acceptance. Believe it or not but there are still people trying to apply the ostrich tactics and hoping that the problem magically disappears as snow for the sun, when they just pretend it never happened. Be brave and acknowledge that it has happened to you and have the incident in your past accepted by accepting it. It has happened and there is nothing left to do.

The next and final step is understanding.And in order to do this, you will have to adjust your own truth. In the example mentioned above, the truth of the person betrayed is that he or she was in a monogamous relationship and trusted that his or her partner is not going strange. This truth can no longer be maintained and will have to be replaced with a new truth. The more extensive and more detailed this new truth, the greater the chance of real understanding. This means that you need to stop energy in thinking about something terrible that has just happened to you. This is generally not something people like to do. Especially because during this process all the associated nasty feelings come again around the corner but also because one often does not want to show an understanding. Understanding for the one who has hurt you could mean that it is right what happened to you, and that is a truth that we usually do not want to face.

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